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Missing a birthday card from my DS for the first time

(107 Posts)
Joanny Sat 04-Jan-20 15:17:41

I have received lots of wishes on fb from all of my friends for my 65th birthday and cards from my husband’s family but for the very first time I haven’t received one from my DS. He came to dinner with his girlfriend a couple of days prior to my birthday but didn’t bring it. He knew my DH was taking me for a dinner and overnight stay on my birthday and did say could we meet up at some point in the near future to do something for my birthday but didn’t pop a card through the letter box while we were gone. I am beyond sad because my elderly parents both have dementia and so nothing comes from them, my only sibling died 25 yrs ago so obviously nothing there as there used to be so My DS’s card is extremely important to me and would still be even if I did have other family. His would still be the most important to me. I’m not worried about a present or anything but devastated there is no card. 😢😢 Am I over reacting?

grannymy Sat 04-Jan-20 15:19:11

Could it still be in the post?

Joanny Sat 04-Jan-20 15:22:00

No don’t think so. He’s never posted one in his life. Always handed it to me.

Grammaretto Sat 04-Jan-20 15:38:55

I am sorry you set so much store by the token of a card. He may have something on his mind and just forgotten but he came to see you. You had his company which is far more important.
I accidentally sent my DS 2 Christmas cards this year. The dear boy took a photo of them both which he sent with a message asking me when he could expect his third! You just have to smile.

Happy Birthday!!! sunshine

B9exchange Sat 04-Jan-20 15:50:28

Unfortunately I think younger generations see cards as old fashioned and unnecessary, they don't do Christmas cards anymore. If he mentioned doing something later for your birthday and sticks to that, then he is showing he has remembered.

I have one son who announced he is not going to do birthdays or Christmas for adults any more, and last year I didn't get any acknowledgement of birthday or Mother's Day, which really hurt, but nothing I can do. Perhaps when you do meet up he will give you a belated one, but be reassured that he remembered. I do feel for you, it does hurt flowers

Joanny Sat 04-Jan-20 16:00:01

Thank you.

timetogo2016 Sat 04-Jan-20 16:01:35

It`s a card Joannie.
Don`t take it to hear the fact that he had lunch with you shows he loves you and that`s priceless.
You may even receive it today,

sodapop Sat 04-Jan-20 16:09:19

Yes timetogo is right, its just a card, your son spent time with you which is much more important I think Joanny. Cards are not so important to our children any more, don't get this out of proportion.

Happy birthday thanks

rosenoir Sat 04-Jan-20 16:29:09

Due to Facebook and texts cards seem to be a thing of the past.

Maybe you could tell him how important it still is to you,he probably thought the dinner before and planned dinner when you were back are enough.

wildswan16 Sat 04-Jan-20 16:31:12

I understand you are upset, but what is a bit of paper? Your son (plus girlfriend) have been to see you and spend time with you - I suspect he didn't imagine for one minute that he would be seen as unfeeling because he didn't spend £2 on a bit of paper and an envelope !

I have three sons - two of them would never dream of spending their money on an extortionately expensive piece of paper with a picture on it. But they do wish me Happy Birthday by phone or email or text depending where they are. That means so much more to me.

Floradora9 Sat 04-Jan-20 16:32:23

I hardly ever get a card from my DS but this does not make me think he does not appreciate me.

tanith Sat 04-Jan-20 16:38:29

I don’t think my son has sent me card for 20 yrs it’s just not something he does. Don’t feel bad as the others have said he’s been to see you far more important than a card.

Joanny Sat 04-Jan-20 16:42:00

Thank you everyone and of course you are right. I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.

cornergran Sat 04-Jan-20 17:11:25

Try not to let this upset you Joanny, your son may hand a card over when he sees you or he may not, it doesn’t mean he loves you less. You see him regularly, that’s priceless.

lucywinter Sat 04-Jan-20 17:15:17

You are not making a mountain out of a molehill. I think that is very sad. flowers

anna7 Sat 04-Jan-20 17:30:19

My sons don't always send a card but they always buy me a present for my birthday. They never send any Christmas cards. They just think cards are a waste of money. Like others have said the younger generation dont seem to bother the same with cards. I am sure your son doesn't mean to upset you Joanny. He probably doesn't realise it is important to you.

BlueBelle Sat 04-Jan-20 18:10:42

Oh dear please don’t get upset over a card it really means nothing at all My eldest and grandkids always each send me individual cards Christmas and birthdays
My son probably wouldn’t if his wife didn’t but I get one from all of them together
My youngest daughter ‘doesn’t do cards’ so neither do her children so no cards from them
Same with Mother’s Day, three children only one card 😥 as son is in another country that has a different Mother’s Day and as I said before youngest just doesn’t do them

SueH49 Sun 05-Jan-20 06:33:53

I didn't get a card from either of my sons for my recent 70th birthday but both came to see me and gave me a present. DS2 made the comment "you have a present but no card". Did not upset me one little bit as it meant so much more that they made the effort to visit.

Fiachna50 Sun 05-Jan-20 08:27:39

My youngest never sends cards but always phones or texts on birthdays and sends or gives me a gift. I do find it sad that the art of sending cards is fading. I think it is one of the last nice traditions and for me I miss not getting cards. This Christmas I noticed a reduction in cards sent to us. People do prefer just to text or message. Having said this Royal Mail haven't helped as postage is expensive. It was £1.45 for each card I sent to USA this year. Not big cards either. Honestly, do not take it to heart. There are many reasons folk don't post cards now some economical and others environmental.

Newquay Sun 05-Jan-20 08:36:40

I agree, cards are on the way out-very expensive and just more landfill. Meeting up far better if possible

suzied Sun 05-Jan-20 08:51:19

He knew you were going away for your birthday so probably thought not much point sending a card as you wouldn’t be getting it on the day. You saw him for a meal before and you’ll be seeing him again soon. Which is more important?

Sparkling Sun 05-Jan-20 08:59:05

I understand you being upset, but he did come and see you which is far more important, he knew you were going away do didn't bother , not realising how important it is to you.💐

Hetty58 Sun 05-Jan-20 08:59:27

It's just paper! If you hadn't seen or heard from him then you'd be justifiably upset. Yes - you are overreacting!

maryhoffman37 Sun 05-Jan-20 09:21:07

I don't think you are overreacting! I would be upset too.

leyla Sun 05-Jan-20 09:29:42

I would be upset too. He prob doesn’t have a clue how important it is to you. You have to gently let him know. Pick the right moment to say it.