I could never have imagined this situation

And will he even be entitled to use french healthcare post Brexit?

And OP I know you think your DH is entitled to use the nhs

But he’s actually not.

*If you're moving abroad on a permanent basis, you'll no longer automatically be entitled to medical treatment under normal NHS rules. This is because the NHS is a residence-based healthcare system.*

Nhs website

I'm thinking that the lure of the UK is getting stronger for him than living in France. What would happen if you were to say that you want to come back to the UK?

He has aristocratic aspirations and wants to be like the Duke of Edinburgh - most of the time in one of their houses while the Queen is in another

I take it your DH is born and bred UK.?Have you not considered he wants to return to the UK discounting any ideas there may be another ! in his life but after six years, hardly a lifetime, in another country the UK is his home and that is where, more so now he has serious health issues, is where he may want to spend the rest of his days.?
You may not want to give up your present lifestyle but need a decision.Carry on as you are which is not ideal, talk to H, and if he wants to make his visits to the UK a permanent move the decision has to be yours. Do you stay where you are or follow.?

And I suspect the decision will be made sooner rather than later

He’s not getting younger and realistically his health issues are going to stabilise at best, worsen more realistically

So I think the decision will be taken out of both of your hands

He will have to make a decision whether to have his health treated in uk or France and then you both move or stay accordingly

I agree with nezumi, Ramblingrose.

I know someone who, although he knew he was having a heart attack, made his wife drive him all the way back to Newcastle from North Wales, because he felt safe here. (He survived)

I also agree with others who have suggested you need to think of your own future as well as OH’s. Do you and your OH really want to continue to have France as your main home? Where do you want to be in 5 years’ time?
If OH still wants to regard France as home, he needs to accept that that is where he’ll need to access medical care.

Good luck

I’m another reader puzzled by this. You say you can’t afford to go with your husband, but travel between France and England can be very reasonable. I rarely pay more than £50 return for my regular trips. Often much less. (Good old Ryanair).

If you are of retirement age and receive a U.K. state pension you are entitled to use the NHS services in the U.K. at any time even if you are living in another EU country. You obtain your EHIC card from the U.K. and not your host country. This man is quite entitled to use the NHS services.
People are also entitled to use optician services in U.K.

As he is so ill how does he manage to travel back and forth to these appointments? In France he would get great free treatment and transport to and from any appointments.

I don't think he knows what he wants . By what you are saying he doesn't want to be in France and he doesn't want to be with you in England . I think there's more than health issue's going . I think you both need to sit down and have a frank talk . Good luck .

Is there any chance there’s another woman involved?

He’s being selfish sorry
Ok he’s unwell but he is completely disregarding your feelings in every way shape and form.
Let hi. Carry on if that’s what he wants but you need to build your own life in France now and let him get on with it (as that seems exactly what he wants)

The French health system was somebody has already said is amazing: the speed of diagnosis, the hospital etc are incredible. I speak as one who knows, having lived there for many years. You are not entitled to NHS treatment, no matter how much you've paid (I know from my father who lived abroad) and you are defrauding the NHS. I don't know why your husband is so secretive (maybe he doesn't want to implicate you?) Or maybe he has someone else, though that would be difficult if he stays with relations, surely? Whatever it is, it must be costing more in plane/boat tickets than it would to rent a place in the UK! If you love France, stay there with your friends and tell him to stay in the UK until whatever this is blows over and to stop this intermittent relationship

Your husband is being selfish. He has decided he’s doing things his way and anything you say will be rebuffed. He may even say you’re trying to control him. You will have to face him down with this, there is no other way. Tell him you’re going with him, whether you can afford it or not. And go.

Just a thought Rambling Rose. Are you generally a anxious person who would raise his own anxiety, of you were to go with him ?
Perhaps being alone is the way he handles things.
My DH is similar in that he attends all medical appointments by himself. I think that way he feels in control.
Having you there might in his mind make the situation seem worse than it is or that he wants it to be. He might feel nore secure with NHS treatment and you trying to persuade him otherwise might raise his stress levels.
I think you need to abide by his wishes unless things become more serious health wise .
If you do become ill yourself then that is a different matter and would need to be discussed .

Ramblingrose, if you are paying into the French health system, that is because you are French residents.
Him using the NHS is Illegal, he is getting around it by using his sisters address.

Which country issues his European Health card ??. , whose name is his emergency contact his sister or you ???

I believe he is living another life in the UK.

Rambling Rose
Important question. Does he love you in other ways or is this his way across the board.

Most long term marriages are comprised of deep and uncomfortable and indeed utterly painful compromises at times and your husband should for the sake of peace be taking your views into account more. You have to weigh up the whole bigger picture.
Thinking of you from Dawn xx.

That is not quite correct jaylucy
It would be dependent on age and pension status. We live in France and our health care is paid by UK. Therefore we can still access NHS, etc although we pay for eye tests. I still pay UK tax.

I, like doodledog think this is curious.
Firstly to put your mind at rest, my husband had a stroke in France (we lived there for a few years) and the care he received was truly amazing. If language is an issue, most doctors spoke English. The speed of diagnosis, scans etc was within an hour of arriving. He was in a private room, where the care he was given was excellent.
If it isn’t the French health system but something else, what could it be? I think there is something your partner is keeping from you. It is difficult to speculate but it could be as simple worrying about his health but my feeling is it is more than that.
Does he not actually like living in France?
Perhaps, he now likes his own company more than sharing?

We could go on.

What is required is a meaningful, direct conversation where the outcome has to be you sharing your life together, wherever that is.

Good luck.

What I can't understand is that if you have left the UK and are living in another country for longer than 6 months, you are not entitled to NHS treatment !
I used to work for an opticians and had to deal with several customers that had retired to Spain and had returned to the UK to see family, were astounded to find out that despite the contribution they had paid throughout their working life, because they lived in Spain, they couldn't even get a free eye test or even hospital treatment beyond emergency!
I can only guess that your husband has given his brother's address as his home so that he can have whatever treatment he needs, but really don't understand why he won't allow you to return to the UK with him, private person or not! Medical background? Well I would have thought that he would know the figures that statement that patients that have support from family and close friends get better and deal with their illness a lot better and quicker than those that don't.
Sorry, but you really need to ask questions - not only from DH but his family too!

As he is very ill I would just let him get on with it, do what makes him happy. In the meantime why don't you concentrate on building up a life of your own, doing what you want to do and doing things you enjoy. You can't change him but you can change your attitude and your own life. If you turn the tables on him he may start to change his behaviour but you can't change it for him.

If he has a medical background he maybe feels safer in the system he understands and it used to.

I don’t know what the answer is though, how would you feel about moving back?

Then it’s just an excuse on his part isn’t it Ramblingrose? A smack in the face to your feelings which, as an equal partner in your marriage, is abhorrent.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but your husband’s actions speak volumes . I wonder how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot ?

I don’t have a solution for you - you either live with his callous disregard for your feelings or you don’t ?

He stays with his sister and brother in law. It would be impossible for him to do this otherwise.
It’s quite fair and legal for us to use the NHS which we have both paid into all our working lives. We now pay into the french health insurance system. We moved to France when we retired.
Stella49, you have understood how he feels and that is reassuring to me. Bradfordlass, you have also summed it up very well.
We have talked about it endlessly and I’ve had many tears Nanaandgrampy. He knows I want him to get treatment in France where the treatment is excellent and he would be at home. He says he doesn’t speak french well enough and with the NHS doctors he can discuss issues in detail.. Whilst I can understand this, all our friends here have been treated with sympathetic, English speaking doctors and he knows this.