Golf widow anyone?

We have talked about it and he doesn't think he's unreasonable!
He thinks it's a shame I'm so grumpy.
The car thing isn't really an issue as I'm free on the buses and TBH it's really only Sundays. I can cope with absences the rest of the week - in fact I too like the house to myself.

I guess I could arrange for family to come on Sunday whether he's here or not. Thanks for the advice. We are going away together tomorrow for a couple of days. I'll try to be nice.

Good grief that is most definitely NOT OK to take the car. How incredibly selfish to leave you marooned. I would be telling him that if he is neglecting you all day he needs to make arrangements to get himself where he needs to be using public transport.

Teetime my golfer husband is one of those teeing off at the crack of dawn and can't wait to get home to moan about the slow players in front of him! He is usually gone for 4 - 5 hours.

And grammaretto I didn't mean to sound unsympathetic when I replied earlier. I realise that I sometimes bash out a response to a post on my phone without doing the niceties . I used to moan about the golf when the children were younger, (and the expense of it) but once I decided to get on with my life, it bothered me less. If you are stuck without a car or without public transport, that's unfair of him.

I am golfer myself and I often wonder why it takes men all day to play what is never even if its a long round more than about 4 hours!! Most of the men on our course shoot out at the crack of dawn so that they can be home for Sunday afternoon when the course is usually deserted. Have you ever walked round with him? You could see what takes up all the time - probably the 19th hole!

If you had the/a car would that help? Would you be happy to go off on your own? OH and I have recently retired so I'm only too happy when he's out on one of his hobbies. He did suggest we would soon be able to go down to one car......but I know what would happen there especially as I have a bus pass and he doesn't.

As I read your subsequent posts Grammaretto it does seem to be quite a one sided arrangement. Your husband can pursue his hobby whilst you are at home doing the chores and not having transport to get out and about yourself. If he is not willing to forego his Sunday hobby then you need to have some agreement where you have use of the car on alternate Sundays and you go out for the day without doing any house work. Visit family, go out to lunch with a friend, visit places of interest. It's a long list. Good luck.

Home matches always seem to coincide with something dont they.

A memorable one was the year DD1 got married. We discovered dh and all her brothers and sisters sitting in the car listening to local radio!

My DH is a season ticket holder for a team newly promoted to the premier league and I really don’t mind him spending every other Saturday afternoon at football as it give him a chance to spend time with our DS, but already we are having to plan our social life around the matches, which I find irksome. I have to bite my tongue to a certain extent, because he is always happy to drive me to remote fishing spots that I don’t want to drive myself to, and potter about while I fish.

DH plays golf every Monday & Wednesday since he retired and is a season ticket holder so every other Saturday he’s out too.
It gives us a break from each other as I think it would drive us mad to always be together.
I quite like having a quiet day on my own.
As to seeing family or booking holidays there is a rule that all his games must be on the calendar. If they’re not and I’ve booked something it’s too bad.

Or buy another car. It seems really unfair to leave you marooned.

To pp whose dh takes the car to go to golf, can you not drop him off and he could ring you for a lift when he's ready for home. Or perhaps he could get a lift home.

Cricket widow but so was my mum so I knew what to expect. It's his life and he pretty much runs the club but he is not a home bod so I'm fine with it. I can join him there with friends any time but I like the weekends as they are and I chose to work both days and have a day off in the week so works well for us.

Crikey! I'm a happy sport widow, only too pleased to have "me time" when husband is off to golf.

I have been known to waltz out the door hot on his heels for a day out without a backward glance at any work that might need to be done. There's always later.

If I want to have family over, I just carry on regardless whether husband is available or not. That way, it is up to him to explain his absence.

If there is anything special on, I tell him, in a "three line whip" type of way, and he is always there.

It's all a matter of finding a balance. I must add, he plays competitively, and loves it, so I wouldn't curtail something that gives him so much pleasure.

I spent the afternoon gardening and then fell asleep listening to radio.
DS popped in to see us! He didn't stay long and he was on his own but it was great to hear about the family.
He waited until his dad arrived back.
I'm not so badly off and thanks for the support I really appreciate it.

Yes I understand what you are saying Grammaretto

Add to above, or friends or go somewhere you would enjoy. It may shock him into wondering why you are enjoying yourself with out him !

Just ask your family to visit you even if he is not there.
If you drive ask him to arrange a lift for himself so that you can visit family.

Thanks for the wise words.
I know it's not as bad as all that. DS and DiL used to call by but they've stopped. I suppose it's because they prefer to see us both and would come for Sunday lunch if we had such a thing. They have their own occasions.
You are right Tedber I should be careful what I wish for and get myself a hobby pronto.
He takes the car which is another reason for resentment.

Yes I meant to add Grammaretto definitely find your own niche that's what my late m-i-law did, I think through something like the Women's Institute it kept her busy with theatre trips and holidays, not ideal I know. I do commiserate I felt for her she'd often pour her heart out to me

My husband plays golf roughly 3 times a week, but has always declined week-ends, which he deems family time. He did try explaining that to a couple of crusty old bachelors at his golf club with "I've got a wife, children and 5 grandchildren all whom I want to make time for" which he tells me was met with blank non comprehending faces I know my late m-i-law was definitely a golfing widow, she'd tell anyone and everyone frequently. She definitely had a case, he neglected her in that respect he had a business that kept him busy six days a week, as did my husband before he retired, but he was happier to delegate, the weekends were ours, unlike late f-in-law, who on the 7th day, Sunday, played golf all day, he also never took her on holiday, but would go away with his golfing cronies. His get out of jail card was throwing a lot of money at her, so materially she had everything, but alas not companionship, it wasn't the marriage she wanted, so I do sympathise Grammetto. She died first and it was only towards the end of his life he admitted he should have been a better husband.

I'm happy for my husband to have a hobby (boring as it is) it keeps him happy and healthy and I do think men enjoy the camaraderie of male companionship, although on balance I know my husband prefers female company. I don't begrudge him his time on the golf course, I think he's found the right balance since he retired. I'd just make one caveat, I don't want to hear about the game and how everyone played, cos he likes to tell me I understand no more about golf now than I did when we first got together over 35 years ago.

I think a lot of people will identify/empathise with you Grammaretto Personally I don't mind because I like to do my own things too.

One thing I don't understand is why your family have to have HIM there to visit you or why you can't visit them without him?

Obviously it is eating away at you so you have a choice and that is a)either straight talking - tell him you are not happy and you want him there or b) resign yourself to it and find other things to occupy yourself with.

Bear in mind the saying - be careful what you wish for though! If he is at home constantly, you may wish he had an interest outside the home? Just a point...

I sound very selfish paddyann and part of me is very happy for him that he's happy. I am just at a loss as to how I should spend the Sunday. I don't want another like today. I feel like his mum. People come to the door and they organise shared lifts and ignore me completely!
It's like I'm his social secretary and expected to know all his plans but not participate.

I dont think its because they dont "want to spend time with you"Grammaretto I think it quite normal for soemone who has worked for 50 years to want some down time with like minded friends.He's not sidelining you he's just enjoyinng friendships he may not have had as much time for or might not have foor many years more.
I have the added bonus of a son who is as car mad as his dad ,so he pops in most evenings on his way home from work to discuss the next steps in the rebuild .To be honest I'm delighted they have so much in common and I love seeing them heads down over plans for wiring and new colour schemes .We've been married 44 years if I cant let him enjoy time without me now then there would be something very wrong .He has worked his socks off all our lives .

I know. I've seen them too KatyK and also the golfers but imagined that our marriage was different! Ha!
It is quite a shock when you realise that your dearly beloved doesn't want to spend time with you. He's always exhausted and goes to sleep when he is home. So you see, it's a lonely existence.

We have a canal at the back of our house and we regularly see men sitting there fishing all day at weekends. I often wonder what their wives/partners think.