How can I compete with his idea of a perfect woman

Hetty, I have reread the OP and I can see nothing on it suggest that the writer is male.

I do not think that divorce is the only answer to every difficulty, in fact very few people do suggest divorce, but many of the people posting about marital problems are at the end of their tether with longstanding and very serious problems with their relationship which often have very serious issues, like abuse of all kinds, violence, emotional abuse, serial adultery, chronic alcoholism and, in this case, an addiction to extreme types of pornography that are both illegal and possibly criminal.

In circumstances like these, I think to suggest that the couple separate while these issues are worked out is best for the sake of the mental health and, sometimes, physical safety of the person posting. Separation is not divorce and I know several couples where a separation has given them time and breathing space to discuss and work through their issues before resuming their marriage much happier than they were before.

I don't believe I have ever suggested that someone should leave her partner before now. I'd never normally suggest something so drastic.

Hetty58 your posts have astonished me.

Hetty …. What do you mean? I'm afraid I'm not understanding you.

Your original comment was directed to TAS27, do you think the writer is a man?

You then went on to comment on the veracity of the replies to TAS27 with negative descriptive words.
Are all these posts from the men you speak of?

Sorry your answer has me perplexed!!

M0nica … well said!

Urmstongran … You do realise that's exactly what your have done!!! Gave me a laugh though.

If you truly believe it's a genuine post (not written, as I suspect, by a man) then I suppose you would react differently.

Hetty ... Well, I concur with your comments about jumping in and advocating divorce at the slightest difference of opinion, if in fact I am interpreting your reply correctly?

But even in this reply your choice of words is degrading.

You might benefit from a Critical Thinking course or some quiet reflection on why you chose this way of replying.

Then you might broaden your understanding.

There is nothing amusing at all about a subject that affects so many ( mostly ) woman !
The least we can expect from posters is a little bit of respect for what some may have or still do suffer.

I don't believe I've attacked anyone, Namsnanny. I just find the overreacting replies to many posts astonishing, that's all. It's as if there's a crowd just waiting to scream 'Divorce' as soon as anyone posts - all very amusing!

I can’t believe this OP has generated 90 replies in 24 hours. I refuse to add to them. Urmstongran and your point is?

I can’t believe this OP has generated 90 replies in 24 hours. I refuse to add to them.

Hetty, Hetty, Hetty ….Really?

Words almost fail me.

Forget for a moment what you are saying ( the content of your words).

Look at your choice of vocabulary. "weird, wonderful, extreme" to name a few.

This is how you choose to describe replies???

You show a very strong bias, and choose degrading words to attack those who don't agree with you.

Why?

Are the underage girls acting? Under age sex is underage sex. It is illegal whether the children taking part are acting or not.

Have you seen the film of a naked woman being raped? Can you tell whether it is real or acting?

This man is watching hardcore porn and needs to be checkedout.

When we see a rape simulated in a film or on tv, we know 1) the act is a simulation not the real thing, that everyone taking part is of age, 2) No one has been coerced to take part.

Hetty you have a dewy eyed and rather naive attitude to what type of material most porn addicts are watching and how these films are made. The days of Playboy are long gone

Many of the women and children involved in porn are not doing it for the cash. Even if they are that doesn’t make it ok.

This thread is mainly about the person (s) watching porn, Hetty58 & the effect it is having on the OP.
If you do not believe that young people are coerced ( or worse ) into the making of porn, you are very very naive !

TAS27, what a weird and wonderful range of extreme reactions to your post! I still think that it is your problem of feeling insecure. Some other Gransnetters seem to believe this is serious and criminal. Don't they know that most porn is just actors playing out fantasies for cash? Compare it to TV. Would you call the police if there was a rape in a film?

Leave
Call the police
What's the matter with you woman!
This is not about your insecurities
You are being complicit in child sex porn
For which you could be arrested
You know about it
You have a legal and moral obligation to do something about it
No wonder you have estranged children
Perhaps if you get him arrested they might come back
Each picture is an abused person
Do something about it
If you don't you seriously need help

Next time he comes home let him find the door key doesn't work any more as you have changed the locks. Pack all his stuff and leave it in the garage or similar with a note on the door explaining why he is being ejected and that the police are now involved.
So you need to get "your ducks in a row" which involves copying all the paperwork relating to family finances, bank accounts and pensions. Your legal advisor will tell you what you need.
Let it be known why you are kicking the miserable apology for a human being out of your home. Hold your head high.
Good luck with your new life OP.

The trust is gone.....go see a counselor on your own . You have some decisions to make. ?

I have been through similar and understand how you feel but as others have said, you must remember that there is absolutely nothing you have done/not done/ said/ not said that makes his behaviour your fault, he is a pervert, because he has pervert friends he thinks its normal, but its not.
you deserve so much more, a man who loves you, loves your body and the time you spend together, don't settle for anything less. Remember, its never going to get any better than it is now, and could quite possibly get a whole lot worse, research shows that as the brain gets used to one level of stimuli, it seeks out more and more extreme stimuli to get the same buzz, be it alcohol drinking drugs gambling or sexual. Kick him out, report him, those girls need people like you to help protect them from monsters like him, report him, and give the evidence of those others involved, that was a rape they were watching for entertainment, to the police. Yes your children might be angry with you at first, but think how angry they would be if they found out and thought you were complicit by your silence. Best of luck, be strong. There are thousands of us on this website who are completely behind you, backing you up. x

You know what you need to do. You don’t really need to ask do you? You sound like a confident woman and you’ve heard all these opinions. What’s stopping you? Just get on with it whilst you’re young enough to make a new life for yourself. Good luck.

PLEASE get out as soon as possible.I got out of my relationship 3 years ago due to porn addiction, after 10 months of checking the content of the videos and doing lots of research there are hundreds of videos in vast categories depending on what his preference is.It was affecting my health, my life my work.I found a manor of what appears to be shocking but they are porn actors acting out a scenario for men’s pleasure and this often involves scenes of rape and unconscious women. However shocking it is they are being paid to act out these scenes.
I also found out that men start off looking at run of the mill porn and when that becomes boring and repetitive they then delve deeper into more specific detailed porn, and every imaginable scenario is available at the touch of a screen, once they are that far down the line it’s highly unlikely he will ever change, he will just hide it better.
I’d be very suspicious of what he gets up to when he’s away as when viewing porn videos, pop ups appear on the screen to take you to another site where you can make contact with women that are available to meet up in the area that you are in as GPS will detect your location. I’m not suggesting he’s doing this but it is so easily available to take it to another level.
It will eat you up if you don’t deal with it and get out and live your life. Good luck.

If it is, and I regularly had similar “problems” when I was a Samaritan - usually phone calls in the wee small hours- but if it is, it is very sick indeed. .

It is not up to us to report this to the police; I think the OP should do that. We have commented by saying what we think the OP should do.

I think the whole thread should be taken down and, if you have reported it painting, then perhaps GNHQ will do just that.

I do hope this is not someone's idea of a very sick joke.

And if gransnet don't act on it immediately, I've taken print outs of this thread and screen shots. It is not to be taken lightly and someone should have reported this to the police way before now.
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This is a criminal offence. And rape. You have information about, I have reported it to moderation.
So disgusted that others have just commented on it and not done the same. Very clear hear that if moderation don't act on it I will report the thread to the police directly myself.
painting