Don't much like brother or his family. What to do?

But it’s not about you is it ? It’s about your Mum .. is she happy to see him ?

If she is then you just have to grin and bear it. Leave him to visit with her if you truly can’t bear his company .

If your Mum feels the same as you then that’s a whole different ball game .

How long will they be there for?
Can you do some baking in the kitchen/keep busy with something else in another room? Go to a bedroom with a bad headache [read a book]. Tell them you are brewing a bad cold.
Or just go for a walk/visit a nearby friend who has invited you for a seasonal visit.

It's tough dealing with this sort of situation. Someone in my circle irritates us all every year. However it's me she latches onto more so [never stops talking] and I cannot enjoy my GC and my son's company. It can make me quite upset. She has been told about it by her daughter more than once, but just ignores her.

This year I'm going somewhere else.

N&G I so agree. As parents we want nothing more than for our children to get on with each other. Try for your mum’d sake to ignore all the comments. Let them pass by and let your mum have a happy Christmas

If your Mum lives with you I am guessing the two of you are close so - for her sake, zone out, take in the tea tray, pour and with pop in and out or disappear to the kitchen saying how busy you are and letting them catch up on their own. Reading between the lines, perhaps, lots of us have brothers who leave us to it and turn up like “the golden boy”. If this is the case consider it your gift to your mum to keep calm and carry on. I know what that is like - grind your teeth and treat yourself when you close the door behind them.

I know exactly how you feel Hetty Maud! There are some people in my life who I can't stand (that is putting it mildly) believe you me! Can you busy yourself in the kitchen, making coffee, anything that does not involve you having to be in their company much. If they say anything unkind just smile and walk away. I am going to try and do that too!!

Yes HettyMaud I know just how you feel. Luckily for me I don't have see or have anything to do with my sibling. She was exactly the same, patronising, boastful and just up herself. Wouldn't have her as a friend.

Suggest you just let them in and then either go to a different part of the house and leave them to it or go out for half an hour or so and leave them to it.

You're scathing in your criticism of them but don't want to appear "too rude"? They've come to see their mum, so you can put on a hotel receptionist hat, show them in and disappear (maybe much to their relief). Happy Christmas!

Try to remember this isn't about them or you, it's a day for your mother. If she's mobile suggest your brother takes your mom out for lunch or tea as she is looking forward to seeing them and will enjoy getting out of the house and it will give you a chance to catch up with an urgent appointment you need to keep. Sometimes parents appear to prefer the wonderful son/daughter who pops in to see them occasionally, which must be very annoying and upsetting if you are her constant support.

Hetty, you're a good daughter. Present tea and biscuits, and get a phone call from a friend/neighbour who urgently needs...

Come on now this is Hettymauds home, and while I agree her mum may welcome their visit consider Hetty's feelings too.
Personally I am at an age where I haven't the patience for intolerable annoying people, so usually I avoid them, and politely but firmly refuse invites etc...life's too short, and yes I can at times be a grumpy old so and so.
Of course thus situation us different, so as someone else suggested make them tea then occupy yourself somewhere else. No need to ponder to them or listen to them family or not. Hope you manage to enjoy Christmas

Their constant bragging and boasting is to shore up their lack of self esteem and to try to get recognition from your Mum. Take heart that you don't need to do that and feel sorry for them that they are such needy people. Pity often takes the edge off situation like this.

I know what you mean, Hetty. How are your acting abilities? Could you harness your inner Basil Fawlty and come out with jovial comments, delivered with an insincere smile?
"How clever you are!"
"How lovely for you!"
"Marvellous!"
Then disappear into the kitchen and attack the sherry.

It’s hard not to get het up inside but the fact that you have recognised the situation means you can rise above it. Be proud of yourself that you can just make all this about making your Mum happy. Keep out of your brother and sister in law’s way by saying you are sure your Mum appreciates having some quiet time just with them as you’re around all the time anyway. Be busy in the kitchen, making coffee and so on as everyone else is saying and just get through it. Bless you.

Feel much the same about my younger brother. Totally spoiled, never visits my mum. I just put a false smile on my face and make nice. Doesn’t have to be for long and if it gets you through Christmas without an argument well worth it. Leave them to it and potter about in the kitchen doing important things!

Enjoy your Christmas regardless xx

Unless your mum is understanding of your feelings concerning B and Sil as to leave the house while on their visits could upset her. The choice is yours. Best to make refreshments and say 'leave you to it while I get on with etc etc'.

I'd keep it short and sweet and let them concentrate on your mum.

My sil is able to be nice to her pil and yet she says she sort of builds an invisible wall and doesn't let them bother her any more.

I hope it goes well for you.

I Can sympathise with you we have them in our family,endless boasting about money etc, but you have to think these ppl have low self esteems , they do this to big themselves up, although annoying we find it amusing, as we know it’s all about them, very few words asking about my mum. Then launch on about themselves again, poor mum she knew what to expect every year,

Can you be out when they visit? Can they pick up your mum abd take her out? If your mother lives there it's her home as well as yours.

Hetty Maud, laugh at them secretly. As they brag think of them without their clothes on.

After all they are vulnerable people if they hold their successes to be important.

Have you and your brother ever got on? If not, greet them politely and stay out of their way.

If he makes patronising remarks, tell him not to be so b. patronising.

On the other hand, you could try being interested in them, ask for their news, AFTER you have told them all yours.

They maybe boasting as they feel inadequate as they dont share the care you give your mother. Maybe can your mother go to stay with them for a few days? It will give them an opportunity to see how hard you work and will give you some me time. When they are visiting those the opportunity to go out for the time and so some thing you wouldnt usually have time for. Enjoy having some one else look after mum. X

Look up “medium chill” - it’s a fabulous strategy. Allows you to be around them without getting “hooked” and “emotionally impacted”. Takes some practice but in my experience it is life changing. Xx

HettyMaud

Do you have a partner?
If so, you could turn the visits into a game by playing 'bragging bingo', or something like that?
In other words, before the visits, you each write down a number of irritating words, expressions or boasts that you think they might make. Then, during the visit, sit back and enjoy yourselves.
Their annoying behaviour might suddenly become quite amusing when it means you mentally tick off one of the things on your bingo list.
If you really get into the swing off it, you could try todeliberately leading them into topics that are likely to help you win.

Leave for a walk and lunch out.