Step-daughters taking my DH out without me

I think it's a normal and kind thing to do in the circumstances. They were a family before you came along and you knew that. If they wish to bond for the odd day and remember their mother I think that is lovely for all of them.

You are with your DH every day and for 25 years, can you be generous of spirit and realise that other people have needs and feelings too. I think you are being over sensitive and selfish to be honest.

I knew a couple who married after the mans wife had died and she was so jealous of his son [in his 30's] that the marriage fell apart. She was being utterly ridiculous and controlling.

I had a stepfather who would never, ever leave my mother and me alone when I visited her. So we could never reminisce or discuss family business [which badly needed sorting out]. It was awful for me, I begged her to tell him to leave us alone sometimes as I felt as if I had 'lost' my mother. He did for 2-3 times but relapsed. So please think of the daughters feelings in this, they lost their mother at vulnerable ages and she was so young. They have accepted you for 25 years and show your gratitude please. The scenario could be very, very different.

I really don't see why you have a problem with this. It's important to them to make memories as they lost their mother at a relatively young age and they may just want to not miss out on having time with their Dad.
Why not do the same but with your son's? I think that its lovely that they want to do this and GET IT IN PROPORTION! It's only 1 day in a whole year that they want to have him solely to themselves

Do let them have this time together! I met my husband a year after his wife died, and we married a couple of years after that. I have always actively encouraged him to have alone time with his adult children, as I have time with my daughter. I’m really happy that he loves them as much as he does, as I have friends whose husbands don’t get on with their own AC and that’s worse, believe me! As a blended family we all like each other, and they have welcomed me into the family with open arms, so I feel the least I can do is stand back and let them have their dad to themselves occasionally. As one of the other ladies has said, it’s a can of worms, and once opened you can’t put the lid back on. (Really, you do only have one mum, or dad, no matter how much you like or love your step parent. I’ve been on the other end with a father who re-married after divorce and I never had him to myself and I really missed him) I also agree it gives you time to be with your own kids on Mother’s Day. I firmly believe in paying it forward....you do something nice for someone and someone, somewhere down the line, will do something nice for you .

Maybe they just want to remember their mother on Mother's Day. They were teenagers when she died and it could be that they are now thinking more about her. Especially if they have their own children now.
If you all get on well I don't think they are meaning to offend you just maybe not thinking or maybe they are assuming you will spend the day with your children

I think having a day out with their father would be fine, perhaps on their mother's birthday.

However, as you have been their step-mother for 25 years and say you get on well, I think it would be kinder if they spent the day with you and the rest of their step-family, to show their appreciation of you.

I can understand how you feel but it's probably best to say nothing.

I think it is a lovely thing for them to do actually. I also feel it shows their confidence in you - that you will understand they need that time with their father.

Think it’s a bit insensitive but that’s just my opinion.

Maybe they don't realise that the date they have picked is actually Mother's Day ? Is there any way that your DH will ask them if they can go out on another day?

Maybe they want to talk about memories they have of their Mum and feel it might be rude to do so when you are with them. Please don’t be offended.

I was very hurt years ago when I hadn't seen my dad for five years on his own without my stepmother being present.
It took all sorts of subterfuge when I finally realised it was never going to happen unless I manufactured occasions.
My stepmother spent loads of time with her daughter without my dad but seemed reluctant to let us spend even ten minutes together. My dad was a typical bloke and hadn't been aware of what was happening but once we had our time he enjoyed talking about the old days.

I understand how you feel OP but then I'm a stepmum too HUGS

Its not about you!

My Mum is remarried, happily, for over 25 years and I get along well with her husband. However, the time I spend alone with my mum is very different than the time I spend with the both of them. I enjoy doing both. Unfortunately my mums husband doesnt like to be excluded from the time i spend with my Mum and makes things very difficult for us, although we only meet up without him twice a year.

I think maybe you are feeling hurt as this' time on their own' only started last year and has not been a part of your married life until then. There is really nothing wrong with family wanting time on their own, as long as you arent excluded from every arrangement they make.
Enjoy spending time with your sons ...

craftergran the OP isn't their mother either.Their Dad can talk about the mother they lost .

I think it’s great to have the odd day out with their dad, but I would feel a tad miffed, but as you all get on so well I would keep quiet, I do understand where you are coming from though,

I agree with you, Mary52

I'd not be very happy about it either

So you're not alone!

Maybe they want to remember their mother and talk about her. Nothing wrong with that. They want some time with their Dad. Nothing wrong with that. You get to see your sons - a win all round. Have an all- family get together on another occasion.

The scenario does not seem at all odd to me. When we still had both Mothers (who did not get on) DH always visited his DM on Mother's Day, with DD1 (whom she doted on) while my sister and I visited our DM. Nowadays, my DD's make a big fuss of me on Mother's Day, while their OHs remember their own DMs.

They must be in their 40's. Do they have children of their own?

If so then I think it is a little divisive to ask their father to spend Mothers Day with them. Father's Day fine, but he's not their mother.

Best you say nothing and have a great day with your own children.

I agree with Sara65 it's a bit insensitive to exclude you on this particular day. As you get along well the rest of the time I wouldn't worry about it though. In the grand scheme of things it's only one day so put your feelings aside, don't mention it to your husband or he will start feeling torn between you all. It would be a pity to spoil what is a generally good relationship between both families.

I too think you’re maybe behind a little over
sensitive, but I also feel the girls are being a little insensitive to your feelings, after all they aren’t really girls anymore, they’re grown women.

I think it’s good to have days out with their dad, when they can reminisce about their mum, without worrying about hurting your feelings, but Mother’s Day seems a bit thoughtless, what does your husband think about it?

I think you’re doing right to stay quiet about it, but I think you’re entitled to feel a little miffed!

Yes, I agree with others - the girls want to go out with just their dad, they want to reminisce and have a little nostalgic time. Perfectly understandable, no problem. But, personally, I think asking him out on Mothers Day, is a little insensitive; I wouldn't want to split the family up on a special occasion. However, would probably suggest a visit to Mum's grave, just the three of them, to lay some flowers.

I too think you're being over sensitive.
My husband often spends time alone with his adult children from his first marriage. I encourage him to do so. I love spending time with mine too.
We also have occasional joint get togethers.
My husband has a special birthday soon and whilst I will arrange something, he also plans to do something with his children alone.
We're all very happy and that's what its about.

I think the girls just want their dad to themselves just the odd special day, I know I still miss my mother who died young, no one could take her place and I needed my dad more than ever. Your children still have you. You all have a good relationship., it's good to gave kept these thoughts to yourself. They lost their mother when they were not little children but still needed her.

Your stepdaughters were effectively grown when you married their father. They likely didn't see you as much as a "mother" figure as they would have had you met them when they were younger. It's more of a "this is Dad's new wife" thing.

As long as they aren't excluding you from EVERY get-together (and so far this has only happened twice) I don't see a problem with it.