Am I a prude?

I think porn is addictive if the person watching it has an addictive personality (and nothing else to do)

Its much the same as shopping, drinking, smoking pot, and any number of other activities.

Most people can dabble, but some people are always going to have problems.

I promised myself that I would never ever live in a house surrounded by porn again. My divorce prompted me to promise myself that.

Just knowing that it was in the house, being used regularly, made me feel awful.

I am not a prude and I don’t think you are, onaclearday you just know what you want or don’t want.

If you don’t want porn in your relationship, assert it.

You obviously have doubts and your gut feeling is right. You are not a prude at this time of life don't get involved in something you are not interested in. Ask yourself is that what you want if not look for a companion who has grown up. Being told that all men want this isn't true some women enjoy this too. However it's not everyone's cup of tea so change your brand.

I think it's very widespread and common. It's also addictive for some. If it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to be with this man or you can agree not to discuss it and ask him to make sure you never see it anywhere. Giving him an ultimatum won't work but if you have a healthy sex life he may find no need.

Personally, I think porn is mostly degrading and not a healthy example of how to treat women. If it was all like movie sex scenes and everyone looked like they were genuinely enjoying it I wouldn't mind.

I agree with Loislovesstewie 's posts about evolutionary predispositions carried on at subconscious and biochemical levels. There is much research to support the idea that, while our thoughts and ideas evolve rather quickly, there are many primitive processes still running parts of the show!

Her comments about attraction to the "roundness" of women, for example are well-founded. There are studies showing a similar preference for deep voices, taller frames and more musculature that women have for men. These are large generalizations borne out by data and not intended as reflections on individuals at all.

Porn is truly addictive and I'd guess from what he's told you about the "lack of a physical side" to his marriage and how he dealt with it through porn, it won't stop. To be honest, I'd run for the hills!!!

If it were me, I’d not worry about it and would be happy for the relationship to develop. I’d not base my entire decision on whether to see him or not on the fact he’d watched porn. Life is too short...

Onaclearday, hope you are ok, I also hope that we have given you some encouragement to stand up for your own preferences, standards & happiness, don’t be coerced into believing that you & your feelings are any less worthy than those who seek to impose there will on to you. ?

onaclearday, if a man (or a woman but we're talking man from your OP) has become accustomed to looking at porn as part of sexual activity, that practice isn't likely to stop. Some posters suggest that if he has an enjoyable, satisfying sex life with you, he won't any longer 'need' porn. I disagree. Porn is addictive.

Not all men (or women) use pornography. I may be a prude , as the OP fears she is but I don't see myself that way. Pornography tends to degrade those who take part in it. I can degrade those who are frequent users of it.
I wouldn't want a relationship with a man who was a user of pornography. I've seen the damage it can cause. I'd also feel uneasy about whether what he'd admitted was the full truth. You know, like people who tell doctors they drink within the government guidelines, or haven't smoked for years.

And yet you think “men are looking for an ideal body shape, but women are looking for practical skills”!

Yeah, that exactly what goes through the respective heads of men and women when looking for a mate

Can I just correct you on one very important point though - I do not think anyone on here is a “daft old woman”. That’s not a view I have of any poster here - I may disagree with their views but I never doubt their intelligence (and I would hope for the same in return )

I am not goi8ng to add anything else but in actual fact , i have during my life had to fight against stereotyping of me. I used to be very shapely when young with blonde hair. try getting out of that stereotype!
Goodnight all!

And I disagree with you. I said you were stereotyping me , probably as some daft old woman who has never done anything.
I find it hilarious that you should think that I have a narrow view of men and women; if you asked my family and friends they would come up with a huge number of ways in which that is untrue.
You have taken my comments about evolution and how primitive hunter gatherers would behave and not really read any other points. FWIW we are the product of evolution; if we weren't we would still resemble bonobos.
And as for sexual freedom and norms only being stripped back now! Had you been at university with me in the seventies you would know how far you have got that wrong!

No Lois, you’ll see I didn’t accuse you of gender stereotyping, rather of having a narrow view of men and women.

As for the claim that sex is controlled by a primitive part of the brain and men and women display that differently - I disagree. Women and men have been conditioned to behave that way according to societal norms. We’re all sexual beings but patriarchal societies have exerted a level of constraint against women that simply doesn’t exist for men - although that’s slowly changing and certainly evident in my daughter’s generation in terms of sexual freedom and norms. For a man to tell a woman she has childbearing hips for example is simply offensive - why should an adult seek to make comments about another adult’s physical shape, especially in relation to their fertility? Women have been conditioned to think that there is an ideal shape for sex and reproduction, men have been conditioned to think it’s ok to comment in that way. Strip everything right back to societal conditioning and it’s easy to see where the gender stereotyping begins.

Actually SirChenjin I feel that you are stereotyping me. I also agree that you are being deliberately contentious. If you want to discuss that is one thing but by accusing me of displaying gender stereotyping you are not adding to the debate but just shutting it down.
As I said I was attempting to explain , by using evolution, why men and women may behave in different ways. I am not saying that men are better than women or that any other factor does not come into the picture ( such as socialization ) but as sex is such a driving force for evolution it is controlled by a primitive part of the brain and may therefore be displayed in a less sophisticated way. and that was it.

I agree Bridgeit - both men and women are attracted to other men and women. Societal norms have dictated acceptable behaviour for men and women over the centuries and it’s only fairly recently that we’ve started to challenge those gender stereotypes.

Can we agree that we are supposed to be physically attracted to other human beings.
Back in the day before artificial insemination etc, it was evolutionary desirable & necessary for males & females to be attracted to each other , now it really doesn’t matter, & who actually cares any more , live & let live Providing we dont harm or dominate another human being.!

If by ‘argue the toss’ do you mean do I want to debate your narrow views on what men and women do and don’t do Tedbet? If so then yes, absolutely - if you post on an open forum then you’re inviting discussion.

You specifically asked about my son ogling women - I’m curious as to why you did that (while assuming at the same time he was straight) but you didn’t suggest that my daughter (or me) looks at men (or women) and ogles them to the same extent? You generalised massively and I find that interesting.

I’m a woman by the way. It’s hard to work out from chat names I know.

SirChenjin I am sure you just want to argue the toss t.b.h.
I included your daughter in my 'women' aspect and as am not sure about whether you are male or female it is up to you?

For some of us the sexual act is about love & commitment.
For others it has no further importance than gratification.
Evolutionary speaking the dear old man had to impregnate as many females as poss and if we believe in Adam & Eve , that throws up a whole other debate.
Having witnessed the effects of the introduction of porn to young people I would say it is emotional & mentally harmful I also believe it has a negative emotional effect on a missed matched couple . Both need to be totally ok with it, otherwise one or the other is most definitely suffering , and that is usually the one who is having to comply.

Why do you ask about my son and not my daughter or me?

There’s that generational stereotyping again...

Really? SirChenjin...does your son never look at a woman and think ...wow look at that figure, boobs, hair etc? Find that hard to believe a 22 year old wouldn't.

Women, in general, look for more first, they don't get impressed with physical appearances so much...unless they are at a Chippendale concert for instance lol. Then they go wild, but all in fun.

Men do it all the time. It isn't perverted, or odd, just the way they are. Men ARE very much more visual than women and have been and always will be...

I’m honestly amazed - you don’t really believe this, do you both?! I’m 50, my daughter is 20 and my son is 22 - none of us (nor our friends) subscribe to such narrow views of men/women. Different generations indeed!

Actually am in total agreement with Loislovesstewie views.
Men are very visual whereas most women aren't! (fact)

Society is telling us otherwise. I remember in my time a guy telling me I had "good child bearing hips" ... times gone by I probably would have been regarded as a good prospect for providing children?

I agree with her that even with today's standards, men still look out for potential 'mates' by looking first rather than getting to know women!

Most men will 'ogle' women. Most women won't ogle men in same way. (obviously going to be exceptions). Nothing to do with porn btw...just how it is!

But it has been the same for generations, since start of time t.b.h.

SirChenjin. I am talking about evolution and how it has shaped us , not how society has evolved so that women can be practical. I am one of the most practical women you could ever wish to meet, however I do understand that for all of our education , technology etc deep within us there are still primitive urges . For example the amygdala part of the brain , which is a primitive part, controls our basic survival , including sex. We may well control ourselves intellectually but that part still deals with our primitive urges and makes a difference to our behaviour. If we had no further need of it in the 21st century then I am sure it would wither and cease to be.

And I am not old being; only 60 something . But I am interested in such topics as anthropology/sociology/psychology etc and feel they can explain how we got here and why we behave as we do.

Have you not heard - women have now worked out how to carry out practical tasks themselves and they now work so they don’t have to rely on men for food. There’s been quite a revolution going on!

Sometimes I do wonder about some of the views on here - just how old are some of you??!