I cannot believe this

Today I'm feeling crushed. My husband is an alcoholic and he will not get any help. He wont do it for himself, me or his grandchildren. Been suffering and trying to help him for so long, he said he is going to leave and now I want him too as I cannot live like this anymore. Should I feel guilty and am I in the wrong as this is how he makes me feel.

This is so selfish of him to treat u this way. Live your life and don't let him make u feel guilty for it. You have shown how much u care now it is his turn.

Ungrateful so and so. Mental issues or not, you have a life and he needs to know this and that you will not sit around waiting for him to need you. Just tell him straight.

You have done your best and you have a life to lead . The odd phone call may not to go a miss . He has to realise he is a big boy now and needs to get a life for himself .

His issues presumably mean he doesn't see things the way others do. When he said that, what did his sister reply?

I'd be grateful he seems to be ok and not leaning on me any more. He'll be back when he wants something but in the meantime just enjoy the break.

Ill

I fully sympathise with you Coco1, my youngest daughter has just turned 30, she has no intention of moving out.
I guess I brought it on myself, as she was very I'll in her childhood & teenage years, also bullying at school, for which other sibling say I spoilt her. Now it has come to bite back & she expects to run the house, if not all hell breaks loose.
My own health is not great, but I made a rod for my own back.
It's hard but sometimes we have to have tough love. There I've given myself a good talking too.?
Triciax

There’s helping. And helping! He sounds very selfish. You have done an amazing job, why don’t you call him arrange to meet and have a heart to heart, it sounds to me as if you have spoilt him , and there’s an element of control on his part, you have a life don’t stand still because of him he’s taking you for a ride.

It is a very illogical response from your son so very difficult to offer advice. What would he do if you went to chat with him face to face ? Good luck ...

I think Bradfordlass72 has made an important point. Your son's mental health has not been good in the past and this is an illness. Like most people who have a major health problem he may be (understandably) only focused on himself and does not consider the implications for his nearest and dearest, not because he doesn't care but because when a person is ill they become very self absorbed and internally focussed. Also, I wouldn't rely on second hand information which often gets mis-interpreted and embellished (unintentionally). It probably makes sense to speak to your son or meet with him face to face to clear this up.

Ask him.

I’m with you Grammaretto - texting isn’t a relationship. It’s just a cop out. Convenient occasionally but not at the expense of a hug and a proper chat.

It sounds like he's having a midlife crisis!
At least he and his sister are in contact.
As the situation is sad for you why not call him? You could call on him and tell him directly how you feel. A text is no way to conduct a real communication in my opinion.

I don't understand why you haven't sourced information from the horses mouth. Not calling your daughter a liar but have you considered that her input may not be factual but be based solely on her perspective? I wouldn't be so fast to jump into conclusions but they are your children so you should know better than I do.

I don't understand how people spoil their children and then complain that they're spoilt.

People (even adult "children") need to experience the ups and downs of life.

They need to learn resilience, and its doing them a disservice to try and cushion them from everything, particularly by bailing them out financially all the time.

Cocol you have kind of answered your own question - it is about time he realised you have a life of your own to live.

Sounds to me that you have done as much as you can do for your son. Now tell him so!

My advice would be to carry on enjoying your holidays - if your son doesn't want to be in touch so be it! Yes he may have some 'issues' but sounds to me like he wants to control you. No, no, no. You have seen him alright and now it is YOUR time to enjoy. He has his 'freebie' refurbished house to wallow in.

You have already acknowledge he has a mental problem, perhaps this is all part of it.

I'm very supportive of my son who is 39 and a a single father. I do all the running around for the children , and I do sometimes buy their school books / uniforms . But I haven't had to give him any financial help at all since he does make good money. He certainly doesn't ignore me - several times a week I get nice text messages about how he appreciates me, so I don't feel that he takes me for granted at all. I think your son needs a wake-up call from you !

Outrageous and ungrateful behaviour. Next time he comes calling, cap in hand, looking for support. make sure you have gone away on one of those breaks you enjoy and he resents.

Is he worried your are spending his inheritance? Spend away, is my recommendation.

It sounds as though you have been a bit too obliging and indulgent. One of mine is rather the same..I'm flattered that my grown-up child still needs his mum but I do feel as though he takes advantage of my love for him.

He sounds an ungrateful sod. You supported him, financially as well as emotionally, and now he's all alright, he's not bothering with you. I'd be tempted to tell him what I thought if it were me.