Divorce at 66?

I was criticised, too, for finding a new partner and being ridiculously happy, madly in love and very content a few months later. Apparently, it was 'too soon' Actually, I wasn't looking, I'd known him for years and he'd always (secretly) liked me - how was that my fault when I had no idea?

Those aren't real friends.

Starblaze, friends don't always see the problem. They can be very judgemental towards the person who leaves or ends the relationship.

It's very unfair, as the one who ends things makes a decision, bravely organises and does the right thing for both people. It takes no effort at all to be rejected or deserted, though!

I can guarantee in a question like this that someone will come along and claim that the person being discussed sounds ill.
Depression of course is so often trotted out as an excuse for all manner of bad behaviour.

I am really struggling to understand why you have put up with this lazy scrounging individual for 33 years.

I know you said you don’t relish being alone but honestly why would you want to remain with someone who clearly has no respect for you?

Mebster why would friends take his side? Go! Find all the happiness. Make new friends.

Let us all know how you get on too!

Yes Hetty58 my sentiments exactly. Go for it Mebster.

Well it's up to them but you may well find people will be more understanding than you think. There will be a lot of changes but hopefully when the dust settles you will both be much happier.

He sounds desperately unhappy, possibly ill.

People stay with abusive and neglectful partners out of habit, duty, tradition and loyalty. They get so worn down, depressed and exhausted by it that they begin to believe that they deserve nothing better. They settle for a sad existence - rather than a life. It's very sad.

Make a change and your life can have true meaning, love and joy. You'll have peace of mind and you'll open that door to new opportunities, hope and love!

Mebster
Today is our 32nd anniversary. I have asked him for a divorce. I'm afraid our mutual friends will take his side but I can't live like this any longer.

For what it's worth, I think you are doing the right thing.
Living like that is only half a life, and one that must have been eating away at you for years, preventing you from ever feeling truly happy.

Be brave - you are stronger than you probably think, and can look forward to a better life when you come out of the other side of this.

Good luck

I guess one of the questions you have to ask yourself is 'why have you stayed?' Be brutally honest with yourself. Only you can answer that question. The answer will inform you about whatever you do next. It's not easy making life changing decisions at our age. There are pros and cons, costs and benefits, both financial and personal whatever you decide. Perhaps seek counselling and talk with trusted friends. Good luck whatever pathway you choose. ?

Have you actually sat down and talked to him?

My friend is very depressed as she feels that she's lived most of her life for other people (her kids) rather than herself.

Change is indeed scary but also very liberating. On your own, you can truly be your own real self. It's amazing how much we adjust and compromise to suit a partner.

Why make all that effort and sacrifice when he brings so little to the relationship. No affection, sex or company, only perhaps a little financial security, it's just not worth it!

When I divorced my first husband, I lost my best friend. Often, the sympathy goes to the left person (not the brave leaver). It was her loss, not mine!

Mebster, you may live for another 30 odd years - so go for it girl! I'm glad that you've made a decision. He sounds more like a lodger than a husband anyway. You could get a paying lodger and receive some rent (tax free, under the rent-a-room scheme). I bet they'd be better company too!

Today is our 32nd anniversary. I have asked him for a divorce. I'm afraid our mutual friends will take his side but I can't live like this any longer.

Ok so you are really house sharing at the moment however you run the home also.
If this isn't a problem then carry on.
Hubby will not change I guess you have talked this over many times over the years.
Could you carry on house sharing? but do your own cooking etc and leave him to do what he wants.
I know someone who is divorced and they house share and it works for them, they both have their own lives but would it work for you.
If you don't want that situation then it's selling the property and splitting the income made half your saving and pensions need to be considered.
You could buy him out or vice versa.
You need advice on divorce you need to know financially how you stand on your own,
Would you have enough money to purchase a property?
Could you rent from the council or housing association?
Would you have enough money to run a home on your own?
These are questions you need to ask yourself.
People do divorce later in life no body can tell you what to do it is a huge decision and needs much thought.

I knew a woman who divorced in her seventies from a really unpleasant, abusive man. She suddenly found her courage, left him to move into a small housing association flat, which left her with capital from her share of the house sale, and settled into a lovely, uncluttered and free life. She was like a new woman.

Mebster Go for it!

I think I would find it lonely and depressing to be married to and live with someone who has completely no interest in me, who has a life quite separate from my own and who does virtually nothing in the home. Even more lonely than actually being on my own. I would also feel permanently stressed and annoyed.

Maybe you should get some legal advice and start to make arrangements to live your life apart from this man. Even if it means some sacrifices have to be made with regard to finances and housing, if it's at all doable to strike out on your own, I think you may well feel much happier.

I hope you are able to make some positive changes and start to properly enjoy your life. Good luck.

Sounds like you're just his housekeeper or doormat even? I'd kick him into touch but not before you've got your ducks in a row and quietly, without fanfare, methodically got all your paperwork together which will help a solicitor advise you. How will it be if this man gets old and sick and dependent on you in later life? Will you lie on your death bed and have regrets that you've had no life other than devoting yourself to what amounts to his bachelor life with housekeeper benefits? Feel the fear and do it anyway. One door closes and another opens. Have courage and you go girl! You deserve more and believe me ... I know!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You need your life back and you will have peace of mind if nothing else.

Agree with FlexableFriend 100%.
At least if you leave/divorce him you will have more money by not buying him any food etc.
Get out of this none-existing relationship and start a new happy life and let misery arse stay silent alone.

Tbh you're already living on your own so no idea what it is you're afraid of. If he does as little as you say you're already prepared for life on your own. If divorce is what you want then investigate it properly and take steps to make it a reality.

^ half hour free ^ apologies.