Deep Grief

This is so sad, you did your very best I hope you can find a way through this by trying to talk to the rest of the family, take care of yourself , I don’t think you have ranted at all, I think you are a remarkable lady and I wish you all the very best

Sending condolences.

A couple of points from your post.

1. You are still his next of kin on paper.
2. His son is 24.

24 is awfully young to undertake the responsibilities. I don't know what your relationship is to the young man but could you call him and ask for half an hour of his time to discuss what you believe to be important for the funeral of your ex partner? If he says he doesn't have the time put some thoughts on paper and give them to him - copies to other family members maybe.

I say "what you believe to be important for the funeral" because, in time, I think you'll find these things less important. When someone dies unexpectedly it can feel that no-one has really taken into account the wishes of the deceased. His musical tastes, what his wishes were.

When my darling Dad died at 80 I asked my Mum what his wishes were - "I don't know" was her startled response. If you know what your ex partners wishes were, then tell the son, but if he decides to go in another direction try and find it within yourself to shrug and let it go.

So sorry for your loss❤

Felicity my heartfelt sympathies. My brother was also an alcoholic and died early 2018 as a result of a fall age 52. There was nothing anyone could do to help him in the end but it was heartbreaking. You did your very best for your partner. Remember the good times and help where you can. Try talking to the family again. Good luck.

So sorry for your predicament and your loss.x

Huge hugs from me ? sad times that nothing can make any easier for you only the healing passage of more time xx

Felicity were you married and how long had you been together? I can certainly imagine this has magnified your grief, and you have behaved very lovingly towards this man, he must have been very challenging with the alcoholism.

I would definitely channel that grief into talking to a specialist bereavement counsellor who can not only support you but give you practical information because I can see this getting more complicated over the next few weeks.

Condolences to you Felicity - it is so hard when someone you love dies. You did so much for this man - above and beyond - and I hope you will be able to take comfort from that. So hard for you to feel you are on the periphery when you knew him so well. Hold onto your right to grieve and to be proud of helping him to the best of your ability in his hour of need. I am sure you did all you could. Alcoholism is such a blight, and so hard for loved-ones to help.

My sincerest condolences Felicity
It does you good to vent on here but offers no solutions to your situation with your DP's family.
I hope you can find some resolution that suits you all.
Incident your P would not have clothes in the mortuary as I found to my dismay in April when my H died.
However as soon as he goes to an undertaker you can take whatever you like.
Please take care of yourself, you need your strength to deal with all this.