Why does he do it?

But a lot did work. My mother did. My father was an army officer, but wherever we were posted my mother worked as a teacher or in an office. Quite a few of her contemporaries did much the same. My best friends mother also worked, she was a nurse and worked in the local GP's surgery and I can think of others.

Like the cliche that only middle class women didn't work, the other cliche is that middle class women certainly didn't work. Many who didn't work for money worked quite seriously and almost full time in senior positions in voluntary organisations.

As you say, grumppa generalisations are not very helpful.

jura2: mea maxima culpa, I boarded at a public school when that is what they are called, but my mother ran her own business. In those dim and distant days, lots of middle class mothers did not work, whether their children were publicly educated or not.

These generalisations really are not very helpful.

Monica I agree, they can sometimes be more resentful of women’s progress

Are you angry enough to do the same to him? Pack a bag and stay with a friend and don't tell him. It is the only way he will understand how you feel. Some men hit out physically if they are annoyed with their wife; some sulk; some disappear for days and some just leave the house as yours does without any explanation or goodbye. It would teach him a lesson if you do the same. Perhaps that is what he wants: a challenge. You are not a slave in bondage. That is not what marriage is about. Nor is it about spending time with his friends and leaving you alone without giving you notice.

Please do not let it continue. You are making a rod for your own back. Join a club, do anything rather than stay at home.

jura2 you have a real 'thing' about public school education What old fashioned language. They haven't been called public school for decades.

I found that the worst men to have working for me were working class men, one of whom said to me. 'I bet when you get home, your husband makes it clear who is in charge.'

Mine used to do this frequently. Once I started doing the same and not taking my phone he suddenly got better at saying cheerio!
Try it!

If he leaves for an weekend again without saying good by I'd go away somewhere and only be back after he was back. And go out without a phone? Don't put up with this OP. Do you also have this freedom of being uncontactable over an entire weekend?

Neither of us ever goes out without kissing the other goodbye - even if it's only to the local shops!

He is rude. Selfish and obviously has no regard for you whatso ever. You appear to be accepting the situation and obviously want to see the good in him....that's for you to decide if the 'good'outweighs the bad, but in my eyes , his actions are intolerable.

Chewbacca well done....

I have never heard of a marriage like that. I think I might rather like it.

It was when my ex H went out to work one morning, and didn't come home for 3 days, without telling me where he was or when he'd be back, that I knew our marriage was finally over.

It was rude, bad mannered and inconsiderate behaviour, no matter where he'd gone, or who with or what for, and I wasn't prepared to tolerate it. I was done with it. My only regret is that I did tolerate it for far longer than I should have.

... and mainly Public School boarders, not day students.

Kitty 'Public School Boys with mothers who never worked. DH fits that category entirely, as do my sons. What a huge judgmental leap to make'

never made the generalisation that all with the above criteria are the same- just that many DD1 works with are. I am hugely grateful that MIL always worked and expected both sons and daughter to help around the place, cook, do their own ironing and mending, etc.

I think the fact that you have asked for other people's views means you are upset by this behaviour perhaps more than your post suggests.The only person who can answer your question is your husband but I think somewhere in the answers you have received lies the truth.He may simply be thoughtless rude and inconsiderate or wanting to hide his real activities from you.I write as the wife of a man who has done the same over 40 years of marriage.He worked late,went to 3 day conferences but never communicated with me or phoned to tell me when he would be home.I could write a long catalogue of grievances over the years.Most recently he always walks ahead of me when we are out as if trying to shake me off and has ignored me when I was on the point of collapse with illness while out walking on holiday.When I confront him with what he has done he denies it and accuses me of exaggerating.As I write I am contemplating leaving him as I know out marriage is over but he will not let me go.I googled his behaviour patterns and Passive Aggressive personality consistently comes up.I think what I am trying to say is that regardless of why an OH behaves in an unacceptable way it is how we deal with it that is important.You must confront your husband and show him all the replies to your post.Does he behave unkindly or manipulate you in any other ways?

I am sorry to say that I would not poke up with this ignorant man. We would have the biggest row possible with a few home truths thrown in. Please sort him out for your own sanity or get rid.

This is really odd. Why does he think it’s OK to treat you like this? Why don’t you go out at the same time and get home after him, just to see his reaction.

Are you sure he's actually golfing? I'd be wondering if he was having an affair!

After one of the teachers in my children's school dropped dead in the classroom one morning my husband and I made a deal never to leave each other's company without at least a hug or kiss, it made us realise that you never know when you might be seeing someone for the last time.

Two weeks ago I arrived to visit my mother and found she had passed away totally unexpectedly, I can't describe what a shock it was and I am so sad that we didn't have a chance to say goodbye at the end, however I know that she treasured the fact that we always hugged when meeting and leaving each other.

Tell your husband to stop being such a self-centred sod and plant a kiss on him every time you leave home, life should be valued and relationships treasured.

I'm sorry but I feel there is more going on here .. ♡
.

Why does he do it?
Indeed.
The answer seems to be, because he knows it annoys you, and he does it deliberately..
It is only a small thing to ask someone to shout out goodbye, as they leave, but he has persistently refused to do this small thing for you, throughout your marriage. You describe him as kind, considerate, does anything for anyone, good father, active , intelligent; all this is for the benefit of others benefits, but not you.
I don't think you would have posted if it didn't concern you, quite a lot, and I think you are trying to make light of it now, when really it is an important issue. It is unkind.
The only thing I can suggest is that every time he goes out without letting you know, you phone where he is supposed to be, 'to check if he is there because you don't know where he is and you wonder if he has had an accident.' It will make him look foolish if you do it often enough, but it will also humiliate you, and probably he will stop telling you where he is going.
Is he worth it?

He's inconsiderate

next time he phones you ask who is this?
Or on return dont offer drink etc as you didnt realise he was there.

I share BlueBelle'sthoughts on this.

His behaviour is inexcusable.

What a cold fish he seems.

I can only think that your relationship does not run on love and affection for a man to behave in such a way towards his partner/wife. He lacks consideration, feeling and decency when he departs without a goodbye or peck on the cheek.

I know all relationships are different but I don't think the love would last long if my OH behaved so indifferently and rudely towards me.

I think you are incredible in putting up with this GrandmaKT. No discussions/blazing rows regarding his behaviour?

He loves you so much he can't bear to say goodbye, ever. Well it might be true!