Doting grandparents ???

How do people manage to resurrect these threads, it's from 2019? A bit late to give advice now.

DiamondLily

My GS’s are adult now. 5 of them. I love them dearly, but I can see their faults and can’t say I ever adored them or doted on them! 🙂

Same here DiamondLily I think it sounds quite unhealthy

My GS’s are adult now. 5 of them. I love them dearly, but I can see their faults and can’t say I ever adored them or doted on them! 🙂

What do you mean by “intense”? I think we need more context or examples of what “intense” looks like to your adult child. But if your adult child used the term “intense” they may be feeling overwhelmed.

I don't like the word 'doting' - it's related to 'dotage', isn't it? I don't think I have ever 'doted on my grandchildren as they have all developed as people and I have a relationship with each one of them, especially as we can converse together as adults. I like to see them and treat them as friends. I suppose the nearest I have ever come to doting is now - on my beautiful, unique and affectionate DGD.

Georgesgran

START A NEW THREAD!
this is from 2019.

Oooops!! Why oh why do these threads keep popping up from years ago!!!

We both love our only grandchild dearly, however due to “adoring & doting” parents he, at 9, is turning into rather a spoilt and entitled child, not entirely his fault. I’m quite firm with him and he’s normally nicely behaved with us! The way he speaks to his parents often shocks us and up until around 8 he was the sweetest boy! He’s a bright child but all too often given his own way, partially we believe, because he has two high flying parents, who do lots for him and with him but who have stressful extremely well paid jobs.

I'm wondering if other Grandparents feel closer to their daughter's children than they are to their son's children?

No. Absolutely not.

I treated my kids equally. As I do all the grandkids.
Fortunately, I dont have problems with sils or dils.

START A NEW THREAD!
this is from 2019.

My Mil would occasionally say e.g. a baby was a ‘doaty’ thing, i.e. something/someone to dote on. She had picked it up IIRC from an elderly relative she’d visited in Ireland as a child.
How common it is/was I have no idea.

There's always a question of balance :
My mother doted on one of my daughters to the exclusion of my other daughter -which has caused bad feelings - even now all these years later .
When she hit puberty and we had some issues - she'd go to her grandmother if upset with me . My mother would side with her .
Years later , my mother grew to realise her mistake and was horrified by her rudeness and aggression towards me .
If my Grandma hadn't exhibited love towards me I would have grown up without any love whatsoever .
I certainly understand how you feel towards your grandchild and can't hide your enthusiasm . Ask your son what he means and try to adhere to his ideas .

This thread is five years of why not start your own new thread heychbee

You are adding to a 5 year old thread HaychBee. It’s better if you start up a new one.

I just read about this on another forum and thought I'd add my 2c worth...
DIL is mother to 17yo & 14yo. At Christmas she announced that "her" children were not to be touched unless they requested or initiated the contact! So there were no hugs 😪
My other DIL's daughters 18yo & 15yo give cuddles, but they are not long or heartfelt. It's their choice, not mine.
My youngest is my only maternal GD. She is almost 8yo. I have full hands on permissions with her, including drying off after a shower and help with dressing. We often give and get hugs and I cherish this relationship. I am more involved with school runs and after school sports.
My 4 GCs whom I'm the paternal Grandma, are all distant.
I'm wondering if other Grandparents feel closer to their daughter's children than they are to their son's children?
I don't fight it. I do as I'm told! Every generation reinvents the rules. We're in an age of essential consent now...

Aldom

Grams2five perhaps you have not noticed, but this thread is almost four years old.

Oh gosh I hadn’t I check
Active discussions and there it was!

Grams2five perhaps you have not noticed, but this thread is almost four years old.

Op you keep coming back to you think your ac and their spouse are jealous of your bond with their child. Say that again very slowly and see if this may be the root or this problem. You’re more patient now etc they’re jealous of you and little miss sunshine’s bond. Surely they have a stronger bond no matter how much they work etc after all
She is their child ? Something tells me part of thei anoynqnde with you may stem from this thought you seem to have that your bond and energy and closeness to THEIR. Child is worth being jealous of. As if it’s stronger than their own.

Start a new thread!

Hi
My grandchild has been living with me for 5 weeks now, my husband and myself are working and we are still finding it difficult financially and I was wondering if there was any sort of help we could get from the government ?

I’d say I’m definitely not a ‘doter’. I think I deal with my grandchildren the same way my mother ( and I also) did with my children. I get on well with them, and they all seem to enjoy my company, but I’ll still have a word if their behaviour isn’t good, and I’d like to think I recognise their different personalities.
The Bodach had a violent and abusive relationship with his mother, and I think she tried in her own way to compensate by being very ‘ dotey and adoring’ to our children, which did make us cringe at times. It didn’t take them long before her gushing baby talk made them uncomfortable.

I agree that decluttering isn’t abuse

But it is odd to remove all photos before severing a relationship.

There is more to this story, whether aqua knows what it is or not, is something else.

I really feel for you. I am a doting grandmother, and I also fear that isn't popular with my AC. As you and others have said, such a shame because that grandparent/grandchild bond can be a really special one. Grandparents can add to a childs life in a way parents can't.

I have VERY fond memories of my grandparents, my granny in particular, even though she has been dead for over 40 years. She and my grandad gave me totally unconditional love and it supported me through a difficult childhood.

Our relationships with our grandchildren are SO fleeting. Once they are teenagers, we will become mostly irrelevant to them (understandably, I teach teenagers and I see why) so the early years are SO important.

I'm on a sticky wicket with MY GC too and as such, am NO expert in giving advice. All I would say is do whatever your AC wants/will tolerate to have anything relationship at all with your GS.

Why not start your own thread sawsage as yours is a totally different problem

Has anyone on here had a lot of stress with a teenage grandaughter stealing, thrown out of school, in care. Police involved. I know she is troubled but won't listen to anyone. It seems she will have to hit rock bottom before she changes. You may think 'she needs love' and she gets it but the bad behaviour continues.

It is not abuse to declutter!

I believe you’re last post had a seriously overinflated opinion of yourself. The way you speak of her parents can not possible be contained when in person.