Missing a birthday card from my DS for the first time

I've never received cards from all my four sons, but I do get text messages and occasionally taken out to dinner on birthdays etc. I just accept it as I know they all love me.

Thank you all and thank you Twig14. You have my sympathy. I know they all have their own lives to lead but you have made me see how lucky I am. I guess I was being selfish.

Dear Joanne
It’s my birthday today no card from my DS or his two children. Like you my two elderly parents one with dementia and in hospital and the other very frail both aged 99. I never see or hear from my sister but I have a wonderful daughter who tomorrow is flying out to Dubai to live and join her husband who has a job in Fujheiria. Obviously with the worrying situation in the Middle East I’m not concerned about a missing card. Your DS has probably completely forgotten and you do get to see him. Sadly my DS and two grandchildren live in Tokyo. When my DD goes I won’t have family here. Cheer up and hope you have a nice birthday.

I can understand, I think, Joany. Both my son and my daughter send lovely, thoughtfully chosen cards which I enjoy and look forward to receiving. I do notice if they are late or occasionally don't arrive at all but recognise that they have busy lives and major worries in this troubled world so try not to mind...

My elder DS is very careless about birthday cards, and even remembering birthdays. I do like to get cards, it’s nice to be remembered.
Still, he lives abroad, so it’s hard to time the posting. I know he loves me and is regularly in touch, so I try not to bother too much.
You see your son regularly, so you know he cares about you.
So many people have sadly not got regular contact with their children.
Forget it for this year, just give a gentle reminder next year. It probably won’t be necessary anyway.
Hope you enjoyed the time away with your DH.

I understand that it’s just a piece of paper with a picture on it but I still like getting birthday cards. I always keep mine up for a week.
I would quite honestly rather have a £2 card than a present if I had to choose, so I would be upset if I didn’t get any.

I know it may seem nothing to some people but I know how you feel Joanny as he has always given you one before. For the first time ever I have not received a Christmas card from my eldest DS. I live abroad. It's most puzzling and I suppose could be lost in the post. But maybe it was because I didnt send a birthday card to his youngest as I was receiving cancer treatment at the time and they were going to be abroad for his birthday so would a one year old know anyway. But at least you met up with your son beforehand and he mentioned doing something together later so I wouldn't worry too much about the card. It may just have slipped his mind.

It is lovely. But I totally sympathise with why Joanny felt upset. I love keeping all my cards from birthdays and Christmases. I date them all so I can go back and reminisce in later years.
Like many posters here my children (also I think this comes from the Dils who are both eco conscious) have requested not to be gifted gifts at Christmas and birthdays. They still give us presents though as they know it’s still important to us.

That’s lovely dillythe gardener my eldest son has a very considerate wife and I know it’s her that buys my things too. Second son just goes last minute but does turn up every time on my birthday.

What lovely, thoughtful DiL’s you must have
Dillythe Gardener

Whoops posted too early
What I’m getting at is my boys still love me the same as they did before, it’s just that cards/gifts are not something they naturally think of to organise. I understand though. We women put so much work into doing nice things for others, and it’s so lovely to receive it back.

I very rarely received cards or thoughtful gifts until DILs arrived on the scene. Now I receive gorgeous jewellery, candles etc and often handmade cards from the elder one. I know it’s not my boys even though the dils pretend they didn’t organise it for my two sons.

Joanny NO! you are not silly! You are just like so many of us on here, kind, caring and like to do things that please people. You then struggle with understanding as to why others are not the same that's all.

Thanks everybody for taking the time to reply. I was being silly.

My mum loves to receive a card, I know this and always send her one. I also love to receive a card as it shows thought.

Yes, I see why you're upset but, if you have a good relationship with him, I'd not say anything too harsh. You know his temperament. If he is the sort to anger quickly, I'd put things very tactfully.

If he's usually good to you, that is far more important.

I think if you had been told they aren't doing cards after this year,then you wouldn't think you were getting one. Which means the last card you received you could put up as a reminder of the love between you. I did that after my brother and mum passed so I have that bit of them on my day.
Christmas cards too. A hug from me?

Merryweather

It’s a nice thought, but I’m absolutely certain my sons not driven by concerns about the environment, he just can’t be bothered.

For those of you who disagree with my tactics that is fine. I just said that is what I would do. Knowing my son as I do he would come back with ‘sorry mum, lots going on, see you soon’. End of.

I give cards but don't receive them from my other half. If my mom didn't buy them from my children I wouldn't get one.
I think they are being fazed out by the generations due to the environmental impact rather than lack of thought or feeling toward the recipient.
I'm mindful of who appreciates cards and send them cards for appropriate occasions.
I hope you had a lovely birthday x

I think my son, a very good man in many ways, just would never be bothered. He’s the same with cards he’s given, never even bothers to open them.

In fact, I did choose him a nice card for Christmas, but thought what’s the point of even giving it to him, so it went on the fire today.

I don’t care for myself, but I think he could at least acknowledge his nieces and nephews birthdays, but we just all accept he can be a miserable git at times.

He didn't bring it before your birthday, probably just slid in a crevice somewhere and he has forgotten about it that's all x

It's due to technology. Old paper and pen is going the way of the dinosaurs. People think a text, email or in-person contact is good. I personally HATE junk in my house. I.dont want a card unless there is a well thought out, deeply personal message. Otherwise, keep the paper on the trees and the clutter out of my space. It's going into recycling anyway.

It does seem to us of a certain age that some of the younger generation seem to take a hard line with things that mean so much to us and it is hurtful, I would feel the same as you. Everything is moving too fast and it just makes me feel nostalgic.

Let him know without being over the top. It was probably an oversight. No guilt-tripping. We can't outsource our happiness.