Hi all, I'm new to this forum and hoping for some wisdom, experienced thoughts,grab a cuppa its a long one (sorry)
I'm a mum of 3 grown up kids 27-21, gran of 2 both estranged sadly.
My husband and I have been together since we were 16, married at 26, we're now both 47
I've never been confident about my image (which I put down to childhood trauma) though I am told I have a great figure for my age and inherited my mother & gran's ample bust haha!
Anyhow to get to the point I have always felt insecure, blaming the above, us getting together at a young age, him taking so much more longer than me to grow up and his secretive ways, hiding stuff that he knows I won't like from me doesn't help either (porn) not to mention his numerous boys holidays abroad, where I have been unable to contact him for days,he went away for 5 days and never once made contact though his friends wives told me they had spoken to their partners which hurt deeply
A couple of years back I was looking for photos to personalize a card for our anniversary (I never take photos) I came across the most vile porn videos on his phone, one was a violation of an unconscious woman which I was so disturbed by I can't erase from my memory! I felt sick and went crazy with him (probably wrong but I was repulsed he found that entertaining) he said it was what other folk sent him and he forgot to delete them,like that made it ok? I decided at this point we had very different ideas of marriage and I was now running a succesful business so was financially secure, but he begged/pleaded and got very emotional promising to change and do anything to make the marriage work so we didn't split up and he changed or I thought he had anyway.
So to bring this up to date sometimes I dont trust that hes not getting his kicks from that still so I checked his phone as I was suspicious when every time I left the room he picked up his phone and quickly closed it when I came back.
Some of his male contacts on Whatsapp have all conversations deleted even though they are recent conversations as they are close to the top of the list even above our kids conversations, one of these contacts I remembered was the one prolific in sharing the above content so I can guess why the conversation/images/videos have been deleted.
So I know he has Facebook messenger and went to check that except I couldnt find it on his phone, the only device he uses at home, (he works away 2 weeks work/ 3 home) so I look in his installed apps and there it is well hidden from my prying eyes 😒 there was a few videos of young girls exposing their boobs/bottoms and doing extreme things with sex toys who look late teens (though who can tell these days) he shared with his pals(?) saying perfect pair of t*ts...perfect a*se ....look at this perfect p*ssy etc etc so now I am losing sleep once again, am I the one with the problem apart from my menopause/sadness from family issues/trust issues? Advice and words of wisdom very much appreciated please x
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