Fussy eating grand daughters

My 4 year old DGD has become very fussy recently. She sleeps over once a fortnight and we have her and her 16 month old brother the next day. I just don't worry. Her mum was fussy at that age. At the moment she loves cereal and milk and also macaroni cheese. It will probably be something else next week. At home her mum is stricter and she has to have one or two mouthfuls of "proper" food. But I am her gran. It is my job to make her feel really happy, at ease and loved when here. One idea, her mum got my DGD a plate from Aldi. It was like a pathway with lots of little compartments. The final one had a little cover on it and was for a special treat. The child has to eat a bit from each section before reaching the hidden treat.

Does fussy equate with “spoilt” Nanny 41?

It's a funny life isn't it, I've just seen an article in the paper which says overweight people are being allowed to join the Army. My grandson passed his exams for the Air Force but failed the medical because he was underweight.

Granarchist I’m surprised that the toddler didn’t appear to be welcome in the French restaurant. I have always found the French very accommodating of children, who usually eat whatever the adults are having. No chicken nuggets on most of their menus!

i don't like dairy free ice cream either. It is not nearly as nice as proper ice cream. Unless they are also dairy intolerant why not let them enjoy normal ice cream and keep dairy free for dil. Cook and offer food as normal if they refuse make nothing of it. Do not offer sandwiches or alternatives.

DGC is the child who asks politely for toast at parties. They also came out of school with a ‘Very Fussy Eater’ badge in the first week. I guess that prevented over zealous dinner supervisors from hassling them!

I think children have very simple likes and taste buds are undeveloped so trying to make them like strong meat or spicy food or strange textures is a highway to nothing.
Bland and boring works best. It works for oldies too.
Gt grandpa loves my pancakes.
I can still remember being force fed carrots as a child and vomiting!
Never have battles over food. No child will deliberately starve itself. Relax and don't try so hard.

We have our grandchildren every other weekend. I have a number of strategies that seem to work well.

1. We have a policy of encouraging them to try everything, if they don’t like it that’s fine, but they are praised (but not pushed) for trying new things.
2. I give them a couple of choices about what they have for meals (prior to cooking) saying you can have X or Y (from things I know they like).
3. I don’t overload their plates but they know more is available if they want it.
4. Bits and bobs, plates with lots of little things on, tiny sandwiches, a cube of cheese, a few cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks, a few crisps, not too much and enticing.
5. If they are unwell they eat what they want.
6. Yoghurt and fruit are offered when they’ve eaten a reasonable amount of food.
7. We eat together, even if I want to eat later I sit with them and have a cuppa, meals are sociable occasions we enjoy together.
8. I don’t make a big deal of it if they don’t eat - they won’t starve.
They are 8, 5 and 3 and the above seems to work well, but maybe I am just blessed with lovely Grandchildren ?

I would cook something I know they really like but not for them, just give them bread and butter.88)))77

I think that there are lots of ways to deal with this and some good suggestions here. What is important is not to allow meal times to become a battle ground. Young children need to find their feet and find their place in the family – and society in general – and trying to be in control is one of those things they explore. As adults tend to be quite concerned about eating properly, healthily and regularly, children can perceive meal times as a productive battle ground. Accept that there are certain things that they don't like – there are certain things adults dislike – and just go ahead. If they don't eat anything, that's okay. They will eat something else later. But, whatever you do, don't plead, don't look worried.

My dgd (4) became very fussy at about 2 - before that she’d eat anything. Her mother would always eat anything, and her father’s very unfussy, so I wasn’t expecting it.

Gds is not quite as bad.

However when they’re with me, I just give them what I know they like - I can’t be doing with food hassles. Left to themselves and not forced, or mealtimes made a ‘thing’ of, I dare say they’ll grow out of it. They usually need to eat earlier than grown up dinner so it’s not a big deal - we hardly ever have big cooked meals at lunchtime anyway.

A younger sister of mine was incredibly fussy - I used to sit for hours, trying to coax her, and she’s still v picky at over 60, so I dare say it wasn’t the best way.

I think it’s hard, when you go out of your way to produce a meal they’ve asked for, and it still isn’t right, it’s the wrong type of chips, the sausages are horrible, etc
My husband the main cook, gets a bit frustrated with her, but after ten years, I just don’t think it’s worth a battle, I just say, fine, don’t eat it then.
The two I’ve had this week will eat anything!

Glad your not in my family Frognan poor grandkids

I think by far the best way is to allow them to plate it themselves then leave it all alone if they eat good if they don’t eat fine ...no pressure
I was a dreadful eater as a child and I can remember being fed with ‘here comes a train open the tunnel’ no idea how old I was but I remember meat going round and round in my mouth for what seemed like hours and ending with me quietly spitting it into my hand

I remember sitting in the lunch hall at primary school (for what seemed like hours) missing playtime for refusing to finish my meal.

What did it teach me? A lifelong resentment of authority, an iron will, a determination to never back down - all pretty useful later on!

It didn't teach me to eat up. I never could eat it, but I ate really well at home. The big 'problem' was that I was stick thin, just like all the kids in my family!

We had our DGDs over Christmas. Aged 8 and 11. Both used to eat well but have now turned fussy. Both eating different things. Younger DGD had plain pasta for Christmas dinner. Their parents have taken the line of if you don’t eat it you won’t get anything else. They’re both very thin. Hopefully its a phase!

Bluebelle

I have similar memories, mainly about meat, which I just couldn’t swallow. I eat very little meat now, but in a restaurant, I’ll never have poultry even, because that panic about not being able to swallow it comes back.

We only ever eat a main meal in the middle of the day on the Sundays when DS and Dil come, as they like to have a Sunday lunch, and enjoy it as they don’t do it at home. DiL’s parents do the same.

I want them to all have a nice time when they come here and the children used to enjoy the meals too before the fussiness started, so perhaps I’m just a bit disappointed.

I didn’t make a battleground of mealtimes when my DSs were little, and I’m not going to now, so I’m happy I’ve had so many replies and suggestions. I understand what it’s like to be afraid of eating away from home, so I certainly won’t let it get to that stage.

The meal only takes about 45 mins out of the 4 hours they are here anyway and the rest of the time is lovely. We have great play times and they are lovely children. They aren’t spoilt, share, play together well and are extremely kind children, especially to my 91 yr old father with Alzheimer’s.

Isn’t that funny Sara I couldn’t swallow meat either I can remember it so clearly it would could round and round then get spat out I ve not been much of a meat eater all my life and now only eat a bit of chicken a few times a year if I m out to lunch

Bluebelle

Yes, I can still remember the choking and crying, with my parents getting more and more annoyed.

I’d never attempt to eat chicken in public, because I have this big fear of being unable to swallow it.

I was given smaller portions which I was expected to eat especially when rationing was still around and my own children always ate what they had on their plates and have never been fussy. However the GC are awful eaters and I find this very difficult to handle; their friends who join us eat well so it's not as though I'm poisoning them. The GC seem to just want to eat junk food which we have occasionally as a treat but they seem to take it as the norm. Still, they seem to enjoy coming to us but Grandad is the main attraction - not the food!

Lots of good advice here. The children are very young, and it could just be a phase. Don't make an issue of it, especially if the parents aren't bothered. Some of the upset on the part of the Poster could be because she has cooked a delicious meal, and therefore feels as 'rejected' as the food. Advice I was given decades ago by a Health Visitor was if your child is awkward at feeding times, offer them ready made meals for a while, so you don't take the rejection personally. Have to admit, this is what I sometimes do with my GDs, who are a wee bit older than these two girls. I buy in their own choice of M&S ready meals, and keep them in the freezer until needed.
So basically, as most of us are saying, don't panic and don't fuss. Enjoy their company while you have it.

Maremia

You’re right, I think my husband finds it irritating, when he’s tried to give her what’s she’s asked for, but she not only won’t eat it, but loudly pronounces that it’s disgusting!

We’ve seen her behave the same at home, so it’s not just us, Sometimes her brother may say to me that she hasn’t eaten anything all day, I just say, well I doubt she’ll die if malnutrition in a day, it’s just not worth the battle.

Also, I think she enjoys the fuss and attention, so best to ignore her.

My health visitor said 'There are no food fads in poor homes' How right she was! My DD almost drove me insane with her food refusal as a small child, and in the end I just gave her a small plate of a few healthy items, and ignored any complaints, as she would readily eat all the wrong things if given half a chance! I regret so much that I got into a state about it and made mealtimes so tense, but I quickly learned that ignoring the behaviour and not offering anything else worked so well. If the GC start complaining I simply take the plate away, quite calmly and with a smile and say perhaps they would like to sit with us and have a chat?

I remember one very fraught day serving up dinner, my youngest, then about eight, said she hated it, so with no discussion I tipped her untouched meal into the bin and we all proceeded to eat our meal. She still remembers it .

My older grandchildren have always been good eaters. I put it down to the nursery they both went to as babies, which served only vegetarian food. They got used to trying all sorts of different things.
My youngest grandchild aged four is a different matter, but I blame her mother, ( not to her face, of course) who makes such a fuss over her meals. She does not cook, and went in for child led weaning, but I think she must have limited her daughter’s exposure to a narrow choice of foods. The proper meals we offer seem unfamiliar to her. Her mum gives a running commentary on the meal, instead of just letting her get on with what is on offer.
The less notice taken, the better, I feel.