Affair

If you decide to have sex with this man don't tell your husband. It's always seemed very selfish to me to make someone else unhappy so YOU can feel better for telling them.
If you decide to have the affair, it's up to you to hold it quietly, however guilty you may feel. I know this is not the accepted view where share-all is expected.

I agree with you, Daisy131.
Happy for someone to say that to your partner, Dillonsgranma? Affairs can be exciting, but rarely “hurt no one” - either at the time, or in the future (IMO).
sodapop has given a sensible viewpoint.

Life is short. Provide you are hurting no one just carry on ?

Marriage is for better or worse, but if you really feel there's no future then best to be honest and leave I think. But as for having an affair with someone who himself is in a relationship, that is in my opinion a huge fat NO. Have you considered the impact on his partner if she finds out what you're doing? I type as someone who discovered her husband had been having an affair for a number of years - it nearly destroyed me and blew our family apart. So please, please think very carefully before you take that step - and be honest with all parties.

Is your husband depressed because he also no longer wants to be in the relationship?
Would you be doing him a favour if you left?

Sex with Mr Fling may not turn out to be all you imagine. Then where will that leave you? Things can get complicated....

If you and your partner agree on having a open relationship - you have the green light to pursue it.
However, it would be better to pick someone that is not so close to the social circle.

If no open relationship- this is cheating.

Beware of the grass is greener syndhrome - short term satisfaction may lead to long term consequences

Put yourself on your partner's shoes and think how an affair would affect you.

I was in your position 30 years ago. All I will say is that if you have an affair there will be consequences. Your actions could affect many lives. But you deserve to be happy and I think you will be tempted. Not great advice I know.

You might enjoy talking to each other though

Honesty is the key.

Are you connected at all to the poster asking about Frequency?

Perhaps you could compare notes.

I'm not clear if your unhappiness is long standing Joyfulnana or just as a result of your husband's depression. Would you be feeling this way if he had a physical illness which prevented him having sex. I think you may find an affair may be exciting for a time but its not real and may cause hurt to others.
Talk to your husband about the problems, talk to others who live with depression. If after all things are not working then spend some time alone before embarking on another relationship..

Joyful I would advise against having an affair with a man you know, especially if he is “experienced” and is still with his wife.
You are attracted to him because you know him and regard him as “safe”, you might have a quickie, feel guilty and not see him again. On the other hand you might fall for him and get rejected, as his previous dalliances. You should go together with your husband to relationship counseling and if it does not improve divorce him and find yourself a single man.

I lost my wife a while ago and my new partner was exactly in your situation, no affection for many years so divorced her husband. Because we knew each others background previously they was no trust barrier and it has been easy to get the relationship going.

Best of luck

Two wrongs will never make a right Joyful , if you are living a life you are unhappy with then fix it. One supposes you did love your husband once , so do him the courtesy of telling him , and then leave if nothing changes. Get divorced and then - and only then- think about finding a new partner.

Knowing how unhappy you are - why would you choose another man who is taken and impose that pain on another woman? Find yourself a new , unattached man .

Sounds very selfish to me,all me me me and no thoughts for the husband who has before his depression affected him probably loved and supported you for years buts thats just my personal opinion.

If you have an affair with your friend it's likely you will develope feelings for him. This will upset the relationship between your 2 families. It's unlikely he will leave his wife.

Val. Profound..made me really think. Unhappiness is easy to get used to and being stuck in this situation means I stay as I do. Living a little sounds wonderful, I've got more to give than sex to some man who makes me feel wanted

Joyfulnanna

Im guessing your staying in the relationship with your husband due to history, the years you have shared together and the security that this brings.
Im also guessing this also brings financial security along with a home.
I know this is in itself is difficult to contemplate giving up.
The man in question I don't believe would show you the affection/love that you need. If this is something you want to do then please do not choose him, go out and live a little, find a friendship group, join social evenings for singles (maybe) but don't sell yourself short.
I believe a woman sees to feel a mans love for her and you
cannot feel this from your partner due to his health needs, and the love has disappeared or disintegrated, which is very sad.
I also believe life is for living and you are stuck in a situation that prevents you from doing this.
Start living and do it now as life is never guaranteed even tho we often feel we are immortal, go out and get your life back and if you chose to move on from there you will be in a much better place to make informed decisions of whether you go with another man or not.... I hope this helps you on your journey x

Thank you doodle

On one hand, you could look at it that you should be there for your husband, no matter what, and that having an affair is wrong and not to be considered.

On the other, you could look at it that you have one life, have spent x years feeling unloved, are however far through your life, and have a chance of happiness now.

I don't think that any of us can make that decision for you - it depends on your own outlook, and neither choice will make you a bad person.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find happiness. Life's too short to spend it unhappy.

Yes, I think your man needs support to get some help, because its not just him who is affected.

He can't expect that things will just limp along as they are indefinitely.

Looking for greener grass? You may not find it in a quick fling.
If your DH is depressed he's unwell. Don't you owe it to him to support him through this phase in his life?
What's the worst that could happen if you had an affair? - you could lose your current lifestyle and home as well as possibly the respect of your extended family. It's a lot to risk for a quickie.

I'm going to try more affection, remind myself that he could be me and I would feel let down if he had an affair. But I've got to put a time limit on it or I'll go mad. He won't go to the gp alone or with me. I'm going to try couples counselling. It's been helpful to hear everyone's advice. Thank you x

Oops by “he” I mean your DH not Mr Fling!

Well now..

You would probably be better off trying to fix your relationship, maybe?

You could find that you end up with a depressed man at home and then feel rather used yourself.

You may get found out, then what?

Other than that... its for you to decide.