DD (only child) going to live in California

My daughter is 6000 miles away and has been for 15 years, Home 3 times. I've been to visit twice. This is no longer home, not really.

Yes, I miss her so much but we are in regular contact. I can do no more than to be glad she is happy and has a good life.
Sometimes I get a bit maudlin and wish visits could be more frequent.
My own life is good. But part of me is missing.
I do understand absolutely how you feel.

You have done a good job raising an independent child, that's what I tell myself.

You keep your children close by letting them go - It is so much easier to keep in close contact with AC and DGC (should the time come) nowadays. With telephones, email, skype facebook. You can be in contact daily.

My father was in the army and we lived in the Far East for nearly 9 years. My widowed grandmother did not see us for years at a time with only letters as contact, yet my mother remained as close to her mother as she would have been had we stayed in Britain and I absolutely adored her and ached to see her when we were away. Let your children go and you will never lose them.

It just proves what a good job you did bringing her up! She is independent and adventurous! [flower] for you it must be hard.

Thank you all for your positive comments and experience, reading them has really, really helped me to see the situation more clearly. Always helps when you have somebodies opinion, not connected, I know I will be reading through them in months to come when I have wobbles and they will help me. You ladies are amazing xx

Good post Septimia. You could plan to visit say twice a year if finances allow. In the meantime be pleased and proud how her life has turned out . Does she have children yet? I am glad you have your own interests and friends and pets too! This will all help enormously.

I'm in a very different situation to you,my daughter is bedbound most of the time with multiple health isses.I would be thrilled and delighted if her health was well enough for her to go to any of the places she would like .

Be happy for her ,at least on the surface,you know the old thing about raising them and setting them free...do it ,cheerfully and she will always remember taht you didn't try to hold her back .You can visit and she can visit you and technology is brilliant for keeping in touch now so Skype her often .She might not like it and come back but if she doesn't at least you know she's happy and healthy .

I remember when my 2 children left home within a year of one another. Like you, I was totally heartbroken. I felt as if I had died inside. But things do change. When I was in my early 20s I went to work in Australia with no real plans. My parents had no idea if I would ever return. But after the initial excitement had worn off I longed for home and after a couple of years did return and have lived in England ever since. Prior to that I had moved a couple of times to various places in the UK but always came back as home had such a pull for me.

Your daughter sounds lovely but perhaps she just enjoys new challenges. Her stay in California may be just for a short while - perhaps a couple of years.

I know you love living where you are but is she your only child? If so, I know I would want to be near her so you could consider moving even though you love it where you are?

I have an English friend who has lived in California for 30 years but she only stays there because the money is so good. I think her heart is in England. Your daughter may well find that initially everything is brand new and interesting but after a while she may yearn for home.

So basically my message is don't concern yourself too much as yet as things can change. But, should she eventually decide that she is going to make her home there, you could seriously considering going there also. You could come back to England as often as you can afford.

In my opinion family is the most important thing. You have been through a lot particularly with the cancer treatment but it looks as if that is behind you. You will feel lost to start with - however fortunately we have the internet so we can communicate easily these days. You may find that after the initial excitement your daughter yearns for home and it is clear that you have a wonderful relationship so she will miss her Mum. I know those are the feelings I had when I was in Australia.

Going to live somewhere new is fine as long as you know you are going home but making it permanent is something I could never have really considered and your daughter may be the same.

I have never been to the USA and California sounds wonderful with its beaches and weather but there's nowhere like England. Your daughter needs a chance to experience this new opportunity but it may only be for a short while till the novelty wears off. Please do not become depressed, keep in touch on a daily basis, visit when you can and things will work out. My DH says Life Can Change In Seconds. He's not wrong.

Oh, I do understand how you feel. I've been struggling with a similar but less drastic situation in my family. It's had me in tears and feeling panicky inside.

Firstly, I'm with you on retiring to the US. I wouldn't want to either, especially with having a nice home and living in an area you love.

I have said to my DS that I'd rather he was in loving contact and on the other side of the world than round the corner and not speaking. Since your DD has suggested that you go to California, it sounds like she thinks she will miss you, too - which is good!!

Don't panic about it. They might not like it. If they do, they will, no doubt, come home to visit and you will be able to take some fantastic holidays. Or they might be happy there for a while but later the situation could change. In the meantime make full use of all the communication opportunites that modern technology allows.

Like me, you probably will still get upset from time to time but it might not turn out nearly as bad as you fear. In fact, your fear and imagination might be making you feel worse. Try to take a deep breath and go for the 'wait and see how it turns out' option.