Silent Husband

I think it may be due to men’s brains being wired differently. My DH will happily sit in silence doing nothing. If I ask him what he’s thinking the reply is “Nothing”. He can do that. Go into a mental box and think of nothing. I can’t. My brain is always on the go even when I’m not.

I have noticed that since DH retired he is more inclined to chat - when he wants to.

my hubby wont even go to a coffee shop with me..on anniversaries I get him to take me to the garden centre...but we bypass the coffee shop....with it`s beautiful array of home made cakes...ah well.....I go there with friends

I didn’t remember starting this thread. Oh no. I didn’t start it did I ? But I could have. Can we arrange a husband swap ? I was thinking of a loan once a week maybe. I agree with what everyone else has said. After a long marriage there’s not so much to say. Maybe someone else’s husband would be more interesting / make more of an effort ? My friend has just taken up with a new man and I envy her some parts of it. Not all of it though. Imagine having to start again with someone new.
P.S This is only a light hearted reply. I don’t mean to underestimate another person’s illness. That’s a different thing.

Just go for coffees with friends. Doesn't seem like your husband's idea of fun. Mines exactly the same. Get tea, drink it, leave. Whereas my sister and I can sit about 2 hours chatting, drinking tea/ coffee.

We've just come back from a weekend away. It was supposed to be special. First night was fine dining but he was in a bad mood and barely spoke throughout the meal. I was close to tears. We are now home and he hasnt explained or apologised but has booked another weekend due to guilt. I have lived on this roller coaster for our entire marriage.

My husband doesn't speak either. At home he's always engrossed in his laptop or the TV. A lot of the time when I speak I get some sort of nondescript reply and I know he either hasn't listened to what I've said or has tuned out. On occasions I ask him what I've just said and the response will be ''something about ...".

In my experience most men talk less then their wives! Small talk isn't something they have cultivated or see the point of, so going out for coffee will usually be a totally different prospect if you go with your husband, or indeed any other man, then if you go with a woman friend.

Your post made me laugh, completely agree! My husband always says ‘why don’t we just have a cup of coffee at home- it’s cheaper’ ??

Everyone is different. It obviously isn’t your husband ‘s thing-and I don’t think he’s alone-lots of men don’t go in for small talk like that.Maybe keep that chatting for when you’re with a girlfriend.

If we stop off for coffee & cake we always chat away about what is going on around us,people watching for me and he will always admire any cars passing which takes his fancy/what the ACs are up to and when we will see them.
We never seem to run out of things to chat about.

We used to 'spot the marrieds' because they were the ones sitting in silence. Now I guess WE are the 'marrieds'!! My hubby isn't very talkative either. I am always talking to complete strangers too and he wouldn't think about it. I will say did you know that woman has x children and one of them lives in our road and they all went to x for her holidays two years running, she recommends x hotel... and he's like eh? who cares lol?

Like somebody else says if I ask for a response he will say he didn't realise it was a question? Must be a man thing eh? Not heard any men complaining their wives don't talk enough bahaha

For all that I just accept we are all different - He is happy to do the housework while I go out socialising and that keeps ME happy.

My husband doesn't have conversations really. He appears to listen if I speak but I know he really isn't listening because if I or anyone else mentions the same thing later, he will looked puzzled.
Annep1 I know how annoying that is! If I ask why he hasn't responded he will also say "I didn't realise it was a question" Some days I just give up trying to talk to him.

Mr B is chatty, we talk about everything, well we just chat. We go into a coffee shop/cafe on our cycle rides and its a bit like the cafe in Last of the Summer Wine. Because its small everyone chats away to all and sundry. We even help a chap with his cross word.

I would hate it if I had a silent partner. In fact Mr B has just in now and is telling me all about the postman and his operation.

I was in a supermarket cafe the other day and a couple on the next table were both reading their newspapers. Not a word was said between them in the hour they sat there.... If that had been me I would have been discussing what I was reading.

SandraF. My ideal is pleasant surroundings a comfy chair a flavoursome cappuccino (with topping) maybe a scone or buttered toasted teacake but best of all a good natter. My daughter does good natter but hubby doesnt. He's deaf in one ear since childhood & not great in the other even with aids. He's just got used to 'tuning out' of conversations and refuses to lipread. It can be difficult when people think he's deliberately blanking them. He can get pretty ratty with me & accuses me of mumbling & commands me to 'speak up' but I refuse to shout & I do speak clearly. He can't cope with any background noise although his modern aids are supposed to filter. So at times it can be a trial to visit cafes with him which is a shame. When he lost his hearing there just wasn't any therapy around to help him adjust.

I have to wonder why he went in the first place.

It surely wasn't his idea if he was just going to sit there in the garden centre like one of their gnomes.

So if he went when he didn't actually want to, maybe that's all he could manage for one day. Talking must be an 'extra'.

The art of conversing with the men you love is to talk about the things they love.

No wonder he's an ex. Like mine (ex, ofcourse?). I can start a conversation with a lamppost - easy ?

I've just remembered my ex getting all exasperated and saying "That's the trouble with you. You keep trying to make conversation!"

No probs chatting to my DH however we always take the newspaper with us and if we want to just relax we share the paper whilst drinking our coffee.

If I were you Sandra I would restrict my coffee sessions out to be with girlfriends, maybe he will be relieved.

My husband doesn't talk much, either, but I can yap away about all kinds of things. We've been together 41 years (married 39). I've noticed that when his mates are around, he'll chat to them for hours, about "blokey" things - motorbikes, cars, tools, beers, etc. Men are quite different to us, aren't they? I don't mind, as I have plenty of women to talk with.

My husband wouldn’t dream of going out with me just for a coffee. When we are away I have to force him to sit down in a cafe with me. we are quite likely to be each reading the paper and chatting about what we are reading. Or we will do word puzzles. On the other hand, when we are away with friends, he will happily sit down and have a drink and a chat.
My daughter and I had a shopping and lunch day today and we were talking about how men are wired differently and would never spend a day that way.

My DH and I do talk when we go out - often setting the world to rights. We talk at mealtimes at home also.

Daft as it may seem a newspaper may be just the catalyst to get conversation going, men are not great talkers, unless it is football, golf or whatever activity they are interested in.
If I can I try to arrange any meals out with friends then there is no chance of conversation drying up, living with each other for many years you know each others views on every subject so nothing to talk about.

I would find that situation rather grim I'm afraid SandraF. I relish the opportunity to spend time chatting with my husband (aka The Wonderful Man) over a cup of coffee, we both have plenty to talk about and usually run out of time long before we run out of conversation.

My husband is not chatty either. He doesn't do small talk or answer much. He says it wasn't a question if I complain. Better to find your conversation elsewhere. We happily do puzzles together or talk about the news but there has to be a focus for the conversation. You can't change someone. Bring a newspaper next time.