Non Molestation Order , any had any dealings with one.

Trike
After a similar experience with my daughter I understand how worried you are . Just keep trying to talk to her and support her in any way you can . You cannot make her leave until she's ready . I'm surprised that children's services were nor involved when the police were called as when there are children are involved they usually get involved . Its not easy knowing that your daughter is not in a good relationship and I will be thinking of you as I know it will consume your life too . Take care

It would be wonderful if anyone has some advice for me. I used to work for a Women's Aid group with a refuge so I have some experience I dealing with the subject. However, my daughter disclosed that her husband had been violent to her about 4 years previously, and the police were called...told her to leave! Not so simple, with two young children.

He has continued to be physically, on occasion, but constantly emotionally abusive. It is now nine months since she declared that she would divorce him. We have, obviously, told her that we would support her in whatever she chooses to do. I have given her contacts so that she can get up to date legal and financial advice, which she says she will follow up, but never does . Her communication with us is intermittent, and I have found out that she has totally cut off contact with her two best friends of 20 and 40years. She lives about 20 minutes drive from us, and since my husband and I have had the vaccine, we had hoped to try to see her and the children. However, in no uncertain terms, we were told to stay away, not to come to the house. This is not the person any of us know. She always said that she would never ever put up with abuse.

I imagine that she is ground down, probably depressed, not able to contemplate to process of the means of moving on, and could be pre menopausal. But she promises to let us come over, but always has an excuse. She works from home, so speaks to clients. However, the only person she allows contact with her, is her abuser, who she describes as a monster.

I know that she will only do something when she chooses, but I am desperately worried about her and the children, who are not in school, at the moment, and don't know if there is anything I can do.

Having been through something very similar my advice would be to stop responding to the text messages at all. In replying she fuels his vendetta of abuse. Men like this believe their anger is justified and they blame everyone but themselves. In my case the police did take details of the abusive messages and log the threatening phone calls, ie when my ex threatened to come round and smash the door in, in the middle of the night (even though his kids were asleep in the house). Your dd will get through this traumatic time in her life with your support and love but I would follow the advice given above and go back to the police, find the right department and get these messages on record. Wishing your dd strength and hope - this time will pass Xx

I would change your number, he kept trying to contact me even after the court case, I changed it o police advice. I took my ex husband to court for domestic violence/ abuse. I got a 5 year restraining order and he was convicted of assault . Victim support and Women’s Aid were amazing ! I had varying response from the police some good some not so good, my ex husband was a very good manipulative liar . I wish you well don’t give up.

Get her to screen shot the messages and save them then block him from everything and set privacy settings to private, DD got lots of help from Woman's Aid. She had the police round last night and they advised video doorbell. (not the subscription one). Also to call them if she was frightened at all at any time. And they checked doors and windows for security. Go back to police station with either yourself or trusted friend.

This thread was started over a year ago.
I hope the OP’s DD has managed to deal with the problem by now

get rid of the mobile phone or change your number.

if you don't have a mobile phone or he doesn't have your number you wont have any abusive messages to record will you.

bikergran I would advise your DD to ring 101 and ask to speak to the domestic violence unit. The police now are all about special units and the bobby in the police station isn't always the best person to approach. Alteratively she could e-mail them. If she puts the name of your police force and domestic violence into a search engine there should be a form to fill in.

Definitely return to the police and request a meeting with someone from the trained domestic abuse/harrassment team. Urgently!

At least with a mobile you have a record of any abusive messages . A video doorbell is also a good idea for evidence . Women shouldn't have to put up with abusive men but in my families experience it still seems that a lot if men get away with what they have done as after being abused you are not in a good place and not strong enough to go to court . Its appalling how many men get away with it and then still torment their ex as punishment for leaving them . I know there might be people who don't agree but unless someone close to you has been a victim you have no idea how it impacts your life

Destroy all mobile phones and use landline, less trouble.
I've never known in all my life that such devices have been the cause of soooooo much trouble.

I'd probably be on my own if I made a protest about the pesky things.

just do not reply to the 'abusive texts emails etc. don't feed into it!

I am going back nearly thirty years things might be different now. My husband at the time was mentally and physically abusive towards me. We were separated but he would not leave me alone. I had him arrested a dozen times on different occasions. The police were supportive but it did not deter him from turning up and threatening me.
I eventually got a restraining order against him. I had a very supportive solicitor and went to family court to ensure he only had minimum access to the children.

Advice here www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/
f the police won't act you can take a civil action against him.
Good luck

have a look on MN, OP. there is lots of advice on there.

Womens Aid are the best people to advise you. I have nothing but praise for them as they have helped my daughter immensely. In my honest opinion the police are not much use at all and don't seem to take it seriously . Hope you get it sorted as I know how stressful this can be for the family and we have had several years of problems with ex partner

I work in a related area and would suggest Womens Aid or NCDV (the national centre for domestic violence), the latter are excellent and can assist with all legal matters.

The person on the desk needs more training and should not have been allowed to deal with the public who may come in in a distressed state.
Your DD should complain in writing otherwise this will continue to happen to others.
There is some good advice on here what her next steps should be.

I hope she finds the help she needs.

The experts for advice will be your local Women's Aid Group. You can contact them by telephone. They will know all about the practical and legal steps your DD can take. They undoubtedly will have a liaison person within the local Police Force, who can take up your complaint.

Like cherrytree said I would ask on mumsnet. I am not a member but had a peek when it was mentioned on here.
I know someone who would have been helped if good advice was available, before mumsnet.

The pc or whoever was around 20yrs so maybe a community sort of police person.No experience of things as yet.

Thankyou all for your replies, I will pass on to dd, shes not much fight left in her at the mo, but she will spring back up as that what we do. thanks again.

Yes she keeps all msgs.

I attended a talk on domestic abuse and the person on the desk was totally out of order and should be reported. If she isn’t pulled up on her attitude she will continue giving the same inappropriate information. I would send a letter of complaint with copies to my MP, local council, GP and anyone else who comes within this remit.

Talk to Citizen's Advice.

I think the best thing would be for your daughter to avail herself of the free half hour initial consultation most solicitors offer these days. They are often telephone consultations. Your daughter would be able to describe the problem and get advice on what steps could be taken legally to try to stop the emotional abuse. There’s something called a Prohibited Steps Order but I don’t know enough to advise on whether one would be appropriate here.

Good luck.