Dumped by text message

Well, just returned from my therapist.

She said my behaviour was quite controlling- I.e phoning him from abroad very early in the morning to tell him I didn't like him painting the young woman. Said I should have controlled my impulsive behaviour (Yes, I am) waited and expressed myself more mindfully (easier said than done!)

She sees he has an issue with controlling women and a threat to his independence & I have a tendancy to want to control things...true. I'm too insecure and vulnerable to deal with a man like this and he has too much going on in his life to have extra hassle from an insecure control freak.

At least her verdict was balanced!

She thinks we'll get back together some time, but I'm too raw this time, need to heal and be self compassionate. I have a busy fulfilling life, so will look after mysrlf for a bit.

Wise words from Maw and many others. I threw myself hopefully and with hindsight, somewhat naively, into internet dating after the end of a very long and unhappy marriage and believe me, I could write a book!

I have to say to you - you do not need this man or any other of his ilk - and believe me they are out there, smiling, charming and taking advantage wherever we allow them to. Chalk it up to experience and remind yourself that you are worth so much more than this. There are good, decent men out there as well as all the 'behinds' (I do love that!) but I think that perhaps you need to learn that life alone, for a while, can be a really valuable learning experience and that once you've shown yourself that actually, you are ok, or even better, as a single lady, you may find that your ideas about a future partner have changed and you can choose to be with someone because they truly add something to your already good life, rather than a 'taker' who simply pays lip service to you and makes you feel good - but only for a while. Dumping you by text - at 69??? You have had a lucky escape from this man, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Wishing you lots of good things in the future trueblue22

You have my sympathy but you must "shut he door" on this experience & move on he's not worth anymore of your time or emotion.

I have been widowed for over 6 years, just over 3 years I received a fb request from a man, we had a mutual friend. We started messaging on fb, then exchanged phone numbers we've chattered for hours about everything.

After almost 3 years of chatting on the phone we finally met in the flesh face to face, we just picked up as if we were chatting on the phone. Only thing that did change was that after several hours in each other's company there was a "spark" between us.

We have met a few times since & had a short break in UK, as we live over 200 miles apart I think this is going to be a long term friendship rather than a romance but that's lovely, nice to have a special man in my life

I wish all of you well, there are some awful men out there but there are also some good ones, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince

This could almost be me. Getting over it now but was pretty devastating at the time. I like the previous poster saying look on it as a treat like chocolate or wine or as a meantime relationship. All very good advice. All the best, work on improving your self esteem and if anyone tries to rush you don't let them.

As someone else said, just look on it as a pleasant interlude - like a lovely holiday which ended in disaster because your plane home was cancelled!
At least the episode has confirmed that you still have attractions, and I admit to being slightly jealous. I haven’t had even a sniff of a romance since my DH died almost four years ago. Even if he turned out to be a rotter it sounds as though you got a certain amount of fun out of the relationship. Just put it down to experience, and move on. He was the worthless one, not you.
Onward and upward!

oh you poor lovely lady.
you sound a very nice , young, gentle lady. very kind of you to rent him a flat too.

as he has a history of drawing women let that go.

I don't like the bit that you may bump into someone there...if you rent him a flat.
Best thing you can do and it's fun is to go to a colour me beautiful session first...or a similar style and dressing colour consultant...they are so worth it.

After that go get your hair done ( if you are gonna get a big hair change with colour in it go to the consultant after your hair has been done)

Then go get your self somelovely new clothes...go to a proff. photographer and get some nice snaps indoor and out and join a dating or friendship site.

classic FM or Parship are both good sites to use...you do not have to date you can just look for male companions...I would love to know how you get on. Just chatting on line with other men will distract from your heart ache for sure.

BLOCK the bottom ASAP

good grief .you are much better without him .if he blames you for his down comings then he's better off gone.. i would get to know him a bit better...too much too soon..

MawB has said it all. You have not lost your marbles but you are very vulnerable so don't beat yourself up. Take a step back and spend some time on your own and please don't have him back. Talk is cheap as my mam used to say - so are words like darling. Try hard and forget him as he has done you a favour by finishing it even though you might not feel it now. You are the same age as me and I have made some bonkers decisions in the past, all connected to men. Come on girl, you own it to yourself to keep away from him. He has an eye for younger women and believe me this will destroy you in the future as I have had it done to me. Sending you love and hugs and stay strong and independent! The best F word in the world is Freedom and embrace yours! x

I like Tigertooths reply.. has the right balance...and bites him in a place where he is sorely lacking without him able to think you are bitter..
It happened to me once, seemed to tick all the boxes whirlwind romance head turned then his bad behaviour began at first you don’t believe it because you don’t want to, then in my case I went to lengths to find out and the deeper I delved the worse it got... he ended up at 69 impregnating an twenty year old Zimbabwean refugee who he was editing a film about... and still thought I’d be interested in seeing him. The one thing I have re - learnt is that the FIRST doubt of disrespectful behaviour walk away. You were right to call him out. Don’t beat yourself up he is a man who has over entitlement issues. not worth it and you have got out at last pretty unscathed. Just send him that dismissive text. No need to feel humiliated it’s life and romance can be very odd it’s s gamble and sometimes we lose and wisely walk away. Only a fool sticks in there. So well done you

At least he had the decency to not take the flat.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yes, follow Juel's advice. You will then be back in control of your own feelings and will have taken the power away from this man.
Good Luck.x

Trueblue my heart goes out to you. I was stung (along with several others) by a conman whom I first met when he was performing in his church choir! He conned them too. He would call be babe & darling. Transpired so he didn't get names mixed. I was mortified when he was found out. And sad, very sad. Took a lot to trust again (eventually) but I did (slowly) & now we're wed. My dear widowed friend married this year after vowing never again & she's 73. Believe in yourself, value yourself and never say never. Therapy is great. Best wishes.

I was on my own for quite a long time after my divorce, and dated lots of men, I had a nice home and could see that was a large part of my appeal, some men were even hinting about moving in with me by the third date. Working in a mans world I also knew lots of blokes who were keen on girls that had their own homes and a real part of their attraction was the thought of living somewhere practically free and still getting to go out with their mates. Yes I know there are women that look for a man that can provide for them, but I am talking about all the blokes that will exaggerate their feelings, profess undying love, get your key on their keyring then slide back into their single ways leaving a woman heartbroken and confused. OP, you are probably well rid of him, don't take him back each time realises how and why he needs you. X

Best to find out one what he’s like or he could have been doing it while/if you married him.
Some men are absolute sh#ts but some are honest trustworthy and worth keeping. You will find the One that’s worthy.
There’s not an old stocking a shoe won’t fit ;)

It was not that you weren’t worth a phone call it was that he didn’t have the backbone to tell you face to face.

Yes, so fortunate he was not in one of your apartment. I could see difficulties there.... what if he was slow on rent etc.

You are well rid, though you are hurting at present. It will ease.

You have learned that you are still desired. There are still frogs about and in among them is the occasional prince. Pity we have to meet the frogs as well.
You will be fine even though it’s all very raw at the moment.
Hugs

I would walk away from this if I were you.
He's a grown man and should have respected you better.
Don't waste your time and energy with someone who cannot even tell you face to face, but sends you an email instead.... that's a coward way of ending a relationship!
I'm sure someone decent will come along soon, as you deserve it. Good Luck!

I really like Tigertooth's suggestion, puts him firmly in his place.

Hold your head high, and realise you were the far better person in this situation: you gave him support for his problems over his son, and he repaid you with bad behaviour. Don't get hung up on having another man, enjoy all else that life can give you, and if a decent chap comes along, then that's an added bonus.

Tigertooth you are too kind. My text message under those circumstances might be less restrained
(I might also be tempted to correct his Italian - pretentious git!)

trublu i am so sorry for you,the same happened to me,almost a year ago,still haven't recovered
It is the feeling of worthlessness and loss of confidence and humiliation that hurts
Makes you wonder what their true intentions and feelings were to begin with
I hope you do meet someone worth having, but try to look on it as a lucky escape, which i have to keep telling myself

Good advice from everyone. I'm sorry you're so hurt but thank goodness he didn't actually rent one of your properties otherwise you'd still have to have contact with him!

Close the door firmly on him and move on.

Good luck with your appt today Trueblue. May I wish you happy memories of your wedding day on this your 37th anniversary. I'm sorry your dear husband isn't here to celebrate with you but I'm sure he'll be with you at heart.

Take time to give your love again, you can still have plenty of fun but protect your emotions, it's not worth the heartache of a break up. Lotharios aren't worth the hassle at any age but especially as we get older and want to make the most of our time. I hope some day you'll meet a lovely man who deserves your affection. Good luck. X

Text him and say - “Yes, it was embarrassing, it must have been grief - you’re right, we’re not compatible, I don’t know what I was thinking really. Obviously I need a partner who is grounded and solvent with his own home.
I waist you well - enjoy your coffee.”
And then block him and delete him from all areas of your life.

Lovely advice from everyone.
I would just say, no one can make any of us feel bad, we do it to ourselves. Put it down to experience, a thing of beauty to reflect on, to giggle about but to avoid repeating and move on. Good luck.