Break up - from "best friend"

knspol - I WAS furious with him, but I need to move on from being angry with him.
Jane10 you are completely right - DH WAS daft but ex friend made the issue hers when it was really not at all,
Yes, I need to move on - but how? It's with me all the time!

A counseling session might help. Sometimes the rejection and bad feelings link back to the past. TBH your friends sounds like a bully and a control freak so perhaps you can regard it as a lucky escape.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Of course your DH was daft but thats between him and her brother.
Its been two years. Move on and forget her. He friendship just isn't worth the hassle.

Seems to me a lot of people have behaved badly. I can understand you sticking up for your husband and your friend sticking up for her brother. Difficult to understand your husband refusing to shake hands 2 yrs later though and while he's still festering over old wounds and unwilling to move on it's difficult to see your old friendship ever being renewed. Personally I would be furious with my husband for turning away from the hand of friendship.

She sounds rather unstable. Better leave well alone, I think.

She was definitely hard work, my ex. I was never ever relaxed in her company, always had to be careful what I said and did and was constantly being "reprimanded".
In fact one of things I get asked all the time is why I put up with it for so long....

I think some counselling would really help you come to terms with all this. Sometimes having someone not involved at all can be incredibly useful.

Sara65, wow, so sorry to hear, that, sounds very similar to my situation except that I did try massively to fix it, in fact I think now that I tried TOO hard, should maybe have let things sort themselves out rather than try so hard.
Anyway it is over and I need to learn to live with it - easier said than done.
Thanks for sharing your story!

I had a falling out with a very dear and close friend, our families were close, and we all spent a lot of time together.

Something happened, it was definitely a massive over reaction on her part, well more of an invention really, and after a few weeks of trying to get her to accept it, I just said, well that’s it then, over.

I really regret not trying harder, it 20 years plus ago, but I miss her all the time, sadly, I don’t think you can go back.

Why did he refuse to shake hands? A gut reaction. I was pretty pissed but can also understand him saying they if they wiped him out for 2 years, he's not willing to just accept the gesture now. I wish he had, for sure.
No, I don't want to, nor do I think we can ever go back.
My struggle is around how to accept that and move on. I don't know why I am finding that SO very hard.
It's deep stuff. Makes me feel awful.

Well it seems your husband has behaved pretty badly, and I agree I can’t see how you can ever go back to how things were.

If you can’t all get together and sort it out like grownups, I think it’s over, maybe for the best, your friend sounds like hard work!

Dear me, life's too short for all this. If your H refused the hand of friendship after 2 years had passed I can't now see this friendship going anywhere. Why did he do that ??

Do you still want to be friends with her?
That’s the main question to answer.
If so, I suppose there’s nothing to stop you both being friends without the involvement of husbands and wider family.
But reading between the lines, I feel that you want things to go back to how they were before and I’m afraid to say that I can’t see how that’s ever going to happen.
So, if she means that much to you, be friends with just her or if not, I know it’s sad but you’ll have to let it go.

Just to add that H did write an apology for the earlier e-mails but it was not accepted