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Concern about partner's health

(29 Posts)
BGB31 Mon 26-Aug-19 19:25:46

My partner & I (too old for boyfriend/girlfriend) have been together for 9 months. We don't live together but are making plans to do so next year.

In the last 3/4 months I have noticed a tremor in his hand.
I haven't mentioned it but I can't believe he hasn't noticed it.

His dad had Parkinson's Disease which I'm sure is relevant (maybe to the tremor but also to the reluctance to discuss).

Should I talk to him about it?
He is 62 and seems very healthy otherwise.

SalsaQueen Mon 26-Aug-19 20:19:38

It may be what is known as "essential tremor". Whatever, isn't he bothered about seeing the doctor?

Doodle Mon 26-Aug-19 20:54:45

My DH has essential tremor. No relation to Parkinson’s. His hands shake when he tries to do something like hold a spoon to drink soup or a screwdriver to screw in a nail. When he is sitting with his hands in his lap they do not shake. That I think is the key difference between the two. One shakes at rest, the other doesn’t. Either way the best thing to do is get it checked out.

Tangerine Mon 26-Aug-19 22:03:29

My 85 year old friend has had a tremor all her life. She is very healthy and I hope this is how it turns out for your partner although his seems to have suddenly arrived.

It would be wise to ask the GP. I don't think you should necessarily think it's the onset of Parkinson's Disease.

gillybob Mon 26-Aug-19 22:28:20

Ditto my dad. He’s 81 . I was almost convinced he had PD but it turns out he also has an unrelated tremor .

Doodledog Mon 26-Aug-19 23:45:56

My husband has this, too. It started when he pulled a muscle in his shoulder. The GP said that his tendon is like an overstretched elastic band.

I agree with those who suggest getting it checked out, though.

BGB31 Tue 27-Aug-19 07:02:13

Thanks everyone for your replies. I hadn't heard of an essential tremor.
As far as I can tell the movement is not there when his hand is at rest but I can't be 100% sure. I feel as if I am getting obsessed with it.
I will try to speak to him about it when I next see him.
He cared for his father at the end of his life and I wonder if he is ignoring this symptom because he saw what happened to his dad. (Not that ignoring it will make it go away, if only things were that simple!).

lanaandrews Tue 27-Aug-19 08:07:59

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BlueBelle Tue 27-Aug-19 08:18:57

Is this an advert ianaandrews ?
If over the counter herbal treatment could totally remove the symptoms of PD I think the scientist would be researching it fully

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 27-Aug-19 08:30:34

I can't offer much but my sympathy. Isn't it often the case that when men get something they are reluctant to see the doctor because they hope that if they ignore it it will go away all by itself? After seeing his dad with it, it must cross his mind that it's the same thing.

I hope all goes well for you. It must be very worrying.

aggie Tue 27-Aug-19 08:35:54

That ad for "natural remedies " is downright dangerous , OH had Parkinsons and I can assure you that if it was so easy to cure the scientists would be ecstatic

sodapop Tue 27-Aug-19 08:54:55

I'm surprised that post has not been removed.

I agree BGB31 persuade your partner to get the tremor checked out, it may not be serious but bears investigation. The diagnosis may well impact on your plans if it is more serious.

BradfordLass72 Tue 27-Aug-19 09:18:54

BlueBelle I can attest that isn't true.

Scientist won't accept anecdotal evidence but if thousands of people get relief or even cures, as many do, doesn't that tell you something?

I have had psoriasis for 50 years - no doctor has ever been able to shift or even alleviate it and I have tried every cream, drug and treatment on the market, over and over again as new things came up. Nada.

I recently went to a Maori herbalist who gave me a liquid herbal tonic and with a month my skin was clear. No doctor would ever accept that. Fortunately, I do.

jenni123 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:37:12

Sorry Doodle, I am being picky, you do NOT screw in nails, you hit them with a hammer or something suitable.

25Avalon Tue 27-Aug-19 11:02:37

If you haven't mentioned it how do you know he has not already seen the Dr? I think you should tell him you have noticed and ask him about it. If you then find he has not seen the doctor it would be a good idea to suggest that if it does not improve or he has other symptoms then it would be a good idea to get checked out. My auntie had Parkinsons but it didn't stop her living to the age of 97.

jaylucy Tue 27-Aug-19 11:04:20

The fact that his father had Parkinsons may be the reason that he has said nothing so far.
He either knows what is causing it and doesn't want to tell you yet as he's worried about your reaction or he's worried about what it could be and is too worried to get it checked out.
Whatever - you need to drop it into the conversation - "Did you know your hand shakes when you do ...." "How long have you had that problem with your hand" " Am I seeing things, or is your hand shaking?"
There are other symptoms with Parkinsons such as slurred speech. If he hasn't already been, take him to see his GP

Caro57 Tue 27-Aug-19 11:17:59

Maybe he has noticed but prefers denial.........either way checking it out would be a good thing

absthame Tue 27-Aug-19 11:29:07

I have essential tremors as did my grandmother, father, my son and his son. It is not destructive although does deteriorate over time. It can however be very frustrating, for example I tend to type with a stutter at times, getting a key in a lock can be interesting, and when eating a meal with conventional cutlery I beat a great tattoo.

If you want to find out more visit the site also deals with Parkinson's.

Best of luck. If you wish to discuss it with me message through GM and I will do all I can to help.

ReadyMeals Tue 27-Aug-19 11:31:28

He's probably noticed and if his dad had Parkinsons he probably assumes its that. But perhaps in his dad's day nothing could be done so there was no point testing for it. And maybe he doesn't know there are new treatments now.

CrazyGrandma2 Tue 27-Aug-19 13:21:30

My mom had PD. She never had a tremor as she had the rigid variety. Every time I walk into a door etc I think, Is this the start of it?' Then I tell myself not to be so stupid. She had a good life until the last few year. She always wanted to live until 90, like her mom had. She did just that.

Doodle Tue 27-Aug-19 13:21:58

jenil sorry you are correct. I was going to write two things, that DH could not use a screwdriver or a hammer due to his shaky hands but I forgot what I was writing.

BGB31 Tue 27-Aug-19 13:40:46

Hi everyone
Many thanks again for your messages, I really appreciate it.

lovebeigecardigans1955 I agree with you and the others who have said it that he may be ignoring for fear of getting the same diagnosis as his dad.

But, also, as 25Avalon says, I don't know that he hasn't been to the Dr.

I need to mention it to him and have a conversation from there.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 27-Aug-19 16:50:26

Perhaps you should just mention that you have noticed it and ask whether his hand has always tended to shake a little.

Mention too that it seems a lot of people seem to have what is known as an essential tremor.

My brother-in-law has been diagnosed with Parkinsons, and was told that it is a good thing he came at such an early stage, so treatment is much easier. It might help to know that if he is worrying about Parkinson's.

Kacee Wed 28-Aug-19 09:16:47

I too have shaking hands. Pain in the neck when trying to hold a coffee cup or spoon when I'm out, I normally have to use two hands.
My mum had PD. I have an appointment with the neurologist next month. My gp thinks they may suggest beta blockers which I cant take because of lung disease.
Get him to go to gp

sarahrose1212 Thu 29-Aug-19 22:13:10

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