Doting grandparents ???

Crikey - we call our granddaughter The Queen of The Universe, its a fun family joke and everyone understands that.

Do I 'dote' on my grandchildren - probably . Is it an issue for anyone - no. If it was they'd tell me, we'd discuss it and that would be that. As it is my daughters and their husbands know I love the little ones to bits and it is their joy that I do . They believe , as I do that grandparents can have a special bond that rounds out the family dynamic.

I don't think you sound odd at all OP

Once every 3 weeks is actually quite reasonable IMHO. That's a little more than once a month.

I'm curious as to how you define "quality time".

You sound OK to me, really loving and helpful, though I have to say the feminist side of me does rather cringe at the idea of calling a modern child, "Little Miss Sunshine". If your AC doesn't like you doing that, it may be they feel similar to me about it. In which case - that's simple. Don't do it?

My mom calls my eldest little miss sunshine, I have no problem with it, it's quite true. She smiles and lights up the room. The youngest daughter can be very cheery too but equally stubborn and grumpy. They both love to go over to nanny's house. I have no problem with that. I don't get on brilliant with my mom and don't really talk to her about any issues or problems. For example, she had no idea number three is cooking. I also never ask her to look after my girls. They want to go and she's happy for them to visit.
She hasn't retired although could have done so a fair few years ago.

Your child is jealous! Nothing wrong with adoring or doting in them - it’s what GPS do and he should be grateful you feel that way. Are you sure this isn’t coming from his wife rather than him?

Be careful about putting so much into your grandchildren to the detriment of other friends and activities. It's not long before they are grown or almost grown up and their parents don't need you for babysitting/childcare. You then don't see as much of them and if you don't have anything else it can be lonely and you may feel unappreciated. Make sure you have lots of other interests, don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Never doted on anyone. Love my two kids ...love my two grandkids. I would do anything for any of them ...up to and including a kidney, if was necessary. But that’s not doting , that’s just being a loving mum and grand mum.

I agree with MOnica and chaffinch I love my grandchildren but they are by no means the centre of my world. I think some grandparents go way over the top about their grandchildren, I've lost count of the times I've been bored witless looking at photos and listening to the stories about other people's grandchildren.
I admire those grandparents who look after their grandchildren after family breakups or illness, that is an entirely different thing.

Nonnie

My dictionary is The Oxford English Reference Dictionary.

A second meaning given for dote is ‘be silly or feeble-minded, esp from old age’.

I felt the last one might give offence to GN’ers, so didn’t quote it.

You sound lovely - your AC doesn’t sound so nice!
My children see my mum at least weekly, usually more. The youngest sees her every day as she collects from school. There is loads of love and it’s totally normal.
When they were younger I don’t think my children saw any difference between me and my mum, she had all of them whilst I worked part time and they have a very tight bond.

chaffinch Tue 29-Oct-19 12:46:45 you have a different dictionary to me!

dictionary definition of dote;

‘be foolishly or excessively fond of’.

I love my own AC very much, I also love my five grandchildren, but have never adored or doted on any of them. Sounds over the top to me,

I can't see the problem with affection, OP, unless you are being totally over the top in your manner when you are with them. Also, giving sweets, treats or chocolate without the DPs' permission is a bit of a no no as is hyping the kids up or allowing things not normally allowed.

I bet you wouldn't be getting this level of criticism if you were offering unpaid childcare!

I talk to small children on buses and in queues and the parents always love it

I would disagree on this actually. Willing to bet a lot of parents don’t.

I think you are just a caring, loving GP, not "abnormal".

However, your AC may be picking up on the difference between how you parented and how you are as a GP.

I say this because DD1 has said on more than one occasion, I now understand why you were as you were as a parent and how you can be different as Ganny, more like Nanna was with her.

She says now she is the one juggling school runs, homework, clubs, music lesson, housework and job she gets it. She has said she parents more like I did and sees the difference of how I can be Granny because I am retired.

May be your AC hasn't made that connection. On the positive side at least you aren't been told you are disinterested or unloving to your DGC.

Keep on being the GP you want to be for as long as you can. :-)

Feeling a bit guilty here. Three busy grand-families and 7 GCs who I see 3-4 times a year, just like many g’netters, but in between it’s my own 3 DDs I miss most and whose news I most want to hear. Same when the GC’s were babies.

My AC are delighted that I dote, they love that their children are loved. I don't understand why that would be a problem. I talk to small children on buses and in queues and the parents always love it why wouldn't they?

Aguamarine
Its our choice and I have yet to meet a child who suffered abundance of affection. There are far too many young people who unfortunately experience very little and if there is need for complaint needs directing in that vicinity.I have no doubt any new arrival/s will have as much affection from you as their sibling/s.

im a hands on nanna and always have been, the other nanna never bothers with them, i never had a nanna so i dont know if thats anything to do with it as i never had a role model, we make great memories where ever we go, and always will, like whinnie the pooh said, "we never knew we were making memories we just knew we were having fun" thats me and my boys.

I don’t understand how this has come up with your AC? Is it because you want more time with your GC and they feel you have enough? Or is it because they think you are overpowering when you are there? Or something else? My GC are a few hours away and we often don’t see them for months at a time-it depends on what everyone is doing. Yes, I adore them-Idon’t equate that feeling with the amount of time I’m with them. Its just because they are my GC..the same as I love my AC -even if I don’t see them for a long time! I don’t think we can expect to be intimately involved in their lives and if that is really the crux of the problem, maybe you need to think again...perhaps have some more things in your own life. And when you do see them, enjoy!

Nonnie
I give GC undivided attention that's what I mean...
Only have one GC another on way, that will be different , I won't get to know them ..

I'm 54 , I day dote , I mean love dearly... I physically cared for my GC every week since the age of 7 weeks, i know I was supportive , helpful in house , cooking etc , looking after pets when AC was away. I tried to be helpful , I know how it is , I worked FT whilst my only child was small. My AC says calling my GC little miss sunshine is inappropriate , that's his words, children are such a tonic, innocent and fun, my GC and I liked to have lots of fun together.
We built a close bond, mainly because us grandparents have more time , patience and I'm creative , so we had making / baking days. I think some parents are stuck to their phones and don't interact much with their children. I have a close circle of friends, have hobbies and love to travel. I work part time.
I'm always wondering what other relationships are like, mine now with GC is different , sort of when allowed , I believe all relationships are two way... Give and receive...
My AC gets irritated , so talking just makes him angry ..
Thanks people , ?

I adore my DG and love their company. Just do things your way.

just do things your way. No, don’t. This advice is tone deaf to the problem. Your AC has actually used their words and told you there is a problem! Isn’t that what we all want to see them do on estrangement threads? Now you know the problem, you can ask more questions to try to temper how intense they feel you are being.

My mother could go quite overboard, lots of gifts every visit, all the sweets they wanted. I had to tell her to calm down about it all as the children would be very overwhelmed after a visit. Could it be something as simple as that?

No matter what though, please don’t just continue on.

I’m assuming you just have the one GC. We have six so far, ages 6 months to 7 years, from four children. We’re always busy/ in demand, to the point hubby and I have started to say we want some ‘ child free ‘ weekends!! We love them dearly, but they’re hard work at times, at a time we’re starting to feel older. We’re both 60. You never get it right as parents, and probably won’t as grandparents either! Just be yourself, relax when you see him/ her? Just enjoy. Like I say, more grandchildren and you may be wishing you’re back here again! All the best?

I adore my DG and love their company. Just do things your way.