Am I right to put up with all of this?

I can't believe that anyone would tolerate that behaviour for 15 years. Time to go I think!

Please, please, talk to Women’s Aid. You don’t have to do anything right now. Just talking is a start. Here’s the link again.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

You deserve better than living in this sad way. Time to take a deep breath, and be brave. Best of luck x

Thanks SueDonim.

Please talk to Women's Aid. You need to leave this abusive relationship. I was married to a 'charmer', many years ago and left with my two babies, and never looked back! Good luck!

Thank you Patsy70. I am not on GN to moan as has been suggested, I just have no one to confide in and speaking on here was my first move so to speak.

So, you've made the first move and told us Gransnetters what's been going on for the last 15 years.
Every reply has told you the same thing, that this is not right and that you must get help.
You can do it!

I can and I will do it!

Although there seems to be a current trend to label things, I'm getting the "narcissist" bell ringing, especially with regard to the fact so many other people find him "charming".

You could very well be right there Phoenix.

Londonwifi, I'm sure you're frightened- But as we age it doesn't get any easier on the "brain", and someone who already has a history of aggressive behavior like your husband could lose his temper and potentially harm you- Simply put, living in fear is no way to grow old-

I do believe, sincerely, that people will attempt to take advantage of kind-hearted individuals- But the kindest of individuals won't let them, because they've learned to be kind to themselves first, and won't allow others to take advantage of them-

Good luck going forward

The Charm Syndrome - type this into Amazonbooks and it will give you a list as long as your arm, of books about controlling and dangerous men.
Please ring Women's Aid tomorrow and get away from this horrible man.
You have all of us behind you now!

Everyone so kind on here. You have so spurned me on.

www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

Again, I don't want to bang on about narcissism, but it may be worth reading, just because it can be an eye opener, if nothing else.

Please google my threads and msg me I'm in exactly same situation

Ok Sandy2020

I saw your responses you see exact same situation btw my removal van is booked!!!I'll pm u xxx

Londonwifi looking at your posts you dont get on with your husbands friends and family .......same as me!!!and are unhappy follow your own advice if u cannot go now plan and go in the future I've pm you and appreciate not everyone likes to pm but here if u need to rant good luck and get planning xxx

Good luck Sandy

Good luck, Sandy!

You are in an abusive relationship. Please get professional help and get rid of this pig. You just cannot go on like this.

I think you should talk to your son, mine was the same age when I divorced my second husband. He managed to be very supportive to me without ever taking sides. He works for the same company as the ex and still talks to him in passing but the ex has lost a fabulous step son who he thought more of than his own kids, his loss. I never wanted him to take sides but he was a sounding board throughout, kept me on track to see the whole thing through without making outrageous demands etc. Get legal advice, get proof of your husbands income and investments etc if any and see a solicitor. Do it, I've never regretted it.

Good luck, Sandy! I'll pm you, Londonwifi x

It's one thing to be polite, quite another to put up w/ abusive behavior. I wouldn't stop being polite and considerate, etc. ordinarily. But if someone is rude or hurtful, please call them out on it. Even just a simple, "What could you possibly have meant by that?" might suffice. H's cruel "joke" should have been met w/ the silent treatment or something of that sort. No matter if he expected you to act as if nothing happened. He needs to know he can't have that.

But mostly, I agree you need to develop a life outside of him and a circle of good friends. Also, I agree you need to seek legal and psychological counsel - w/ the aim of getting out of this situation. Please remember, also, we're here for you!

Meanwhile, my deepest condolences on the loss of your dear sibling. Also, sorry about your parents' dementia. And very sorry you are in this abusive situation. Hugs!

Please leave. Women’s Aid will help you. I left a controlling husband after a very long marriage, mine escalated into violence, be very careful about what you say before you leave but get out. I am in my 60’s and have a lovely new life. Your son will support you if you talk to him, my daughters were outraged and were wonderful to me. You mention his friends do you have any of your own?