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Dont want to upset anyone

(36 Posts)
Sweetpea60 Thu 10-Oct-19 11:25:18

After a terrible year last year my son and his partner vgot me an adorable spaniel puppy the type of dog ive always yearned for and believe me this dog is absolutly gorgeous. My problem is that as the weeks have passed i think it was a mistake on thier parti know they meant well but i feel that its a bit to late in life for a boisturous 5 month pup. Im 60 next year and my hisband is 69 with bad mobility problems and other health issues plus i am his carer that in itself is stress enough. I have explained it to my son and he said no problem they would have the dog as they have one already the same age and they would come and pick him up this weekend but i dont want them to think im ungrateful or upset them .i love the dog dearly but feel its a bit to late in life for a puppy. I know they will love him and they would bring him to see us on visits .i just want to do the right thing i think the dog will have a better life with them and thier young family.

MissAdventure Thu 10-Oct-19 11:31:19

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
You have enough to contend with, and the dog will enjoy having a more suitable environment.

Better to admit that it's not working out than to try and struggle on.

pinkquartz Thu 10-Oct-19 11:34:11

You sound very sensible and reasonable.
A puppy is a great deal of work and commitment.
You are making the right decision.

Unless there is a way for your son and DP to give you more support while the puppy is a pup ?

crazyH Thu 10-Oct-19 11:34:16

You have done the right thing. You can pop over to see the dog and they will bring him over. It's always nice to be straight and open from the start.
A couple of years ago, I was asked to do the nursery run for my little grandson. I'm the world's worst, nervous, driver, so I explained my fears to my son and d.i.l. They understood ..... a bit awkward at first, but everything is fine now .

midgey Thu 10-Oct-19 11:37:11

It’s not a problem at all, they said they will have him and you will still see him. Puppies are just babies, we all remember what hard work babies were/are but we just forget about dogs! Perhaps when the dog is adult....in about two years!....you can get involved again.b

nanasam Thu 10-Oct-19 11:38:32

A puppy is an enormous strain on anyone, particularly with the problems you've had. If you'd wanted a dog, perhaps your son could have got you an adult rescue dog instead, where you'd know its personality and needs. For example, he could have chosen one which was very quiet and didn't need a lot of exercise.

CleoPanda Thu 10-Oct-19 11:43:07

I have an older friend in her early seventies who shares ownership of a gorgeous dog with her married daughter. It seems to work out very well. They both have days or weekends of custody! The dog has different rules at the two houses - not on sofas at one, never on beds at the other. She knows exactly what’s allowed at each house! She gets super excited going to either house after a stay at the other one! The daughter trained the pup with regular stays with mum. Now a beautifully behaved dog everywhere.

Sweetpea60 Thu 10-Oct-19 11:47:56

Thankyou for the advice i do think its the right thing to do even though he is drop dead gorgeous at least my sons family will love and enjoy him they live in the counrty so he can have nice long walks .

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 10-Oct-19 11:48:17

Don't feel guilty sweetpea - I'm sure you're doing the right thing. Perhaps if you'd been able to get a dog 10 or 15 years ago it would have worked out better. Puppy will go to a home where they are better able to cope. We all make mistakes. You'll still be able to enjoy the little dear during visits.

wildswan16 Thu 10-Oct-19 12:07:18

Maybe your son was really really wanting another pup, so very sneakily gave you one - knowing that he would get it eventually ! wink .

But seriously, you are doing the right thing - and will still enjoy visits from pup but not have the hassle.

humptydumpty Thu 10-Oct-19 12:17:15

This sounds like an ideal solution - good luck for the future.

travelsafar Thu 10-Oct-19 12:28:19

I think you are doing the right thing, not only for yourself but the puppy too. You will still be able to see it hopefully and maybe look after it on the odd occasionsmile A neighbour bought a puppy even though she worked nights which meant the dog was alone all night and most of the day while she slept. I was so happy when she told me she decided to rehome it. It has gone to a couple with a small holding so it will get plenty of lovely exercise and be happy. smile Sometimes we have to put our pets feelings before our own and you are to be applauded for doing so. flowers

glammanana Thu 10-Oct-19 12:38:16

Sweetpea Please don't feel bad about this you have given it long enough for you to know it is not going to work out for you and I applaude your son for being so understanding and rehoming the puppy you will find that the two puppies together will grow up to be good pals and keep each other company.
When you visit your sons home you can take the puppy out for a walk and have cuddles so you will still see him on a regular basis.flowers

agnurse Thu 10-Oct-19 13:13:05

This is the exact reason animals should never be given as gifts.

It may not be an option for you, but our mechanic looks after his daughter's dog during the day. She works, and he has a farm, so he keeps the pup with him and she picks it up at night. He calls it the Rent-A-Dog program grin

Daisymae Thu 10-Oct-19 13:56:29

I am in a very similar situation to you. After much discussion we decided to get a puppy. Nearly drove us mad and DH to a break down. I came within a hairs breath of rehoming. However I knew she was going to be a good dog so I persevered. That was 10 years ago and she's an integral part of our home. She has brought a lot of life and joy into the house. I walk her every day, get to chat to different people and she keeps my husband company while I am out. It was hardwork, but she grew up and we have grown old together.

Coconut Fri 11-Oct-19 10:02:59

A dog share arrangement is the perfect solution and my son does this with his in-laws. You all get quality time with the pup, but also the help when needed. As long as you talk candidly with your son, express your gratitude and mention your concerns too, all should be fine.

beautybumble Fri 11-Oct-19 10:23:20

Puppies can be very hard work, but the adolescent stage can be even harder. It's a pity the timing isn't right for you as you do love dogs because once they're adults they can be a wonderful addition to the family. I hope you can work out what's right for you.

SillyNanny321 Fri 11-Oct-19 10:51:35

How about adopting an older dog from a good Rescue such as Dogs Trust. There is the good thing that the dog will be more settled, hopefully picked by the Rescue to match your needs.
Or you could try adopting an older cat from Cats Protection where my lovely cats came from.
Good luck in whatever you choose even if you only share your puppy.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 11-Oct-19 11:19:13

As you say you have a lot of stress I definately agree a puppy is hard work, you have to think about these things before you get a dog with other things going on in your life, I think it’s fantastic idea for the puppy to go with another dog where it can run off it’s energy it will have great fun, and you will be able to see it and watch it grow without the added responsibility of owning it, an older dog much easier but saying that still needs walks several times a day, cats are much easier

Mealybug Fri 11-Oct-19 11:19:32

I'm 64 and full-time carer for hubby who is 71 and now had Lewy Body Dementia. I lost my little dog of 12 years a few weeks ago and I miss her so much. We have my daughter's rescue dog who is 10 and has lived with us since she was 2 and I think she is missing Pip too. I would love to have another dog but feel that a puppy would be too much with everything else going on, so I understand where you are coming from. I've considered an older dog from rescue but I'm a bit worried that I don't know their background, especially with grandchildren visiting. By the way you're not old at 60 but if you're like me, I bet some days you feel it xx

GillT57 Fri 11-Oct-19 11:42:15

Your son and his wife are kind and understanding people and you are all, to my mind, doing the right thing. Puppies are very hard work, especially spaniels! You can repay their kindness by looking after the dogs when they go on holiday perhaps?

Aepgirl Fri 11-Oct-19 11:47:18

what a dilemma. It is certainly the right thing to say that the dog is a bit difficult for you. I would also tell your son that you would be very happy to look after the dog when they need a dog-sitter.

kwest Fri 11-Oct-19 12:39:23

My husband recently finally agreed to us having two puppies he retires. I am out all the time, so someone needs to be at home with them. I was over the moon until I gave it some thought and realised that in our mid-seventies we may not have the energy for such a big responsibility. I never in my life believed I would turn down such an opportunity, I love dogs, but realised that I really like the life we have now and don't actually want to change it.

Anthea1948 Fri 11-Oct-19 12:57:32

I'm sure that you've given them all the reasons you don't feel able to keep the dog and therefore they will totally understand. And it's a lovely solution as your puppy is still going to be 'part of the family' and you'll see him regularly.
I love our rescue dog, but she was 11 when we got her and sleeps all the time (much like DH!). I would find a boisterous puppy very hard to cope with now I'm in my 70s, it was hard enough when I was in my 50s!

sarahellenwhitney Fri 11-Oct-19 13:48:10

I do not believe in giving someone a pet of any kind following a 'bad time' in their lives. Let that person make the choice as I dread to think how many of these pets are pushed aside unless fortunate hmm?enough to be taken to a sanctuary for rehoming.

Maybelle Fri 11-Oct-19 14:10:29

This sounds like the ideal solution, you can continue to see the puppy but without all the hard work that puppies can cause.

Daisymae Fri 11-Oct-19 14:30:43

Anyone watching 'the dog house' can be in no doubt of the therapeutic value of pets. Having said that you only get back what you put in. Of course not all dogs are the right match, which is a vital consideration. Even the mildest mannered pooch is going to take a lot of commitment.

MissAdventure Fri 11-Oct-19 14:32:54

A dog is a huge commitment.

There is no obligation to have one if its not right for you.

Not a rescue, not an older dog, not a dog share.

Its kinder to say "No thanks".

Edithb Fri 11-Oct-19 15:33:35

A friend of mine is having a spaniel puppy and said she had been told it will be like looking after a baby so she isn’t looking forward to that stage, and she is in her forties!

sazz1 Fri 11-Oct-19 16:18:37

We have a working cocker spaniel and I can tell you they are very high energy. Very very loving but 2 speeds asleep and calm or very active at home constantly on the go. Need 2 x 1 hrs run at a minimum every day. Suit joggers, farm or small holding owners, hikers, gamblers etc. Outdoor people who enjoy the countryside, beating and shooting, rural life. Definitely not for anyone houseproud - they shed all year round and actively seek out mud and water. Most loving cuddly dog we have ever owned but not for people with limited mobility. Good luck Hope ýou still see the dog at your sons xxx

sazz1 Fri 11-Oct-19 16:29:13

Ramblers not gamblers lol

MamaCaz Fri 11-Oct-19 16:51:34

I'm glad you clarified that, sazz1 - try as I might, I couldn't think how such a dog would suit a gambler grin

sazz1 Fri 11-Oct-19 16:58:48

Well spaniels are very intelligent lololsmile

123kitty Fri 11-Oct-19 17:15:06

You were given an unasked for pup, you can't manage it, it's happily been taken back by DS- where's the problem?

Hm999 Fri 11-Oct-19 19:04:18

I care for my daughter (though that's not as taxing as caring for an older person ), and think I'd go crazy if I didn't have an hour out with the dog every morning - though it's another commitment. I'm much nearer your husband's age than yours.
A dog-share if they're not too far away?

Hm999 Fri 11-Oct-19 19:05:42

Meant to say 'small spaniel'