Christmas, feeling a bit sad

I think you are being a tiny bit selfish.

Leave them alone to do their own thing for a change.
It sounds as if you want things all your own way.

I too felt shocked when I saw Allowed it!!! Who is she to get to call all the shots. That poor girl attending each year and then wanting time with her husband this year has shown how to behave properly and with respect but there’s no way she should have to do it tear after year. And as for granny being upset - that’s blackmail pure and simple. This mother in law is out on a beam wanting everything her way I too have children who once’s doesn’t the time eith me but now they have their own families I see them the day after Boxing Day if they are coming over to visit. I hope this situation doesn’t spoil her relationship with her son and daughter in law in the future .

I agree with most of the posts, our son has a pub and Xmas day is spent there for the last 5 years, 3 of which my daughter has opted to go somewhere else with her family. One has to respect in life other peoples decisions, that they are doing right for them and their family. They have spent time with other grandparents and my son in laws brothers and I think, although hard on us to not be with them, it great that other people get to spend time with them that they don’t get during the year. So try and let go of what you want and see what is best for their family unit.

No way should you interfere - accept that they need a holiday and wish them a wonderful time - maybe contribute something to have a meal when they are away. Perhaps you can have a get together in the new year. Not a belated Christmas celebration... So that they can see grandmother. Please don't try and make them feel guilty about not coming for Christmas. They do not' need this.

Eglantine you made me laugh and blush as the same time.
I hadn't actually thought of that but now I won't be able to unread that thought.

Yes, I think it takes some 'taking it on the chin' when you asked for unbiased opinions on a public forum. But my own friends as dear as they are to me, often give unhelpful advice.

I'm not going to lie, it will be hard to pretend I'm not sad, but I'll give it my best shot!

I agree with MissAdventure. Just be happy they are happy. My son and his wife like to stay at home with their little boy. We don’t get invited, so I have to let it go. I certainly didn’t see my own parents regularly when my children were young, as we lived long distant. I try to look back and I don’t remember thinking my own parents missed out.

Respect Dilly. You took it on the chin!

I can see it was a bit hurtful for them to decide they’d go off on there own rather than stay, but actually if they’re living with you they need some uninhibited rumpy pumpy time ?

I say this from the perspective of someone who had to live with her son and his partner for six months last year. Very inhibiting! For them and me and the lover ?

Well no, Christmas is all about the birth of Christ.

Dilly, I think your friends are completely out of order. Of course it’s not rude

You have to let it go. If you don't, you might get your son to change his mind, but the relationship will bear the scar from you having ruined their plans.

Good luck Dilly.

Anniemay That is so sad.

Hello all,

Thank you all so much for taking the time to post advice.
I left out one piece of information, they are living with me at the moment to save money, they pay rent and provide their own food and spilt the bills etc, I think this is why I especially was upset as I took it personally they'd rather leave than spend holiday with us.

Reading through everyone's comments it does seem I need to back off and let them go with good grace. That is why I love this forum, my friends advice when I told them was that it was rude of them to abandon us at Christmas as it's all about family.

I don't want them to resent us, as some posters mentioned there is a risk of that if we push them. It's hard to let go what you are used to isn't it!

I've already chewed out my son about it in front of DIL and said I was hurt and that it was odd to go away on their own rather than be with family. I will have to be positive about it the next time it is raised.

I can just imagine how long and how hard they have thought about this, it must have taken courage to speak to you! Please just smile and wish them well, I wonder if he needed a drink before he even broached the subject

BlueBelle and Sara ....ALLOWED jumped right down my throat too!
What a very odd thing to say.

Let them go where they want to go and for goodness sake do not make them feel guilty by trying to persuade them to come to yours.

I’m facing Christmas alone after losing my husband a year ago after 45 years together. We always spent Christmases together as my parents didn’t want a fuss at Christmas and his were dead. I don’t have any family left.
Let yours do what they want and don’t make a big thing over it. Enjoy being together as a couple because once that’s gone it’s very very hard.

No response from Dilly as yet. Hope she sees the replies as constructive even though most don't agree.

I do understand how you feel, but I think you have to let them go, for this year at least. I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet and make Christmas as wonderful as you can for those who will be with you.

maybe that should be potatoes

Frozen roast potatos are lovely btw. And roast parsnips to die for.

The OP is obviously trying to deal with it as best she can.

I would just let them go. Get your other son and his partner to do the cooking.

Oh that's not fair!

I am sorry for anyone who is disappointed. I am more sorry for your hardworking son and especially his homesick wife. You should support them not emotionally blackmail them.

Wow I think you are being very selfish, surely you want your son n DIL to do what they want to do. They are burnt out for goodness sake, your son has explained to you that his wife hasn’t been home to see her parents and it’s not fun for her to see someone else’s family and she feels homesick, I bet she does, totally agree with bluebelle on the comment why do some ppl feel they have to be the centre of their grown up children’s lives, surely they can do what they want to do, just because you brought them up doesn’t mean they should do what you want them to do. They are adults who make their own choices in life,