No sleep and spitting feathers

How awful. What an abuse of the system. I would report her.

Also, your husband is no doubt on a good police pension from the government, would this be put in jeopardy, if he’s found condoning criminal activity? For goodness sake, do the right thing and report her. I think worrying about rifts forming in the family is too late now, and is irrelevant anyway, compared to honesty.

Theft and fraud on a large scale?

The woman is claiming a 25% discount on her council tax, and even that may be legal, depending on her son's circumstances, which we don't know.

I think there is a lot of hysteria on this thread. If the OP's husband is paying his daughter some extra money, that is kind of him, and IMO perfectly understandable - I would do the same. It is not illegal, and she is under no obligation to declare a gift from a parent. Helping our children when they need us is What Parents Do.

The rest (she runs a car, gets her hair done etc) sounds like jealousy to me. If the woman has been working for years before the redundancy, presumably she will have saved some money for a rainy day, and she has been given a payout (again, perfectly legal - in fact a legal requirement). This is the rainy day. What is wrong with her spending her own money on running a car and getting her hair done? She will want to look decent if she gets an interview, and may well need a car for her work when she gets it.

The 'good clothes' she has were presumably bought while she was earning. If she sold them, she would get a pittance, and would then have to replace them with new ones when she finds a job. What do those who condemn her think she should wear? Should she buy special 'Universal Credit' clothes, and save the 'good' ones for when she stops claiming? If so, where should she get the money to buy them?

The fact that the son has 'a good job in the city' is irrelevant, too. Why mention it, if not to imply that, as with the 'good clothes' and the car, they are in some way undeserving?

Yes, claiming the discount on the council tax is wrong, if the son is living there as his sole residence, and not just staying with his mum for a couple of weeks. But 'theft and fraud on a large scale' is the sort of thing that companies such as Amazon commit when they defraud the taxpayer of millions of pounds. This does not come close, and if the OP betrays the confidence of her step-daughter over this, she is likely to cause a family rift that will never be healed.

She’s living a better life than I am and I’m working all the hours God sends.
Why should she get away with this when other people have to survive on food banks???
I can’t believe you’re lily livered dh sat there in silence. Shame on him.
It’s now your duty to expose this fraudster. No matter the fallout YOU would be the one doing the right thing! ?

I am appalled that you are condoning this behaviour! It is theft and fraud on a large scale! I worked for CAB for 10 years meeting many who needed long term help!
This adult needs to be shopped or told to get her life in order!
She doesn’t deserve any of what she receives
It makes me so angry

Is she not entitled to UC if she is looking for a new job? The tax people will know exactly what redundancy payment she got. The dishonest bit is claiming a 25% reduction in Council Tax assuming her son is living with her full time and not paying Council tax himself at another property.

Tricky. If you disclose it, how do you envisage your relationship with your daughter in the future? It’s not up to you to ‘police’ her income. She is being dishonest and all the establishment has to do is look at her bank account. As she is being dishonest, she will have to pay the piper when she gets caught out and will end up with a criminal record possibly. Not good for future employment prospects either. In my opinion, all you can do is tell her how unhappy and angry the disclosure has made you. She is a responsible adult and should be cutting her cloth etc. Don’t just look at today, look at your future relationship with her. Tell her to get out and look for an honest job.

It's a difficult one, isn't it?

We all ought to report those who swindle the system, but it can be very difficult when it is a family member.

How long have you been this woman's stepmum? If you have brought her up then to my mind you are in a different position than you are if you married her father after she was an adult.

I would have a quiet word with my husband about this, pointing out that your daughter had a hard time when she was on benefit because she was honest so it riles you that your step-daughter is claiming benefits she is not entitled to.

And it worries you that what she is doing is illegal and could land her either in prison or with a rap sheet, both of which might make it more difficult for her to get a job.

Sorry not ‘people like you’ I meant to write ‘people like her’

I’m sorry but covering this up is condoning it in one way. Fraud is fraud and it’s people like you make me sick and give the benefit system a bad name.

Report it.

Wait a while and report.

crimpedhalo, well done you. You did exactly the right thing. If anything had happened to that baby, most likely the parents would have blamed everyone else. You would have felt awful too, if you hadn’t said anything.

My daughter has just said, if she walked up to you in the street, and took money directly out of your purse to get her hair done, would you bury your head in the sand about that, and say it’s not worth the hassle? That’s what she’s doing, she’s stealing from everyone, which makes it everyone’s business.

I doubt she has a conscience! Chances are she’s been dumb enough to blab about this to others as well.

So wrong that she gets away with such blatant lies whilst benefits are being stopped for the sick and disabled by untrained interrogators who get paid large bonuses and then give about one week to appeal.

I had a situation where I reported a young neighbour but it was for leaving her baby alone in the house early in the morning to take her husband to the train station (total 25 minute journey there and back)

Then the baby became ill with an emergency heart problem. 2 weeks later the morning routine started again!!

I wrote a letter to the relevant authorities explaining what I see out of my window every morning.

The repercussions from my action left me treated like a sex offender in a small cul de sac. They moved 2 years later after they had another baby.

I realise now I should have warned her but I had hinted but she chose to ignore. They had been leaving the baby unattended since the baby was 2 days old!!

Speak to your husband and follow the advice others have said. Good luck.

What’s all this “keep out of it”? This is fraud, criminal behaviour and done knowingly. Be prepared to stand up & be counted. If only those who needed support got help then everyone would be better off. Tell her so.

You are in the right but say nothing to her. It will only lead to trouble for you. It would serve her right if you informed on her but could lead to terrific arguments and trouble between you and your husband. Do you want that?

In your shoes, I'd ask your husband what he thinks and let him handle it. You know his personality and we don't. He'll either take it on board or he won't.

If you really do feel you want to report the matter, leave it three months or so and then do it. Don't say anything to your husband about the matter in this case.

Umm, I have only had my hair WASHED once since 27th October, never mind cut and coloured!

I think it's your DH that needs to take action here and stop the monthly allowance and not condone what she is doing - I would have thought that she wouldn't have been able to make a claim in the first place having had a payout from the redundancy??

The DWP's own figures for benefit fraud are relatively tiny (although they say that was the basis of why Disability Benefits were changed initially (rubbish, they moved the goalposts to deny the benefit and nothing else!) I wouldn't 'dob her in' as it will cause issues within the family, but get the 'policeman dad' to have a word!

I don't believe in a higher power per se but something akin to karma or fate gets the bad deeds in the end, all said its her that has to live with this deceit, it's on her conscience not yours

She won't go to prison, she'll be asked to pay it back or pay a set fine.

I appreciate your feelings as I too know a person
thankfully not related who is also 'milking ' the system.
At some time ,and am sure you are not the only one who knows of this deceit, fate will take over as for this kind of person enough is never enough and she will be found out.

I would leave it for a while but report it she is committing fraud and theft driven by her greed .The allowance from her father is another matter whatever he is giving her should be stopped unless you are in agreement with it

A very difficult situation for you to be in! What your step daughter should realise, when she does get found out she will have to pay it all back and probably get a hefty fine!

She is committing an offence, this is fraud and quite how she sleeps at night I do not know!

Personally, I would far sooner have a clear conscience than a criminal record!

No problem with. I wish there was an edit function on here, if only for a minute or two after posting!

I see no or with her father helping her out. He should have involved you in the decision, IMO, but otherwise it’s what parents do if their children are in need. Charity begins at home. It should make no difference to her claim, which should be based on the NI contributions she has made over the years.

The council tax reduction is different, but a relatively small amount (isn’t is something like 20% off?). She should not be claiming this, but maybe her son is just staying there temporarily? If not, she will be found out sooner or later, without you telling anyone.

If you do decide to report her, at least give her enough notice to get her house in order? She could get a criminal record, and this could damage your relationship with both your step-daughter and your husband irreparably. Is it worth that risk?