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Non Molestation Order , any had any dealings with one.

(31 Posts)
bikergran Wed 05-Feb-20 15:08:21

Dd is having constand abusive txt , emails ,msgs for over the 2 year seperation.

Today dd went to local police station to ask is therer anything that can be done{long story wont go into private details)

Not Physical abuse but mental.

Young police person didn't seem interested in helping, she but it down to "Bickering"! hmmm I don't think so

Just wondering if anyone has any experience of this order.

Will pop back later, thanks in advance.

Cherrytree59 Wed 05-Feb-20 15:57:49

Bikergran did your daughter ask for her complaint to be logged?

Has your daughter been in touch with Womens refuge?
They can often give advice on what to do next re this type of harassment.

I would advise your daughter to keep all text, emails etc.

Mumsnet is also good for this type of advice.
Posting on the active forum
under legal or relationship headings.

Good luck shamrock

Lolo81 Wed 05-Feb-20 17:32:22

I am not in the legal field, therefore am only sharing what I have read, however I am fairly sure that in the U.K. there was an extension to what is classified as domestic abuse in the last couple of years. It includes emotional abuse, such as causing fear, isolating from family, sharing private pictures and the like. As these messages are from an ex partner then perhaps she could enquire as to whether they fall under the remit of this new law? The only caution I’d advise is to go through the messages and ensure that there are no reactions from your daughter to her ex that would also be considered abusive (name calling etc) as this could open a whole can of worms for her. Wishing you and your daughter the best to get through this.

bikergran Wed 05-Feb-20 18:01:09

thanks all, just reading on about it.
Dd has always kept replies civil(knowing they could be brought up at any time) thanks for replies.

Iam64 Wed 05-Feb-20 18:39:54

bIker, Frustrating when a woman approaches the police and is responded to in this way. Yes, save every message, never respond in anything other than calm way.
Most police services have dedicated teams working with domestic abuse. If your daughter was seen at the desk, it’s poss she saw a civilian or not a specialist officer. If so, locate your specialist da team and see them.
Also find a lawyer who specialises in private law cases. Especially if children are involved. No legal aid but if the lawyer sees it as abusive, there may be. Best of luck

M0nica Wed 05-Feb-20 18:54:57

Could she go back to the police station and ask to see a member of the domestic abuse team. They will have one. Alternatively complain to the local police commissioner. There will be a complaint system.

What the police officer/civilian worker said was completely out of court. It is not her job to decides whether something is abuse or not. Her job is to refer it to the Domestic Abuse team.

Grannytomany Wed 05-Feb-20 19:16:50

I think the best thing would be for your daughter to avail herself of the free half hour initial consultation most solicitors offer these days. They are often telephone consultations. Your daughter would be able to describe the problem and get advice on what steps could be taken legally to try to stop the emotional abuse. There’s something called a Prohibited Steps Order but I don’t know enough to advise on whether one would be appropriate here.

Good luck.

M0nica Wed 05-Feb-20 19:57:25

Talk to Citizen's Advice.

Sussexborn Wed 05-Feb-20 20:07:07

I attended a talk on domestic abuse and the person on the desk was totally out of order and should be reported. If she isn’t pulled up on her attitude she will continue giving the same inappropriate information. I would send a letter of complaint with copies to my MP, local council, GP and anyone else who comes within this remit.

bikergran Thu 06-Feb-20 09:20:26

Thankyou all for your replies, I will pass on to dd, shes not much fight left in her at the mo, but she will spring back up as that what we do. thanks again.

Yes she keeps all msgs.

bikergran Thu 06-Feb-20 09:21:44

The pc or whoever was around 20yrs so maybe a community sort of police person.No experience of things as yet.

QuaintIrene Thu 06-Feb-20 09:35:37

Like cherrytree said I would ask on mumsnet. I am not a member but had a peek when it was mentioned on here.
I know someone who would have been helped if good advice was available, before mumsnet.

Granny23 Thu 06-Feb-20 10:16:39

The experts for advice will be your local Women's Aid Group. You can contact them by telephone. They will know all about the practical and legal steps your DD can take. They undoubtedly will have a liaison person within the local Police Force, who can take up your complaint.

Callistemon Thu 06-Feb-20 10:31:59

The person on the desk needs more training and should not have been allowed to deal with the public who may come in in a distressed state.
Your DD should complain in writing otherwise this will continue to happen to others.
There is some good advice on here what her next steps should be.

I hope she finds the help she needs.

Dee1012 Thu 06-Feb-20 10:46:54

I work in a related area and would suggest Womens Aid or NCDV (the national centre for domestic violence), the latter are excellent and can assist with all legal matters.

Blue5 Tue 02-Feb-21 16:28:52

Womens Aid are the best people to advise you. I have nothing but praise for them as they have helped my daughter immensely. In my honest opinion the police are not much use at all and don't seem to take it seriously . Hope you get it sorted as I know how stressful this can be for the family and we have had several years of problems with ex partner

welbeck Tue 02-Feb-21 16:34:55

have a look on MN, OP. there is lots of advice on there.

trisher Tue 02-Feb-21 16:42:48

Advice here
f the police won't act you can take a civil action against him.
Good luck

Redhead56 Tue 02-Feb-21 17:12:01

I am going back nearly thirty years things might be different now. My husband at the time was mentally and physically abusive towards me. We were separated but he would not leave me alone. I had him arrested a dozen times on different occasions. The police were supportive but it did not deter him from turning up and threatening me.
I eventually got a restraining order against him. I had a very supportive solicitor and went to family court to ensure he only had minimum access to the children.

lemsip Tue 02-Feb-21 17:21:29

just do not reply to the 'abusive texts emails etc. don't feed into it!

EllanVannin Tue 02-Feb-21 18:31:12

Destroy all mobile phones and use landline, less trouble.
I've never known in all my life that such devices have been the cause of soooooo much trouble.

I'd probably be on my own if I made a protest about the pesky things.

Blue5 Tue 02-Feb-21 18:40:37

At least with a mobile you have a record of any abusive messages . A video doorbell is also a good idea for evidence . Women shouldn't have to put up with abusive men but in my families experience it still seems that a lot if men get away with what they have done as after being abused you are not in a good place and not strong enough to go to court . Its appalling how many men get away with it and then still torment their ex as punishment for leaving them . I know there might be people who don't agree but unless someone close to you has been a victim you have no idea how it impacts your life

Madgran77 Tue 02-Feb-21 19:01:06

Definitely return to the police and request a meeting with someone from the trained domestic abuse/harrassment team. Urgently!

trisher Tue 02-Feb-21 19:18:50

bikergran I would advise your DD to ring 101 and ask to speak to the domestic violence unit. The police now are all about special units and the bobby in the police station isn't always the best person to approach. Alteratively she could e-mail them. If she puts the name of your police force and domestic violence into a search engine there should be a form to fill in.

lemsip Tue 02-Feb-21 19:40:28

get rid of the mobile phone or change your number.

if you don't have a mobile phone or he doesn't have your number you wont have any abusive messages to record will you.