Affair

Joyful nana you won’t go under with him.Just try and help him if. If you can contemplate having an affair with another person then you don’t love your husband or you don’t even respect him . If this other person is in the same position as you that means he is married and he will use that you. If you don’t love your husband by all means leave him but think hard about the consequences many many people live in marriages that are sexless but not loveless and Nowhere in the promises does it state for as long as sex is available
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I don't think it's wrong if your marriage truly is sexless and will continue to be so. I think where that changes is if you have sex with your husband again after having sex with someone else. Then you owe it to both partners to be honest so that they can choose whether to continue having sex with you or not. People have the right to know who they are having sex with in case they don't want to sleep with someone who has multiple partners or they may want to take extra precautions against infection.

I lived with my depressed husband for many years. The effect on me was devastating. I know it is ghastly to suffer from depression but the non depressed partner can also be reduced to abject misery. I did begin an affair which brought me great joy. Looking back thirty years later I found myself thinking that given my time again I would not have done it. But I had forgotten the despair I felt then. On balance I would say go for it. At least you will feel alive!

No joy, no sex......what else? You didn't say NO LOVE! Could it be because love is still in the equation? Have you considered that your H may have similar feelings too?

Consider also that Depression is an illness and what your H may need is a lot of help Having said that, he hasn't deliberately wronged you. If you no longer love him, he deserves your respect and your honesty at the very least. Please consider the above, before you do something you could later regret.

....and before you '^throw caution to the wind^', have an honest talk with your H about the way things are and how you wish they could be. A good marriage counselor can also help.

Joyfulnanna
In an estragment post, you wrote: adult children are only thinking about themselves and are selfish.
This is what you are doing now. Being selfish and thinking only about yourself

Is your husband finding joy and sex elsewhere?

Life is too short to make other people unhappy as well jackyf

No.

I think you may regret having sex with him. Be free when you choose to do it rather than share him with his wife. Your conscience will play on your mind after the event. Once you go over the boundaries that incures feelings of wanting more and more and this just won’t happen. Unless you can switch off from the above comments of course. I’m in a similar position as you and am keeping the brakes on, for now.

I agree with DotMH1901, who has expressed well, exactly what I am thinking.

Would you accept the situation if in reverse and it was your husband who was thinking of having sex outside of your marriage? Is he having treatment for his depression? I personally don't think having an affair will help you. You need to sort out where you see your life going, if you don't want to leave your husband then perhaps seeing a counsellor together might help things. If you would be thinking of leaving him if he was well then perhaps you need to start making preparations to do that, look into where you would live, how you would be placed financially etc and then make your choice. Dragging a third person (however willing they may be) into the mix is just a complication, not a remedy

If he is a friend of you both! The friend isn’t a real friend. Tell your partner how you feel, depression is dreadful.

If you feel it would be wrong to have a relationship outside your marriage, then it is wrong. If you feel it would be all right, then it is all right.

However, in your place, I would consider carefully, what your partner is going to feel if, or when he discovers that you have a lover, and too, what the wife of the other man is going to feel.

You could potentially cause a lot of hurt, to yourself as well as others.

If at any time in the past you promised to be faithful to your partner, you will be breaking a promise.

Some women do find it easier to leave a man if they are having an affair with someone else.

I think you need to consider very seriously, whether you really want to leave your partner. Would you be willing to stay if he is treated for his depression? Will you worry about him, if you leave him?

No one can really advise you, but perhaps some of the points we make can help you make up your own mind.

Why do you think the Bible verse doesn’t apply? And what if there is a God and he thinks it does, and one day you stand before him to be judged?

‘Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment’ Hebrews‬ ‭9:27‬.

How would you feel if your dil was going to have an affair because your son was depressed?

Joyfulnanna
Affairs always come out. Please don't kid yourself with a fantasy that doesn't exist

Are adults sex toys a possibility?

Your dh deserves better.

I don't want to come across big headed but I've never been 'dumped' so I don't know what it feels like.

I don't want to cheat on him. I don't want a stranger to have sex with.. Its not my style at all but I see it as a function. I don't want a loving relationship with the other man and neither does he. I know the man very well, all his past relationships and what he's like, so know what I'd be getting myself into and I'm not an inexperienced teenager. The religious scripture surely doesn't apply but the moral one does. I know it would hurt him to find out but if he didn't, who would it hurt?

From what you've said, I don't think you'd particularly enjoy being the OW. It's not all sunshine and flowers, especially if you're feeling guilty the whole time. And your potential lover sounds like a player - you would soon be discarded. How would you feel then?

What happened to “in sickness and in health”? ! The man is ill and you want to cheat on him. Selfish. Go with the other man; you deserve each other.

Technically it is wrong, but hey, what've you got to loose if you get found out, enjoy!

It would be unfair and unkind to your husband and the other man’s partner. And if fidelity isn’t the other man’s strong point, it could be setting yourself up for pain getting sexually involved with him.

I would either leave and look for someone not in a relationship, or stay and be faithful.

‘You shall not commit adultery.’ Exodus 20:14.

I was in a brother/sister type relationship with my husband for years due to his progressive illness. Having been the ‘injured party’ when my first husband committed adultery, there is absolutely no way I would put another person in that position, particularly someone I love.

I would say that to avoid hurting others (and believe me, the ripples can spread a long way), you should choose to stick with your marriage and hope that you can persuade your husband to seek treatment and/or counselling or, leave the marriage altogether.

I can’t imagine for one minute that it is easy but, some people manage to continue to live together for financial reasons but, live independent lives, including having relationships with other people, preferably unmarried ones.

Sorry to mention this, but the impact on your very depressed is not to be discounted, if you left him.

It might affect his health badly. If you care for him in some way, this might be a factor.

If he has no other family support, and becomes severely ill if you leave him, you might end up being pulled into being his support/carer, even if you aren’t living with him.

Sorry to have said this but it is a factor. With austerity having removed most local mental health services, there would be very little out there to help him if he needs further help.

Unless one has been in that situation one cannot comment. I have been in that situation and at the end of the day I still cannot comment on your affair. What I can say is that you are a grown person and you know your needs, not wants, more than anyone else. How you fulfill your needs is up to you but be prepared for any after - shocks.