retired husband driving me crazy

Just a thought... with those health (?) habits, he may start to have some fairly serious health issues brewing in the not-too-distant future. Might be worth considering how you’d feel about having to look after him, especially as you’re making every effort to stay healthy yourself.
Or indeed, whether he’d want/be able to look after you if you did become ill?

It sounds like he’s got what he wants lifestyle wise but you haven’t
I think retirement opens up many cans of worms
While we are busy working and only seeing each other briefly differences in approach to life dont show up but after retirement it’s all there 24/7
I’d say work on doing the things you want to do to avoid resentment
But also think about whether you can tolerate this behaviour longer term
What would happen if you needed help ? Would he rouse himself to do this ?
I’m definitely of the do as much as you can cram in approach
Mine is more do as little as you can get away with but make a big fuss about what you do do
I notice this difference in many partnerships I see
I think it comes down to selfishness
How you stop that I don’t yet have the answer !

If you are staying in the marriage because you feel guilty suzette then it's not really enough is it. Also to have kept a 'bolt hole' gives cause for concern. I think you need to look at the pros and cons of this relationship and weigh up how you would both be happiest.
So many people have different expectations of retirement which they don't discuss prior to retiring. Can you reach some compromise about activities/ relaxation.?

Tedber, the first few years were fine, we were looking for a new house so had a project together. Also we were both working so were not together so much.
I realise that (wise after the event) we should not have married, we have different upbringings and our differences are too great. He has said (in a very rare opening-up moment) that he is content with our marriage as his first one was dreadful! `Marry in haste...` keeps going through my head.

Thank you Sillygrandma5GK for your kind words.

I am just filled with dread at the thought of years and years of this.
On good days I tell myself it could of course be much worse, on bad days I fantasise about moving into my little bolt-hole house (I kept it when we got married). I think I would feel too guilty to go however. On really frustrated days I imagine smothering him with a cushion!

What were the first 8 years like suzette? Some people do seem more content to laze about in retirement.

My other half would be one of them. I keep myself busy because I don’t like doing nothing. Although both of us are still working part time.

I just accept it’s how he wants to relax (second marriage also ten years). When I want him to do something with me I just give him the fait accompli- and he does it but I don’t nag. I regularly want to do things with friends and he never moans so I guess it suits me. I wouldn’t like to be without him though, there are lots more things I love him for, which is something I think you need to ask yourself. Would you be happier living alone? Don’t get me wrong I don’t believe being unhappy in a relationship is better than being alone. Sometimes though you, if you want to stay married you just have to agree to be different.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.