Estrangement and siblings

I have the opposite problem. I was semi-estranged from my eldest for two years, who cut off all the family. Now I am reconciled but there is NC between the siblings.

With hindsight, I leant on the siblings more than I should, but they also suffered from their own hurt. The formerly estranged AC is now expecting a child of her own and, whereas both sisters have said they are pleased and wish her well, one has said that it changes nothing in so far as her relationship - or lack of it - is concerned. So it looks as though the estrangement will pass on to another generation. It's very sad, but I have learnt to my cost that it is a big mistake to interfere. I no longer mention the formerly estranged DD unless specifically raised by them.

Over forty years ago, my one sibling ceased contact with my mother, she shut the door twice in her face, no reason, no explanation, after about three years I asked my sister what the problem was, she had felt aggrieved by something but by then it was hazy, I told her that what she had done was cruel, how would she feel if her child did it to her, that if anything happened to mom, she was have that on her conscience. To be honest if she had ceased contact with me I would not have let it bother me, it was so unjust. However, they made up and were closer than ever. She was and still is, quick to judge and take offence when non is intended, which cam be hard work. Mom has been gone years now but it meant everything to have had her daughter back.

Why would anyone want to make a sad situation even worse by bad-mouthing one sibling to another, estranged or not?

I have never said anything nasty about my elder, estranged son, to his brother but then they flatted together for a few years and the younger boy knows all about him, as do I.

We all have faults but to point them out (as what, self-justification?) and expect a sibling to side with you, is, in my opinion, divisive and reprehensible.

But then some people need revenge against an estranged child because they feel slighted and entitled to more gratitude than has been shown. I've never felt that way.

I've loved my boys unconditionally, that means without setting any conditions or expectations for my love and the fact that one decided not to speak to or contact me hasn't stopped me loving him.

I have always left the question of contact to the boys themselves and not interfered.

Do nothing, say nothing.
It’s best not to mention it at all. Have independent relationships with each adult son or daughter.

Not much good will come from getting them involved. Choosing sides never works out well.

If they bring it up just say you miss the sibling and wish them the best.

Then change the subject.