Indecision

I have not been in a situation like yours, but I think you should follow your heart. Could you afford a small place in France near your friend so you could split your time between there and here? If you went on your own would your husband visit you and spend at least some of your France time with you? He may decide he misses you too much to not be with you. Your children could also come for extended stays. A friend of mine has children here and in South Africa. She has two homes and splits her time six months here and six months there. She goes to SA when it is winter over here, so she actually lives in permanent summer time. At least try it. Otherwise you will always wonder how it would have been and may grow to resent your husband. Good luck.

The dog has swung it for me , kiki.

Stay put

I’ve made a conscious decision to stay where I am. Does that count?
My eldest daughter went to live in Australia. My youngest lives about a mile away and is much more needy so we’ve stayed here. We did look after our grandchild a lot when he was smaller. They are a happy family now but son in law left my DD when she was 7 months pregnant.
We can’t regret staying here and love grandchild to bits but there is a part of us that would still like to go to Aus.
Like you we were torn but we did what we had to do. There are two of us that felt the same wayand that does make it so much easier.
I’m afraid that you face a hard decision. Do you love your husband? Do you want to continue your marriage? Your husband seems to have made his wishes known and they don’t match yours. Whether that’s fair or not doesn’t really matter. It is as it is. Living in two countries wouldn’t appeal to me but I’m not you.

I think it would be a real shame to live the rest of your life wondering what if. You need to do something, even for a short time. You may decide it isn't what you want after all but you need to find out. I would have to ask my daughter how she feels about it.
I also think that you and your husband need to have a good talk.

I would certainly go and spend part of the year luxuriating in the feeling of freedom.

To do as you please, when you please is such a gift.

We moved away from families to live in France and have not regretted it. My grandchildren were older though.
Don't understand why the dog can't go with you. I think you should have a talk with your husband and look at going to France for a couple of months at first and see how it works. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Perhaps you'd miss UK if you went back to France. The grass can be greener on the other side!

Would it be possible for you to take more holidays in France? It might be cheaper too. Would your husband be prepared to go on holiday to France with you?

That way you could see your friends/relations but still be near your daughter and recently born grandson.

Surely half and half would be a great result at least you d only be unhappy half a year Can’t the dog go with you?
I m not the right person to help really because I m the queen of indecision when it comes to big things like this so I usually stay in the situation I m wanting to get out of
Good luck either way

Why not have a long stay in France a couple of times a year? Friends take their dog and cat in their motorhome. Can be done. Or at least a normal holiday, if not extended. Apart from that do things that you enjoy, make a list and start to put yourself first, at least now and again.

I’m not sure if you’ve spoken to your husband about this recently. Would it mean a true separation from him or rather spending less time together? It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If you could have a second home in France then it’s not so far away that you couldn’t travel between the two. Your post says a lot about why you can’t go, perhaps it’s time to think more about how you could and what going back would give you, how it would help you to feel less unhappy. If you want to try then surely it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Spending some time in France sounds both possible and reasonable, please don’t give up on it yet but rather be clear what you hope to get from being there. Good luck. Big decisions can weigh heavily.

I have PM you

Do you have friends and family in France and a location you particularly want to be in?
If you don't you would have to make a complete life for yourself not knowing anyone.
My family live miles away but we do get together at least twice a year, we stay with them and they come to us.
Would your husband agree to two two month visits, you could perhaps stay a little longer if you wished.
Your dog could go with you, you could apply for a passport for him. I go one for my sons dog.
Or do you feel you would like to move back permanently.
If it is years since you lived in France it could now be a very different place to when you left.

Perhaps smaller steps would work. Why not go to see your friend on your own, either staying there, or nearby, for a few weeks. You at least deserve that, so shouldn’t feel guilty. After that, see how you feel, and let things evolve, I don’t think it has to be all or nothing. If you feel unable to do this on your own, persuade your husband to come with you...at least to start with..until you feel more confident on your own. I think gradually, once you start dipping your toe in, you’ll come to know what will make you happy. And we all deserve to be happy.

I think, given that you say your children are selfish, then you shouldn't feel guilty that you'd not be around to help with the baby.
France isn't the other side of the world, if you did decide to go you could come back and visit regularly - finances allowing.
Would it be at all possible for you to go and stay with your friend for, say, a month? It would give you a taste of what living back in France would be like. It will obviously have changed from when you lived there, and you might find you're homesick for England as you've lived here for a while.

Yes you NEED to do SOMETHING. But its yr hubby thats the problem not the dog. I wish you well in whatever you decide.its all up to you. Oh" to do what you wish whenever you wish" is such a joyous gift as a poster wrote!

I cared for my parents for 6 years, Mum had alzheimer's. After they died I went on holiday for a week with a friend to Egypt. I fell in love with the place and visited over the next 2-3 years as often as I could save the fare. I then decided I was going to live there, I packed up my home and moved. My 2 son's (married) said we don't want you to go but you must do as you want, my daughter, (unmarried) said I was abandoning her. I did go and stayed there for 13 years, my daughter came to visit 3 or 4 times, the boys never did, but I came back every couple of years for a holiday. I am 77 now and have been back in UK since 2013, came back due to health problems.

Why not go to France for several months if you can afford it before making a decision? It isn't that far away really , and I'm sure you would be able to get back to the UK if needed.
Surely you can take your dog with you under the Pet Passport scheme?
You are not happy in your marriage and haven't been for some time - husband wants to stay in UK, so that really answers another question.
Go for it!

I"ve read that people are more likely to regret things they didn't do, than things they did. Of course that must depend on the wisdom of the things you think about doing - but as others have said, you could give it a try. Maybe rent somewhere for a couple of months first? and, if you can afford it, buy somewhere if it turns out to suit you. It is hard to live most of your life in some sense 'in exile' from the country you feel is home.

You do not have to make the arrangement half and half. If you spend a couple of months in the summer in France I am sure the DH would find that easier and you would be the perfect holiday destination for the DC.

Try running half and half past the DH and then trade down to 80/20 or even 60/40 as a compromise. It might swing it.

Kiki2I know the predicament,I have lived in this Country for fifty years and love going back to the UK. My Husband wouldnt go for a long period, mainly because he cant master the English Language, I have started to prolong our holidays each year, I stay a month then come back here then stay in the UK at various times, it works well, I have been left a house in Cumbria where I love to be and feel so at home, there.Maybe something like this would work out for you,I hope so,I know so well the homesick feeling even after all these years.There is nowhere like your homeland.Good Luck,please let us know when you make decision.

I guess it feels a scary decision given that it’s not one that is being supported by your husband. If you don’t try it you’ll never know how it might work out and might regret not doing so. No decision is ever final and you can always have a ‘Plan B’ to return to the UK if living in France isn’t as you’d hoped ... Take the dog with you for company though!

Get your dog a passport and GO before Brexit. .if not you will have to put him/her in quarantine for 3 months. What are you to your husband? An appliance? Clearly he cares nothing for your happiness. Your kids will visit..it's your life ..bon courage!

My sister has 2 months in Spain, then 2 back here ... would something like that work for you ?

As specki4eyes says get a pet passport and go. France isn’t that far away if it was me I would have been to and fro ing all the time.

If you don’t try you will never know and you can see your friend too x