Not getting it right

It would bother me more if things weren't going well !

I don't think that you have done anything wrong. We should bring our children up to be independent and capable of living their own life. This is what you have achieved, you should pat yourself on the back.

Modern working life demands so much of people at whatever level that there is simply less space for grandparents, especially if they are not local; teenagers have a huge range of options to fill any time not being devoted to school work, and factoring in Granny will not be a priority.

As Luckygirl observes, it sounds as if you have done an excellent job in raising capable and successful adults, so bask in the reflected glory.

We take whatever we are offered with gratitude now that DH is really not up to being away from home; we used to do the travelling because we were the ones with the time, but can’t do that now.

I understand your post peonyrose- I frequently feel that way but other posters are right in that it’s quite normal with the busy lives we all lead.

I also remember that I couldn’t be bothered visiting my grandparents as often as I should have when I was a teenager either so I can hardly complain now can I?

This is a normal phase of life - take delight in the fact that they are all doing so well. You have done a good job!!

Peonyrose

I know what you mean. I think especially when the GC are small, we are very useful and needed for babysitting etc. but as they grow up we are needed less and less. Also the GC are not so bothered about spending time with the oldies, although they do still care I’m sure, and AC are so busy nowadays with work, social life, household and so on.
I’m sure they love and need us still, but maybe in different ways.

"They have all done well, children and grandchildren, seem happy and finding their place in the world,"

That's good.
People don't 'do well' without putting in a lot of effort - and effort takes time, so you already know they are busy people.

How do you want them to include you?

"I have a busy life and friends"

And how does that look from the outside - to family for instance?

'Oh, Mum's always too busy, so won't want to come with us.'

'Mum has her own friends and the kids are too noisy, they might annnoy her.'

I remember when my darling grand-daughter got to the age when she no longer wanted to spend the weekends with me doing crafts, cooking, games and walking in our ocal woods as she used to enjoy.

She was full on with all her extra curricular stuff, constantly studying and occasional partying. She wanted to 'do well' - and did.

But there was no place in that for a Grandma. All perfectly normal. Don't take it personally.

Have you invited them to be part of something in your life?

Have you considered organising something for you all? A big family pic-nic (weather permitting) a buffet at your house, a weekend away etc?

I don't know how mobile you are but I would also suggest, if possible, why not just drop in on them? It seems to me that you are all very busy in your own lives that you're loosing out in family time.

Your post reminds me of a colleague I once knew; she was on her own and decided to go to a local event, a crafting club I think. When I saw her a few days later and asked her how it went she said " oh, not good, no one spoke to me" I then asked her " but did you speak to anyone yourself " to which she said " well no, of course not, I can't do that, they should come to me!"