Golf widow anyone?

Crikey! I'm a happy sport widow, only too pleased to have "me time" when husband is off to golf.

I have been known to waltz out the door hot on his heels for a day out without a backward glance at any work that might need to be done. There's always later.

If I want to have family over, I just carry on regardless whether husband is available or not. That way, it is up to him to explain his absence.

If there is anything special on, I tell him, in a "three line whip" type of way, and he is always there.

It's all a matter of finding a balance. I must add, he plays competitively, and loves it, so I wouldn't curtail something that gives him so much pleasure.

Cricket widow but so was my mum so I knew what to expect. It's his life and he pretty much runs the club but he is not a home bod so I'm fine with it. I can join him there with friends any time but I like the weekends as they are and I chose to work both days and have a day off in the week so works well for us.

To pp whose dh takes the car to go to golf, can you not drop him off and he could ring you for a lift when he's ready for home. Or perhaps he could get a lift home.

Or buy another car. It seems really unfair to leave you marooned.

DH plays golf every Monday & Wednesday since he retired and is a season ticket holder so every other Saturday he’s out too.
It gives us a break from each other as I think it would drive us mad to always be together.
I quite like having a quiet day on my own.
As to seeing family or booking holidays there is a rule that all his games must be on the calendar. If they’re not and I’ve booked something it’s too bad.

My DH is a season ticket holder for a team newly promoted to the premier league and I really don’t mind him spending every other Saturday afternoon at football as it give him a chance to spend time with our DS, but already we are having to plan our social life around the matches, which I find irksome. I have to bite my tongue to a certain extent, because he is always happy to drive me to remote fishing spots that I don’t want to drive myself to, and potter about while I fish.

Home matches always seem to coincide with something dont they.

A memorable one was the year DD1 got married. We discovered dh and all her brothers and sisters sitting in the car listening to local radio!

As I read your subsequent posts Grammaretto it does seem to be quite a one sided arrangement. Your husband can pursue his hobby whilst you are at home doing the chores and not having transport to get out and about yourself. If he is not willing to forego his Sunday hobby then you need to have some agreement where you have use of the car on alternate Sundays and you go out for the day without doing any house work. Visit family, go out to lunch with a friend, visit places of interest. It's a long list. Good luck.

If you had the/a car would that help? Would you be happy to go off on your own? OH and I have recently retired so I'm only too happy when he's out on one of his hobbies. He did suggest we would soon be able to go down to one car......but I know what would happen there especially as I have a bus pass and he doesn't.

I am golfer myself and I often wonder why it takes men all day to play what is never even if its a long round more than about 4 hours!! Most of the men on our course shoot out at the crack of dawn so that they can be home for Sunday afternoon when the course is usually deserted. Have you ever walked round with him? You could see what takes up all the time - probably the 19th hole!

Teetime my golfer husband is one of those teeing off at the crack of dawn and can't wait to get home to moan about the slow players in front of him! He is usually gone for 4 - 5 hours.

And grammaretto I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic when I replied earlier. I realise that I sometimes bash out a response to a post on my phone without doing the niceties . I used to moan about the golf when the children were younger, (and the expense of it) but once I decided to get on with my life, it bothered me less. If you are stuck without a car or without public transport, that's unfair of him.

Good grief that is most definitely NOT OK to take the car. How incredibly selfish to leave you marooned. I would be telling him that if he is neglecting you all day he needs to make arrangements to get himself where he needs to be using public transport.

We have talked about it and he doesn't think he's unreasonable!
He thinks it's a shame I'm so grumpy.
The car thing isn't really an issue as I'm free on the buses and TBH it's really only Sundays. I can cope with absences the rest of the week - in fact I too like the house to myself.

I guess I could arrange for family to come on Sunday whether he's here or not. Thanks for the advice. We are going away together tomorrow for a couple of days. I'll try to be nice.

If he can't see the problem, then you have 3 choices:

1. you join in
2. you find other stuff to do- and have great fun
3. be miserable

or possible a 4th ...

I hope he reciprocates, grammaretto.

You mention shared lifts - do you not have the car on those occasions?

I certainly wouldn't be doing any 'jobs' while hes out especially on a Sunday.

Actually jura has got the best idea. Join him. Take a book and sit and watch or stroll round the course with him. Tell him you would rather do that than be left on your own all day.

...and if you are free on the bus, then presumably so is he, so he can use the bus! Why should you be the one who has to.

I am sorry Grammaretto.

I was a golf widow and alone most weekends. We had just moved up here in 1999 and I was struggling with the newness of everything - the kids were 2 and 4 - a local woman said 'what do you think of the boys going to Portugal' - he hadn't told me he was going on a golf holiday with them. He switched his phone off when out golfing too, I couldn't contact him. Our son crashed his car when he was out one weekend, I was very scared having to go to my son on my own. Luckily he wasn't injured.

I was very sad being alone all the time, but couldn't do very much then because the children were small. Now I am widowed, I realise it was his only way of relaxing as his job pushed him to the limit.

I hope you can find something that interests you and leads to a new friendship circle. My 85 year old friend is a member of a photography club, they go all over the place and she has won a few prizes.

Thinking of you.

I think that’s it’s all about compromise, give and take on both sides. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you do nothing together. Many men I know of just do their own thing without a thought for their partners, some just think it’s their “right” and the little woman at home just has to grin and bear it. I just believe in total equality and some men do need a little wake up call..........my ex certainly got one !

Grammaretto - I think you should drive him to wherever he's going and tell him to call when he's done.
It's nice to have the car to yourself and be able to go places in a whim.
My husband still works (as do I but not full time) and I often drive him in do I have the car for the day.
Even if i don't use it much I love having the freedom to do so.

It isn't actually golf. I was just using the cliche.
Yes sometimes I do have car access but never know in advance. I should be more assertive. I am thinking of joining a Meetup group for occasions like this.

That must have been horrible mosaic when you didn't know how bad the accident was and couldn't contact his dad.

What about taking a lover for the days when your hubby is out? That would perk you up.

My late husband enjoyed his golf at weekends. I spent the time whilst he was out to do gardening which he didn’t enjoy. Had half an acre and grew all our veg and enough for our sons family. If it was wet I washed and cut my hair and did my nails etc. Or did some cooking.

Love it Annaram1

Marydoll, I remember the time we had a 15% mortgage very well! We went into negative equity having bought a four bedroomed house at a 7% mortgage rate, having all our savings into it, just to see the mortgage rate keep rising until it reached 15%. It’s not what we thought would happen when we made the decision to upsize our house because we had three children and wanted each to have their own bedroom (one of our girls snores loudly). We hung on and eventually the mortgage rate lowered but it was a bit hairy for a while.