Divorce at 66?

I can guarantee in a question like this that someone will come along and claim that the person being discussed sounds ill.
Depression of course is so often trotted out as an excuse for all manner of bad behaviour.

I am really struggling to understand why you have put up with this lazy scrounging individual for 33 years.

I know you said you don’t relish being alone but honestly why would you want to remain with someone who clearly has no respect for you?

Starblaze, friends don't always see the problem. They can be very judgemental towards the person who leaves or ends the relationship.

It's very unfair, as the one who ends things makes a decision, bravely organises and does the right thing for both people. It takes no effort at all to be rejected or deserted, though!

Those aren't real friends.

I was criticised, too, for finding a new partner and being ridiculously happy, madly in love and very content a few months later. Apparently, it was 'too soon' Actually, I wasn't looking, I'd known him for years and he'd always (secretly) liked me - how was that my fault when I had no idea?

Very true, Starblaze, real friends are always there for you.

It's great to live by yourself, I love it. You can eat what you like, watch what you like on the tv, invite over who you like, decorate how you like, go to bed when you like, have the heating on when you like, do whatever you want. I have never regretted getting divorced other than it makes life a bit difficult for all family occasions like weddings ,christening but they are rare events.

If I was extremely lonely, I would get a dog which would help me get out more and talk to people but I'm happy with the social life I have, and coming home to my cat. I've been on loads of single holidays too and had a great time. It's never too late to find happiness,

I'm widowed and now live on my own (apart from the lodger) with my dog and cat. Yes, Quizqueen, it has very many benefits. There's no need to consider others unless I have guests. I feel like it's a happy second childhood for me most of the time!

Living by oneself has very many advantages. Yes, like any way of life, also a few disadvantages. However, when I see relatives and friends, still living with their partners mostly out of habit, but not really sharing their lives with each other, I think I am in a far better situation.
Interesting how other people view break-ups. My (no ex) husband was quite severely disabled - so everyone automatically assumes it was I who broke up our marriage. In fact, he secretly got himself onto a housing association committee and when they were arranging some new flats got one allocated and adapted to suit his needs - and only told me and the adult children he was leaving four weeks before doing so.
At the time I pleaded with him not to go (so scared of being by myself, etc). He went -(thank goodness) but even he managed to convince himself in later years that I had broken up the marriage. He played games with my head and had to be reminded by one of my AC that it was HE who had left me.

I have been on my own since the age of 49 - as Franbern says, there are advantages to living alone and in my case, as opposed to being married to someone who doesn't love you.
Good luck !!

I havebeen married for 40 years. My OH accused me of having had an affair 2 years ago, completely untrue, despite my denial and telling him I loved him, he insisted we separate, put the house on the market etc, etc. I was in pieces for about a year, really struggled to come to terms with it. Went to Dr's for help with anxiety attacks. HOWEVER, now in a much better place. We are still in the house, living apart, but under the same roof, haven't yet sold. My friends and family have been an enormous support. Looking back I now see that like the OP, my life was a sad empty shell. I worked hard to put a happy spin on things, but now accept that my OH was a cold withdrawn person. Yes, we had sex, but with little other emotional connection. I am divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour, but......I am the happiest I have ever been, my social life is vibrant, I don't mind going to the cinema etc on my own and have been on holidays with my wonderful daughters and friends. Don't be scared, get out as soon as possible. Life outside is good, I'm lucky that my daughters have been completely supportive, as have my friends and other family. You have nothing to lose, and a whole life to gain. I wish you all the luck in the world.xx

I have private message you jennifer

Mutual friends always take sides - I got divorced at 53 and virtually every friend we had, took his side. So I made some new friends . Honestly, life is too short to worry about what other people think. Get thee to a solicitor and start the process of divorce . Good luck .

Yes I agree with Stella1949 Good luck.

Depression of course is so often trotted out as an excuse for all manner of bad behaviour

It is also a very real thing for millions of people, through no fault of their own

I’ve private messaged you

Your post makes me really sad, what I’m struggling to understand is, how you have put up with this for all these years, without being disrespectful it doesn’t seem like a partnership to me, you are worth so much more, you are doing everything yourself, so I really don’t see much difference being on your own, have you ever sat down and discussed why he wants to be so isolated, you should go don’t look back you have nothing to lose and everything to gain,

Well done for finding the strength to tell him you are divorcing him! It sounds like he was happy to be the child in the relationship and let you be his mum. I am sure you will be happier. If your mutual friends side with him then they weren’t real friends, although they may be in touch again once the realise your husband is ignoring them. Good luck!

Go, go GO FOR IT. I did after 30 years of marriage and I really should have done it years before. You know what? I was afraid of the unknown but the unknown has been far far better . I was able to b3 my own person and got my mojo back big time. Life was good, very good after I took the plunge. It’s never too late. If friends take his side then who cares? Leave it all behind and real friends will stick with you anyway. Ones that don’t aren’t worth the effort. You will also make new ones as you forge a new life for yourself. You’ll be glad you did. It sounds like you are living a life akin to being in prison. Good luck and a big hug.

After reading your sad post OP I can only say divorce is better at 66 than 67 or after
Good luck

Hi

5 YEAR OLD THREAD.

Please don’t post here the OP will not read it (as Calendergirl says) so don’t waste your time.

Can you possibly manage to strike out on your own? It's tough, especially at your stage of life, but it could probably be done. (I did it at age 36 after almost 20 years with him more or less living his life like a single man.)
You'll need two basic things: (A) a job or some other form of income and (B) somewhere to live.
You almost certainly won't have the same standard of living, to begin with at least, but you'll have your freedom. All the work you put into your life will be yours alone; you won't be taking up his slack.
There isn't a quick and easy fix, unless you don't mind latching onto another man who's rich and generous!
Good luck with your life. I hope you find a solution which will work for you.

Oops, didn't see tanith's post in time to save myself the effort!

Tweedle24

I knew a woman who divorced in her seventies from a really unpleasant, abusive man. She suddenly found her courage, left him to move into a small housing association flat, which left her with capital from her share of the house sale, and settled into a lovely, uncluttered and free life. She was like a new woman.

Mebster Go for it!

I feel such a mixture s out that. So glad she's having a good life and sad she waited so long. I'll have to concentrate on the good bit.