Confused and unhappy

After my own personal experiences, my advice to you would be that you practically live on your own anyway, so you might as well be on your own. That way, you won’t be treading on eggshells and will have total peace of mind. Life is too short to be unhappy, we owe it to ourselves to make the best of our own lives. It sounds as if he does his own thing with no consideration of you whatsoever .... and you are worth so much more. Your life is a garden, start weeding ??

Get legal advice first, I had a husband just like that but we Separated then divorced. Thank goodness, since then I did meet someone else and have done a lot of travelling and enjoyed life. He had a second relationship and that ended too. He never sees his two children or four grandchildren, his choice. They never change. Get out as soon as you can.

I would suggest counselling but if he won't go then make a decision to split. If you have a good relationship with your sons ask for their help in making that split. It may not be easy as your partner is entitled under law to refuse to leave what is his home although you own it. People do not realise that this is a right after living there for 6 months. However difficult, pursue what will make you happy. I have a happy single life after divorce.

Personally, I would try sitting him down and talking to him. He may not know how you feel as you are so accepting of it. Talking it through may help or is that too simplistic ?

I don’t know your age but do you really want to spend the rest of your days like this? No-one deserves this treatment. As Jenpax says, you need legal advice, it’s all well and good to say he would just want his money back but was it in writing?

Flakesdayout, I'm sorry that things aren't good at the moment. You haven't mentioned this, but do you have any suspicion that he might be seeing someone else? Being away most weekends, spending his evenings on FB and being critical of you did make me wonder.

Jenpax : He has always said he would just want his money back and that has been an agreement since day 1. Despite his selfishness he is quite a decent man and I would hope that he wouldnt do anthing untoward. We did draft out a legal document with a solicitor some time ago so may be I will get that finished.
Thank you Bluebelle that made me smile. Wellbeck. I am seriously considering my options.

Hahahahaha, BlueBelle

Sorry to sound a note of caution here, but I hope that you took legal advice before allowing your partner to make a material improvement to your property, ie the garage? If not you might find that he will be able to claim that he has established a beneficial interest in your house, should you decide to separate, and then could get considerably more than just the money he spent on the garage build ! If you are seriously thinking about separating I would take legal advice about the finances.

doesn't sound like you are good friends to me, more like house-sharers, civil, but no more than acquaintances.
you don't sound happy. he is quite content, has his interest.
you probably hoped for, expected, more companionship, not unreasonably. well it's not happening. life is brief. get out and be content alone, and/ or have space to make new friends, expand your horizons.
good luck.
ps at least you are not having to go through the extrication and expense of a divorce, and he is not a psychopath...
wave him goodbye and bon voyage.

Flakesdayout, you haven't had many helpful replies really.

I am sorry you find yourself in this position but I don't get a good feeling about this. Could you book a couple of sessions with a counsellor and consider your options?

Ellenvannin my second husband owned a motorbike shop and I have a photo of him with Dick Emery ???

Alexa. I sometimes ask myself that. We do not share a bed because of his snoring (I have tried) and as I work full time I need my sleep. He helps occasionally with the housework but I have to ask and yes he chips in financially. We almost split a couple of years back but circumstances (two weddings) kept us together. Now both my boys are buying new homes so the timing isnt great. (Gosh reading that its like Im making excuses)
HettyMaud. I cant get interested in racing. If I went with him he has said I would be there on my own as he is in the pits and racing himself, so there isnt much point. And yes Im thinking about doing my own thing.

If you have feelings for him could you not show an interest in his hobby even if you don't really feel it. It all depends on how much time you want to spend with him and I'm guessing his hobby doesn't include you or you don't want it to. But there's nothing wrong with a hobby.... could be far worse. If you are fond of him why not let him be and find a hobby for yourself and then you'd both have more to talk about perhaps. Of course I realise it may not be that simple.

I wonder why you still want to be with him. I can think of several reasons you might still want him despite he is interested in nothing you like.

If I were in your situation the main reason I'd want to keep him is that he said you are good friends. If true, that's why I'd keep him in my house as long as he is not a special nuisance in some way you have not mentioned. Does he pull his weight with the housework and finances?

Maybe consider couples counselling? It can really help when you're feeling stuck.

Oh yes he has the uniform and the Harley too! And he has the status symbol of a nice big house (he added the double garage so he could have a workshop) and we have discussed downsizing now that the boys have moved out and I will give him back his investment.,

So he is living in your house, but doesn't seem to care very much much about you and your feelings. Seems that this is very convenient for him, had bed and board and then off to do his own thing. I wonder what you get from this relationship? Maybe time to have a heart to heart and move on??

I can't help but laugh at the thought of motorbikes because it puts me in mind of a sketch on the Dick Emery Show when he's kitted out in his leathers ready for business, old too !

My D's ex was a motorbike fanatic his last buy being a Harley Davidson-----which he never rode and sold it at a loss. Selfish, narcissistic individual that he was.

Could be the relationship has run it's course, and it seems you are not his priority in life. I too would rather be living my own life, doing what I want when I want and independently.

Much better than being ignored, neglected and picked at.

Fishing I could do - out in the countryside !

Motorbike racing. I have always hated bikes and it is something I really cannot get into.

Fly-fishing or model trains ?

I can only speak for me and say I d rather be alone than in a relationship that is one sided boring dull and selfish
I m intrigued to know what his hobby is that you hate so much