Missing a birthday card from my DS for the first time

I have a wonderful DD - who never forgets my birthday, but I don't always get a card -she always phones and I see her on the day or around the day. No problem if I don't get a card - I would much rather see or speak to her.

My younger son, although knowing I love getting cards, never sends me a birthday or mother's day card, I'll get the occasional Christmas card though. This Christmas I decided to give him a recycled card, as in one I'd given him a previous year, and when he went home he took it with him, apparently so that I couldn't give it to him again, lol.

A lot of young people don't do lots of things anymore. They are so preoccupied with themselves! Sorry to sound so negative but I really think many of us would be happier if we would only realise that.

Young people just don't do cards anymore- unless it is Moonpig on the Internet.

Personally I think you are over reacting, I’m certain I’ve never had a card or present from my adult son, unless one of his sisters tags his name on.

I don’t know why he’s like he is, but he never acknowledges any of our birthdays, I used to buy him cards to send his sisters, but I’ve given up on that!

I don’t think it’s worth getting upset about.

I love getting cards but I understand that younger people especially men often don't care that much about them. one of my sons didn't send a card but gave me a big hug, which was much nicer. The other son sent one 5 days late. Your son obviously cares for you so don't be too upset by what to him is
probably a meaningless outdated gesture. He will have no idea how much a card means to you

We don't do presents for adults on birthdays or Christmas but still send cards and I must say we do seem to put some thought into them and appreciate them. I still get a bit tearful thinking on DD's birthday last year, which was 8 days after DH's funeral after his sudden passing, as she asked me not to send a card as she could't cope with just seeing my name on the card. I sent one this year without asking as I knew she would be okay. Everyone is different and a card can mean a lot as does a visit.

My son is very diligent at card sending/ bringing... present bringing as well... my daughter not so much..,. she is a busy mum with two kids ... a full time job and a consultancy which takes her away from home...sometimes ‘dates’ pass her by. My son is single with no kids and just one job and himself to think off. I do not discrimate or judge....I just accept them for what they are. Sometimes ( not always) she’ll rush in and say
sorry for forgetting my birthday, give me a bunch of pressies and a card, and apologise again , spend an hour and disappear again. She’s not ‘gushy’ , I know she loves and respects me, and I enjoy my late pressie and laugh at an always appropriate card. It’s what it is. I will never lose sleep over any of it.

Joanny, do not ask why you have not had a card! Tell him what you did on the day by all means. He hasn't sent one so nothing will alter that now. H still may give you one which will be lovely. But if not, well hold your tongue please. Nothing good will come of it, believe me!!

Well telling him he didn’t send you a card is making a big thing over it nankate
There’s people on here who haven’t seen their children and grandchildren for years, it’s a big overreaction and absolutely nothing to feel slighted over
He visited surely that’s the important bit a card and a visit and a present would be too perfect for most sons and a lot of daughters too ?
don’t sweat the small stuff as they say

Nankate,

So your advice is send a text to the son asking him why he didn't give his mother a card, as if scolding a child?

You bet it won't go well

I would text or email him as follows.

‘just checking you are ok as I have not had a Bday card from you as usual. Your dad and I did x, y and z on the day etc etc’.

Don’t make a big deal over it, just write as if you are surprised not to hear.

Don't really understand why a card is so important if he came to dinner with his girlfriend. I'd far sooner mine paid a visit than sent a card. Probably didn't bother as he knew you would be away so wouldn't receive it on your birthday.

I rarely get cards from my adult dds. Occasionally I'll get a mothers day one but as for bday & Xmas forget it. The younger generation just don't seem to do cards anymore. It used to upset me but me & DH are used to it now (I do always ask the little dgc to do us one) This is the last Xmas for giving everyone cards. I cut down a couple of years ago to just immediate family & we donate to charity instead but next year I'm only doing parents & dds & dgc just aren't interested. Give it another decade & I honestly think cards will be a thing of the past ?

I understand why you feel hurt, but I do think you are overreacting. That said, we probably all do overreact about this sort of thing.

This is the first time your son has forgotten to give you a card, so I think you can assume it will turn up when he gets round to carrying out his promise to do something to celebrate your birthday.

If you don't get a card, ask him casually if he wants to stop sending you one? I find the price of cards quite ridiculous and don't usually send them, but send an e-mail instead.

Joanny A lot of sons don't remember birthdays. It's really not that big a thing for them, but he came to see you and that's far more important. Try not to take it to heart.

It's easy to say oh don't be upset as some people have said but when we love and care for family we do feel upset so be upset and own the feeling. I can understand when you say both elderly parents have dementia so no card comes from them, many years ago my late mother did not get me a card one year said she forgot and I was upset anyway she sent my daughter to the shops and their was a card for me in the evening which cheered me up.
I have 3 AC and 3 GC two of my children never send cards or mothers day card. I always done a lot for D with the G.C. and never a birthday card or Christmas card from the grand-children to me not even a small present and I know that it may be getting old fashioned to do cards but it is a token of acknowledgement and if family know you appreciate it so much then it does not hurt to send a card, younger generation are getting selfish as far as I am concerned.

Then let him know say im looking forward to receiving my card why keep silent .
You know its not intentional

Definitely a generational thing. In my family, cards were sent to people you couldn’t visit. Otherwise personal greetings negated the need. These days, a text or email, occasional a phone call are the substitute. A social media message seems to satisfy the younger ones.
Which would you prefer? Card or visit? Seems today communication has changed rapidly. If a younger person has become used to communicating via text, email or social media, they’re more likely to forget about cards or actively choose not to buy or send them?

Another tradition that is dying out, sending cards. Don't be upset, its the way of the world. You DS did visit beforehand so accept that as his acknowledge your birthday. I have given up on cards as what do we do with them? In the recycling bin! Even stopped saving social ones as I know when I either move or depart this earth they will be cleared out. Unless of course I had one signed by some significant person in which case it will be sold!

I am split between old school and new school. I am 62 and fully expect my ‘children’ and husband to send me birthday and Mother’s Day cards respectively, the only days they actually convey their gratitude (or otherwise!) of a wife/mother. Yes it’s only a piece of paper, but I would be equally grateful and happy if it was just a post it note saying thanks for ?.... I hold a lot of relevance in the card they chose as well and when it was my 60th I gave specific instructions that I would rather have no card than one that specified the age (as in my head I’m still a lot younger and don’t want to see in print that I’m probably 3/4 of the way through my lifespan!) and the only person who felt it necessary to get an age card was my husband (fool!) so it went straight in the bin! Call me ungrateful if you will but it’s not like I didn’t give 3 months notice of this. I’m not bothered about Christmas cards or any other celebration cards, but I always make sure I send cards to elderly friends and relatives because they hold such high store on receiving cards and it’s only ‘an piece of paper’ that brings them such joy to know they are being thought of. If everyone stopped sending cards (and I’m sure the dwindling will continue with the millennium children) all the card shops will close down and texts/emails/tweets will be the only form of celebration we share with each other. It’s sad but it’s called progress!

I agree it is disappointing. I value and appreciate cards too, but I am just glad that they remember my birthday on time. Going out for a meal is even better!
Recently I read something helpful: about the need to accept
( over something you cannot change ) that that is the way it is. You could apply this eg to text messages instead of cards. Even more so to health.
Accepting this reduces hurt and disappointment and resentment.

I don’t think it’s a big issue - he probably has no idea how important it is to you - but do tell him, you sound close enough and unless he knows it upset you he may think it doesn’t matter.

He did not ignore your birthday though. He should have given you a card but if he hasn't yet contacted you about doing something, remind him.
I think in ten year's time virtually no one will be sending cards soon.
My cousin sent me a letter saying that he was not sending cards any more because of the ecology - and put it in a card! I think he did the same last year too.
I understand the upset too. My 65th was pretty well ignored by people I thought would remember and it upset me more than I would have expected it to.
It's done now though and there isn't really anything you can do about it.

My youngest son ( 40now) has never given me any sort of card that I can remember and only the occasional gift. He lives in NZ now and the only time I get gifts is if he comes back for a visit. When he was married his wife used to organise gifts but I knew it was her so they didn’t have same value. I’ve given up being hurt by it, I know he loves me and that’s all that matters.