Don't much like brother or his family. What to do?

Hetty, How often do they visit? Is your mum disabled?

Think would do what others suggest and make the most of having someone there to take over (go out somewhere). No need for you to wait on them!

Being practical isn’t being rude. You can smile sweetly, then leave them to it (unless you don’t trust them in the house to fix themselves a cuppa?)

I hope it wasn't too stressful for you. This is the first Christmas without my dear Dad and it would appear that he was the only reason the family tolerated each other. My mum is a very cruel selfish woman who has blighted my life for 50 years and I no longer have to put up with her judgement so although I'm sad that my Dad isn't here I'm relieved to not have to put up with her any longer. She has my brother who is 'cut from the same cloth' and they are welcome to each other. He is just a bully who likes to intimidate people. The saddest part is that it would seem my mother has got to my sons and they only contact me now when they want something. Didn't get a card from either of them, not even a text on Christmas Day. I'm following my counsellors advice .. dont chase them as it allows them to keep hurting you.

My youngest brother comes in every 2 months to see M&D. His Christmas present is like a hamper with goodies in it. My other brother did not realise that some bits were left over from last year ? Still got Assam tea bags when they know Dad only drinks Yorkshire Tea. Brothers hey?

Just try to remember that people like that are usually chronically insecure. You and your family are probably confident, witty, secure and attractive - you are blessed, even if you do not realise it!

Have pity on their needs......

I had a close relative that I felt exactly the same about. I liked to 'dilute' things by inviting friends or other family at the same time.

With other people around, I found that she modified her behaviour. The same thing happened if we were out in public, especially eating out.

If inviting others or going out are not possible, it's best to be incredibly busy, involved in something 'urgent'!

All of the above take focus and attention away from the unbearable person, allowing a visit for the sake of your mother.

Grin and bear it for one day, for your mums sake.

How strange. So many people suggesting hetty play the martyr or worse, act so petty.

Either leave the room, or suggest they go out.

You’re not a waitress at a restaurant!

Leave for a walk and lunch out.

HettyMaud

Do you have a partner?
If so, you could turn the visits into a game by playing 'bragging bingo', or something like that?
In other words, before the visits, you each write down a number of irritating words, expressions or boasts that you think they might make. Then, during the visit, sit back and enjoy yourselves.
Their annoying behaviour might suddenly become quite amusing when it means you mentally tick off one of the things on your bingo list.
If you really get into the swing off it, you could try todeliberately leading them into topics that are likely to help you win.

Look up “medium chill” - it’s a fabulous strategy. Allows you to be around them without getting “hooked” and “emotionally impacted”. Takes some practice but in my experience it is life changing. Xx

They maybe boasting as they feel inadequate as they dont share the care you give your mother. Maybe can your mother go to stay with them for a few days? It will give them an opportunity to see how hard you work and will give you some me time. When they are visiting those the opportunity to go out for the time and so some thing you wouldnt usually have time for. Enjoy having some one else look after mum. X

Have you and your brother ever got on? If not, greet them politely and stay out of their way.

If he makes patronising remarks, tell him not to be so b. patronising.

On the other hand, you could try being interested in them, ask for their news, AFTER you have told them all yours.

Hetty Maud, laugh at them secretly. As they brag think of them without their clothes on.

After all they are vulnerable people if they hold their successes to be important.

Can you be out when they visit? Can they pick up your mum abd take her out? If your mother lives there it's her home as well as yours.

I Can sympathise with you we have them in our family,endless boasting about money etc, but you have to think these ppl have low self esteems , they do this to big themselves up, although annoying we find it amusing, as we know it’s all about them, very few words asking about my mum. Then launch on about themselves again, poor mum she knew what to expect every year,

I'd keep it short and sweet and let them concentrate on your mum.

My sil is able to be nice to her pil and yet she says she sort of builds an invisible wall and doesn't let them bother her any more.

I hope it goes well for you.

Unless your mum is understanding of your feelings concerning B and Sil as to leave the house while on their visits could upset her. The choice is yours. Best to make refreshments and say 'leave you to it while I get on with etc etc'.

Feel much the same about my younger brother. Totally spoiled, never visits my mum. I just put a false smile on my face and make nice. Doesn’t have to be for long and if it gets you through Christmas without an argument well worth it. Leave them to it and potter about in the kitchen doing important things!

Enjoy your Christmas regardless xx

It’s hard not to get het up inside but the fact that you have recognised the situation means you can rise above it. Be proud of yourself that you can just make all this about making your Mum happy. Keep out of your brother and sister in law’s way by saying you are sure your Mum appreciates having some quiet time just with them as you’re around all the time anyway. Be busy in the kitchen, making coffee and so on as everyone else is saying and just get through it. Bless you.

I know what you mean, Hetty. How are your acting abilities? Could you harness your inner Basil Fawlty and come out with jovial comments, delivered with an insincere smile?
"How clever you are!"
"How lovely for you!"
"Marvellous!"
Then disappear into the kitchen and attack the sherry.

Their constant bragging and boasting is to shore up their lack of self esteem and to try to get recognition from your Mum. Take heart that you don't need to do that and feel sorry for them that they are such needy people. Pity often takes the edge off situation like this.

Come on now this is Hettymauds home, and while I agree her mum may welcome their visit consider Hetty's feelings too.
Personally I am at an age where I haven't the patience for intolerable annoying people, so usually I avoid them, and politely but firmly refuse invites etc...life's too short, and yes I can at times be a grumpy old so and so.
Of course thus situation us different, so as someone else suggested make them tea then occupy yourself somewhere else. No need to ponder to them or listen to them family or not. Hope you manage to enjoy Christmas

Hetty, you're a good daughter. Present tea and biscuits, and get a phone call from a friend/neighbour who urgently needs...

Try to remember this isn't about them or you, it's a day for your mother. If she's mobile suggest your brother takes your mom out for lunch or tea as she is looking forward to seeing them and will enjoy getting out of the house and it will give you a chance to catch up with an urgent appointment you need to keep. Sometimes parents appear to prefer the wonderful son/daughter who pops in to see them occasionally, which must be very annoying and upsetting if you are her constant support.

You're scathing in your criticism of them but don't want to appear "too rude"? They've come to see their mum, so you can put on a hotel receptionist hat, show them in and disappear (maybe much to their relief). Happy Christmas!