How to say you don't want to renew friendship?

Can a garden path really be considered so private that all who tread on it need a permit?

Jehovah witnesses are only doing what they believe in please respect them for that.

Well done mosaicwarts and good luck with your new house and life.

Hello all, thank you all so much for your support.

I won't go into detail, but I screwed up my courage and messaged him tonight and said I can't be friends, and he's replied saying he understands.

I look forward to selling my house and starting a new life, I will be also be very careful of whom I befriend.

If it were me I’d think of a hundred or so reasons why I’d just not have time and then eventually they’d get sick of asking. Good luck x

I would just say 'I'm sorry 'X' but when we were friends previously you abused that friendship and I'm not prepared to lay myself open to you doing so again, so being friends is not something that I want'. You can do this by whatever method is open to you, I think I read that he asked to be your friend on FB, if that's the case you could, if I remember correctly, just send him a message to that effect and then block him. Alternatively if he contacts you by email, or text, just give the same response. Admittedly it will be slightly more difficult if he calls you, or you see him face to face, but there is nothing rude or nasty in what I've suggested, so pull those big girl pants on, tell him how it is, and then simply hang up the phone, or turn around and walk away! Simples!!

Alternatively, you could just follow LondonGirl's example!!

mosiacwarts please refuse to be his friend on presumably FB immediately because if you security isnt very tight he can see what you write until you reject him. Even better block him or he could try to be friends with your friends which would not be good. Be brave and tell him no and then you will be able to relax.

Last year a gorgeous lady and her beautiful daughter came up my drive with a copy of Watchtower. It was not a good day, I told them I found it offensive, intrusive and ride to have the audacity to think they could come on to my property uninvited to discuss religion, and I was an atheist.

Too late I realised they loved across the fields and her husband sometimes worked with mine. Some months later I met her as I came out of theatre after an operation. She couldn't have been more concerned and sympathetic. What can I say.

Jehovah's witnesses and Mormons also run a mile if you tell them that you are a practising Catholic, but that won't work with OP's acquaintance.

Now is not the time to be a nice Nelly. You don't like this person, having found him/her to be insincere and a user in the past. The very fact that this person is trying to renew the friendship now that you widowed sets alarm bells ringing in my head.

Be blunt, ask this annoying person to stop contacting you, as you have no interest in renewing the friendship. If an explanation is asked for, say straight out that you found him insincere and on the make in the past, so you neither can nor will renew the acquaintanceship.

LondonGranny, I have found my people ??. Sounds like something I would say.
mosaicwarts, I hope you find the courage needed to be as direct as you possibly can with this intruder in your life. They clearly aren't wanted by you and I think you will have to be blunt to get your message across. I'm sure we will all virtually hand hold whilst you tell him!! ? good luck

Tried that with JW’s, even quoted bible, years later and they still keep coming trying to convert me lol

You have to let go of the idea that you have to be "nice" because that will just give them mixed messages about your attitude to them (and encourage them). You dont have to be nasty - just firm and, as others have said just keep avoiding him. I had a very similar situation and kept avoiding her; not returning calls; not returning emails; avoiding making arrangements; not answering the door, etc. It took nearly a year (!) but eventually she got the message and haven't heard from her since. Sadly, she was another User.

Thank you very much for all of your thoughtful replies, I'm steeling myself to message him to say I don't want to reconnect.

I am a nervous person and do lack confidence since my husband died, but know I have to be brave - he's now messaged my daughter again. Argh! He has also friend requested me, which I have ignored. I've had enough of 'friends' today, what a week!

Thank you again for taking the time to help me.

Saying "not a good time" is indicating that there may be a time that IS a good time. Just need to be firm! When he asks about meeting up just say "No, thank you, don't want to". No need to swear or bring up the past just make it clear you have no intention now or in future of meeting up with him. If he STILL doesn't take the hint ...then you can get firmer..."Look I do NOT want to meet you o.k...get it?" Then hang up!

Just say that little word “ no “, don’t want to. No need for bad language. Don’t exhaust yourself with excuses and trying to remember what you said before, just “NO “

I almost spat my coffee out as well Pearl ??
Good for you LondonGranny!!!

Keep saying no and hopefully he will get the message. Definitely a case of holding this person at arms length. It is no good having people who drain you in your life, you are worth much more than that.

LondonGranny, ha ha ha, that really made me laugh. Well done you!

Just let him know you have a very busy life and wont be renewing contact as youve moved on. Do not let fhe fox in the henhouse again.

Oooh after reading all the replies I wonder if all the non Responses and ‘not a good time’ that I ‘receive’ from people whom I have held in my heart but not in my hand after 30 years absence from their society means that I am a thick skinned unwanted re -emergence from the past!! Yikes ! And I keep worrying if they’re alright and whether I should just turn up and check at their door......ooops! .. no one deliberately sets out to be a nuisance ..... a quick message like ‘wow! A blast from the past .... let’s leave it there .... I’m fine and wish you all the best for your future ... but count me out... my life is jam packed with goodies and I wouldn’t do you justice!!! “

Be upfront with him or you'll be forever on edge when the door knocks or the phone rings wondering if it's him.
I can't think just at this moment what to say to him but LondonGranny might have a few more choice words she can advise on. lol

Agree with all the 'Never Answer' advice. Never sugar the pill 'Sorry but... ' suggests that sometime you would love to. Some people will just think you are playing a bit 'hard to get', and will continue to try for attention. The message you have to get across is 'I and my time are not, and will not, be available to you.'

Go LondonGranny....a woman cut from the same mould as me.

I let go of a long term friend 5 years ago, she was a very selfish friend and basically drained me. Last year she tried to reestablish contact but I just ignored her texts. If she had phoned me I would’ve just been honest and say our friendship had run it’s course and I didn’t want to meet up again. No need to be rude, just assertive.

Like many people I have tolerated my fair share of hangers on, users etc. down the years, and always tried to be patient and accommodating on the basis that we all have strange little foibles, and I will try to ignore these traits in others as they are tolerating me and mine. However, I did finish a long friendship some years ago with someone who had changed over the years (I was not alone in thinking that) and gone from being a friend to attempting to wreck two important events for me - my DD had never liked this person and said it was jealousy. When later she sent someone to ask if we could meet up, I politely delined and said I wished her well but was no longer prepared to take what she handed out, and that the friendship has been one sided for a long time. I would have said that to her face if she had approached me. I didn't enjoy ending the relationship, and initially missed the laughs we had had, but realised that the good times were long ago , and that life was infinitely more peaceful and without strain without her. Good luck - these events are far from pleasant, but are a means to an end.