Indecision

Lots of good advice on here. I think to begin with you should go for a month and stay with your friend or nearby. See how that goes and make a decision after that?

Message to all. Do not be complacent about the threat to movement of beloved pets implied by Brexit! Once GB has exited the EU the freedom to shuttle backwards and forwards with pets has not been published. We do not know what is in the so called agreement. Should the EU demand it, you will not be able to get on the ferry with a pet without it being quarantined for 3 months! Even with a valid pet passport. This would be very very costly, let alone miserable for you and your pet. I live in France and only yesterday my vet spelled this out to me. She advised that I should leave my dog in France when UK visiting, rather than take the risk of not being able to bring him back. You have been warned!

You are unhappy or at least discontent in your marriage and homesick for France, so to me the problem really solves itself.

I assume your husband knows you would like to spend time in France. If not tell him so.

After 40 years you still feel French, which is fine by me, so now is the time to find somewhere to live in France.

If the dog is yours, not a pet you and your husband share, get a pet passport before the UK leaves the EU and take the dog with you.

OP life is all too short and you cannot live what you have left for others you must live for yourself. Children grow up and move away from their parents, why can't parents move away from grown up children. Find out if you can take your dog (&bring back if necessary) & go spend a couple months+ in France. If you enjoy being away from your OH then stay there and come back to visit ac and gs. I'm finally getting out of my miserable life with a selfish boring oh and intend to do exactly what I want. All my ac are concerned about is their "inheritance" well I may well spend it all (probably will)

Thank you to all of you for all your supportive and encouraging messages ! There is so much to read and think about that it is going to take me a while .
Thanks also to the 2 people who have pm ‘d me , it’s all very appreciated.
I have already realised that , in fact , when I talk about spending more time in France , I would prefer to be on my own rather than with my husband.
My ideal solution would be a split of my time between France and England and the time in France in my own and indeed some of you suggest that .
But I don’t quite know how well it would go down
But as I said , I need to reread all your messages and take stock and courage and hopefully reach a decision
Thanks again

It sounds as if the person to talk to about your dilemma would be your best friend. She has already tried going back to France and also presumably knows you very well. Could you visit her? You dont need to mention your marital situation if you think it inappropriate, or maybe she might be someone you could discuss that with as well? It would also mean you could spend a week or two in France and look at the practicalities. You dont necessarily have to stay with your friend if that is not possible. Getting away from home and your marriage even for a brief while might give you a better perspective on the whole thing.

Can you support youself financially if ylu go to live in France?

If so go to France! Get a nice place near your friend with a garden for your lovely dog. You know you want to. All the more reason to go to France if UK is disadvantaged by Brexit. How I envy you!.

A trial few trips sounds a good idea, things will be different to when you lived there before, I've thought of moving back to where I'm from but once mum goes so many friends have died or moved away that I'd have the friends that I have now when I visit regularly, and to see my children I'd have to come back here. Or they'd have to come up and as they work visits would be shirt and infrequent. I think I'll probably need to visit Much as I do now, camp perhaps in summer and find a BnB in wintertime. And when I can't camo a y more just BnB it. My children don't want me too far away when I get old, they saw their father having to go and visit their other grandparents so often when things got difficult and how long it all took out if hís life, they want to be able to easily visit, son is further than daughter who lives locally. I have friends here and am near londin and lók forward to visiting museums and galleries when I retire plus lots of other places I've not been able to visit

Sorry....am laughing to myself and wish could edit when I said France isn't so far away "nowadays" Of course France has always been where it is!!! I think I meant getting there and back was much easier and affordable nowadays lol. Don't think Brexit will alter that and being a French Citizen you wouldn't have problems living in either country.

I think the main point is you say you have not been happy in your marriage for a long time? Kathy1959 is thinking on the lines I am.

IF you were happy in your marriage I would say think carefully because returning to places doesn't always match up to memories. After 40 years, things change etc etc.

Like Kathy I would ask you to consider IF you just want to run away from your marriage? You don't need to answer, just think about it yourself.

Lots of conflicting statements in your post saying you have been unhappy in your marriage then feeling you want your husband to move to France? Why? Do you feel he would be different there? He won't!

Having said that, IF you want to return to France be it full time or part time I would just do it! As you say your AC are selfish and I think if they decided to move away they wouldn't consider you. France isn't so far away nowadays.
The dog? Well yes, I can understand you not wanting to leave him and if you are to-ing and fro-ing it might not be fair to drag him back and forth?

Just think about yourself though....what do you really want?

I would be a bit concerned you’re wanting to escape to France, because you’re unhappy here. You may be unhappy in France too. I would suggest you talk to your family first. Children, even adult ones, don’t understand, and why should they, they haven’t got there yet! Why are you unhappy in your marriage? Is it the France thing? Sorry if I’ve missed something. You really need to talk before you uproot your whole life.

We made the decision to move to Spain. I only found out many years later that my younger daughter felt we had abandoned her. When we left she was in her thirties and had already moved to London, 100 miles away.

We saw our family regularly and they came to stay a couple of times a year. Now we are back in the UK and, though we see the children more often, I don't think the visits have the same quality. They are always busy or tired whereas, when we were in Spain, we had plenty of time to talk and catch up.

I think you should now do what you can to spend time in France. Presumably you are French and therefore an EU citizen and won't be affected by Brexit in the same way as the rest of us.

Good luck.

Your words, Life is short, said it all. Just follow your heart.

I do sympathise with your predicament. My ex husband and I retired to Devon from the Midlands in 2011. Initially, our two children regularly visited with the grandchildren, enjoying all that is on offer in Torbay.
Now I’ve divorced their father, we still see those two regularly but the eldest has been in Australia for 13 years so our times with her are infrequent.
My second husband is English but has retired to France where I visit three or four times a year, taking my car over from Portsmouth. He comes to stay in Torquay so we enjoy time together and apart in each country which suits us well.
Do try something that makes you happy before it’s too late.

Go with your heart - we’re a long time dead- could you rent a little place for a month or so x2 or 3 times/year. Can dog get a passport and go with you? If you rented and found you duo enjoy it as much as you expect you haven’t lost anything- good luck

Half and half is a big jump. Sounds simple but its not. I would book a holiday, go for 3 weeks, ask hubby to go with you but if he doesnt want to thats ok. Knowing why he doesnt want to go would be helpful.
Ive travelled without my husband for years, hes a homebird, loves his/our routine and doesn't want to travel anymore. So l do my thing and it works. Hope you can work this out.

Brexit will make it more difficult to take your dog backwards and forwards between England and France.

Check first that owning a place in France won't affect your right to stay there when you want to after Brexit: there may be limitations on this if/when we leave the EU.

You only have one life and in this day and age you can live it the way you want. Go back to France and take the dog with you.
I used to live in NZ and after 3 years realised I wanted to be home so packed up with my dog and came home, luckily my husband was happy to come with me and agrees it was the best thing that he ever did.
The worst thing for us was affording to bring our dog, it was very expensive but for France you just get a pet passport and then you can drive it and use the ferry....cheap as chips and well worth it.

I knew of a couple who split their time between 2 homes. She liked to live in England, he in Spain. Sometimes she went to stay with him for a few weeks, sometimes he came to stay with her for a short time. The rest of the time they spent separately in their preferred homes. It worked for them.

Our neighbour lives mainly in France but inherited a house here. She spends the summer here and sometimes comes at other times. Expensive, but it suits her.

It's really a case of trying it out and seeing what suits you best.

My dear, why don't you visit your friend for a while? Even if you stay in a hotel close by her for a week or two. That way you will have company. It will clear your head and strengthen your resolve. A couple of weeks without you would remind your husband how much he relies on you and needs to compromise to keep the marriage alive. Be strong. A small step like this could have far reaching consequenses. Please consider if any of your children or relatives will support you in this solo holiday, simply because they care for you and want you to be happy. ?.

As specki4eyes says get a pet passport and go. France isn’t that far away if it was me I would have been to and fro ing all the time.

If you don’t try you will never know and you can see your friend too x

My sister has 2 months in Spain, then 2 back here ... would something like that work for you ?

Get your dog a passport and GO before Brexit. .if not you will have to put him/her in quarantine for 3 months. What are you to your husband? An appliance? Clearly he cares nothing for your happiness. Your kids will visit..it's your life ..bon courage!

I guess it feels a scary decision given that it’s not one that is being supported by your husband. If you don’t try it you’ll never know how it might work out and might regret not doing so. No decision is ever final and you can always have a ‘Plan B’ to return to the UK if living in France isn’t as you’d hoped ... Take the dog with you for company though!