One of the reasons I estranged and I suppose it was a drop in the ocean really, but she was hypercritical. When I started to do well in college the first time, I unfortunately had my drink spiked one night and I lost my virginity to rape. She decided I was a drug addict, it was my fault and I should not tell people what happened because they would think I was dirty and would want nothing to do with me. She told me not to bother reporting it because the police wouldn't believe me and I would just ruin my reputation. She then threw me out 3 months later because my mental state was apparent evidence I was on drugs, despite the fact I only left the house to go to college and work and was in my room crying every single night. I met my husband a few years later and she would always Lord it over me that I was a failure and a drop out. She was embarrassed that we were on a low income. She would constantly demean me and say my house was dirty and nasty. I can tell you now, it wasn't. I have always been very neat and clean. We just didn't have brand new things like she did. We. Owned a lot of second hand and older furniture. Which I love by the way. She would tell me I was a failure as a mother if we couldn't afford a holiday every year and talk about how she goes on at least 4 holidays a year. When my children were older, we saved and saved to put me through university. All the while she was telling me I was neglecting my home and children. She would tell me I would fail again. When I graduated she refused to come to the ceremony saying it was too far. We should have been so happy, but she just put me down continuously. My brother who is a lot younger than me graduated a year later and he was wined and dined and celebrated. Pictures and posts all over Facebook, they even bought him a new car. It was hard to watch. Apparently my congratulations card was lost in the post, I literally didn't even get a hug. Nothing. He graduated into a higher paid field than teaching and she would talk about how amazing he was doing and why did I want to settle for being a teacher? What a waste of all our savings etc etc etc. She would tell others how lucky I was to graduate in one breath and then immediately talk about how hard my brother worked in the next. Like I just coasted through somehow. Before I gave in and estranged, when I was explaining how much she had hurt me, I brought this up and she denied ever saying any of it. Memories so burned into my mind I can shut my eyes and see her saying them. I told her how her throwing me out when I needed her the most really broke me and she said "I didn't throw you out, you went off to sleep around and do drugs" I said, how can you say that knowing what happened to me? She said "if that really happened, you would have reported it". In that moment I just looked at her and all I could see was a monster. All the ways I tried to justify her behaviour to myself, different time, different generation, different ways of life etc, just fell away and I realised I didn't have a loving mother at all.