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I want to leave after 40 years

(155 Posts)
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Hithere Fri 14-Feb-20 14:00:44

Physical violence is a deal breaker.

Leave

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NannyJan53 Fri 14-Feb-20 13:59:11

Yes leave as soon as possible. As travelsafar says, he is not going to change now, in fact once you retire he will probably be worse.

It seems that your immediate family are right behind you, so what do you have to lose?

Do not feel guilty, this is what he is banking on.

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Yennifer Fri 14-Feb-20 13:54:05

Nonna it sounds like you have been through a lot and you have achieved happy children despite it. Its time to leave and recognise that your happiness is important too. It sounds like his happiness is tied up with treating you badly to feel better and that's not your problem! If he makes himself look bad after you leave that's not your responsibility! Go for it, Im so happy you have what you need to make this dream a reality x

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travelsafar Fri 14-Feb-20 13:52:01

Get out now if you have the means to set yourself up in your own place. Also while still working you can learn to adjust to being alone evenings and weekends knowing you will be busy all week. Your family sound as though they would support you as well which is a big help. He is not going to change now after all those years is he?? Hope you come to the right decision for you and for him. He must be unhappy too.

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NonnaS Fri 14-Feb-20 13:46:13

I feel it is the end of the road for our marriage and has been for some time.

We cannot talk without arguing. I have been the on the end of his verbal and emotional abuse (only recently discovered this is what I have been subject too) for decades.

I still work and he is retired but does not help much around the house. Will only do what he decides he will do.

Our children have lovely partners and are happy so I do not have to worry about them.

I have no respect for him. He has ignored me, berated me, verbally abused me to the most hideous level and one occasion was violent which incurred a visit to A&E. He has never been that violent since but I am a little frightened.

I dread going home after work and weekends are horrible.

Several times I have tried to leave and a couple of times almost have but then I start to feel guilty for leaving him alone.

I view properties for my escape but have never gone through with it and I so desperately want to. It's all I dream of.

He threatens all sorts if I leave, even to upsetting future family occasions which have been planned which would hurt the children.

I am trying to give you the story without being to elaborate so forgive me.

I have discussed with my immediate family members who think I should have left years ago.

I have a very small inheritance which will help me set myself up on my own.

There is nothing to stop me really except my feeling of guilt. But I do not want to spend the next 20 years being so miserable and the thought of retiring from work and being with him all day fills me with horror. I would rather work until I drop.

We have talked about this but every time ends in a row with him shouting.

I am looking for advice especially if you have been through a similar situation.

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