Is this Infidelity?

I certainly wouldnt waste my efforts contacting her. I doubt that she would care and the first thing she will do is to tell him.

I think I would bide my time and consider my options before doing anything. Mid 70s - you could have years of looking after your husband ahead if you, not knowing if he is up to his old tricks again. Or you could consider what your legal and financial position would be if you separate and build a new life away from him.
Would being alone be worse than staying knowing what he is like?

I think you are so emotionally exhausted/drained that you cannot bring yourself to take any of the good advice offered. I know how that feels. Maybe you need some support to help you decide .
I have no experience of either of the following organizations, but I wonder if one of them might offer a listening ear in confidence and give you somewhere to turn for help.
I'm thinking of Relate, which deals with relationship problems, and also Silverline which is less well known - here's a copy of their blurb
"The Silver Line is a free confidential telephone helpline offering information, friendship and advice to older people in the United Kingdom, available 24 hours a day."
I think there are different phone numbers depending where you live so it's better for you to google one or both, if you think its a good idea.
Seek help - its not good to keep this bottled up inside.

I would definitely confront your husband. Why should you be left anxious because of his actions?
I think if you do confront him you will feel much better. I had a very similar situation to this, I told my husband he had no respect for me what-so-ever. I gave him the option to leave without any animosity and surprisingly he fell apart when he realised what he had done. Now I can't get rid of him, always beside me and declaring love (been about 10 years of this). To be honest I sometimes wish he had left.

I think they're just making themselves look silly. Are they playing at star-crossed lovers or something? I am sorry to be ageist, but I am in my late 60s and would consider myself to look ridiculous if I started trying to romance someone now. Let them get on with it - and let him know how amusing you find it all. That should take some of the glamour out of it.

I would have reached my limit. I would tell him as he is so fixated with her he can go to her and you are going on strike. No cooking for him, no doing his laundry, no running around fetching cups of tea etc. but he is welcome to get her to run around after him. He is being so disrespectful to you and he needs a short sharp wake up call. Could you go away for a weekend and leave him on his own so he realises how much he will miss you? You have got to stop 'allowing him' this bad behaviour. You even help him check credit balance on computer. I would be losing his phone in the rubbish bin.

It sounds like this woman may regard the affair as "unfinished business" and - agreeing with jaylucy -your DH is vain enough to have responded to the initial contact.

It is annoying that he thinks you wouldn't find out!

You could (as others have suggested) call her and confront her but she may be the determined type who won't be put off.

As she may also tell him you got in touch it may be better to confront your DH about it if you trust him to stop at your request.

Then you can judge his reaction but be prepared to hear lies or something you don't want to hear.

I don't think you should do nothing if you find it unacceptable. This will fester unless it is tackled.

Kaycee
I admire your resilience and the courage to stay with a man who clearly has never lost contact with another woman he found, in his words 'fun'. Interested to know how he perceives fun?Can you be sure there was no sexual contact or just wishful thinking on both sides.? Either way but facts remain there were and still are three persons in your marriage.Can you continue living with this ?

You really need to talk to him about this - although it is tempting to contact the other woman I wouldn't do it. He is the one who needs to tell her it has to stop - as others have said tell him how hurt you are.

Anything that is carried out with secrecy (except a surprise party!) especially with the facts you've stated, is dishonest and he certainly is hiding something. You have taken this crap once, don't take it again. There are always better fish in the sea than then worm filled ones that come out!

You could tell him that you looked at his phone and although you are clearly disgusted with yourself - it was because you were feeling an uncontrollable urge to do so. That is on him. He was withholding and being secretive and there cannot be true love where there are lies. You need to take action one way or another - this limbo life is no good for anyone.

If he's not very tech savvy, how about blocking her number on his phone and deleting her from his contact list? Then the only way for him to contact her is if he knows her number by heart, she'll be blocked from contacting him. Simples!

Do not contact her, the blame lies with your husband. He see's you as his carer, and her as someone he can enjoy corresponding with.
He sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Cake and eat it comes to mind.

Agree with others re his phone except that I would lose it - look for an opportunity (you'll have to remove the SIM - keep it in case you ever need the evidence for a divorce). Do you have a BT landline? They can block her number. Then monitor his behaviour. He may just think that she doesn't want to be in touch and give up - but be vigilant. If this doesn't work, then you'll have to confront him. PS if it does come out, don't feel guilty about checking his phone - tell him that his behaviour was raising your suspicions (but you're not going to expand on what was different - so you can tell if it happens again ... )

been where you are, its tough but you have to ask yourself what you want and what you deserve, ring the woman ask he what she wants, then give him a ultimatum to stop the texts as your upset with it, its disrespectful to you. and you deserve better so confront them both. and look after your needs.

I have to wonder just why this woman (I assume it is the same one!) keeps coming back to him - maybe whenever she's not in a real relationship and is bored?
I bet it's a real kick to his vanity , all these "secrets"
I think that men and women can be friends, but if that is all it is, why the secrecy? Why doesn't he arrange for you both to meet up with her if she has so many problems?
I like the idea of contacting her and telling her to go away - the only problem is, when he asks her why, would she be able to keep her mouth shut and not tell him it was because you told her to?
A friend of mine found out her husband was sexting another woman while she was going through a difficult pregnancy (just what you need at that time) so she contacted the woman, they met up and became friends -even to the point of inviting her along on outings - other woman came to the conclusion that it was no longer fun once you'd sat at the same table and watched your"lover" belch and break wind , and cut all ties after a few months and after the baby was born.

I agree with others. Text or phone her. When she knows the real situation she will disappear fast...

How dare he treat you like this. You are amazing putting up with it. Many would have told him where to go years ago.

All I can say is do not put yourself through this torture do not feel guilty about checking his phone, I would confront him about this or this will bring you down he is the one that has to stop, be strong do not put fear in front of you.
My thoughts are with you.

Please , whatever you do about contacting the woman friend do what will make your husband happy. In his state of health he may well die before you and you will want to know you did everything you could to make him happy in his last years.

Maybe your are afraid your husband will divorce you and marry her. This is vanishingly unlikely as he has been happy with you for 52 years, and he won't want to spend his son's inheritance on a divorce.

I'd not get in touch with her unless she wants to meet you. Keep your dignity. After 52 years of happy enough marriage and shared offspring you have more hold over your husband than she has. I bet even if they met in the flesh and went to bed together they would not be able to make love.

Kaycee if you didn’t feel up to challenging either of them you could block her number on his phone (WhatsApp can also be blocked) if he’s not tech savvy he wouldn’t know. Not the most honest thing but it would get her out of your lives. I hope you can move forward in what ever way us best for you.

... and unlike other advice, I wouldn't lie about picking up the wrong phone or using subterfuge.
That puts you in the wrong too, albeit in a different way.
Lies are never a comfortable path to walk.

Is the mobile phone their only form of contact? If so, and you say he isn’t tech savvy, get hold of his phone and put a block on her number then delete all texts etc plus remove from contacts. He would probably realise what has happened but would he have the balls to challenge you? Wouldn’t work so well if he has the number written down. Have a look in his wallet!! Good luck.

If I were in your position I would want to sit him down and have a conversation about his behaviour. Tell him you still love him but explain how hurt you are and if he still wants to be with you then he has to break all contact with this woman.

Would she still be interested in him as a man with health issues?
Why didn't you insist on him changing his mobile number and your landline number all those years ago instead of it happening again and you still not changing numbers?
You will have to live with it now as you did nothing to put a line under it when you had the chance.
Not good but I wish you all the best.

You deserve better than this, especially after standing by him before. It is infidelity in a way; it's the fact that he feels that close to another woman which must be so hurtful. Either he stops completely or you should think about your future.
I like some of the ideas above, that you should contact her etc.

Your post brought back memories of a relationship I was once in... it was like I was being driven mad by his secrecy and ended up with me breaking into his emails! .. (he’d told me his password, do they want to be found out? Is there an element of sadism? ). I’ll never forget the sickness to my guts the humiliation of the betrayal.
You are deeply committed inasmuch your lives are as a couple. So? I’d plan my leaving.
I’ve also been pursued by old flames and as soon as I’ve found out they were married have dropped all contact or if I knew from the start they were refused to play games. I knew what it felt like to be betrayed and wouldn’t wish that on any woman. She is a scumbag. And he’s getting away with it. Time for foot to be firmly put down. Totally behind you. People can behave very badly and they do so because they can get away with it.