I'm So Gullible?

Not gullible, eminently sensible. No illusions, he has revealed his true character, he is a parasite and you can see it. It was good while it lasted, but you have realised that now is the time to say goodbye.

If only other posters in your situation could be as clear sighted as you are being, instead of sometime spending decades, hoping things will change.

Put some arrows up pointing ....."Exit" this way.

If hes like this now, do think hard, as once you are married !!

He sounds selfish, its your house, don't let him get his mitts on it!'

Has he left yet?

Thank goodness you’re only engaged. He did you a favour by revealing his true character before you married him. Your not a chump for having fallen in love with his alter ego.

This will only get worse Franki move him out now and get on with your life. You don't need anyone like that around. Good luck.

Franki - well done for venting on here. It’s good that you have recognised what you are dealing with.
I expect if you think it through in the cold light of day, you will be able to see signs of manipulation in his past behaviour.

Desdemona has good advice about being careful before entering into further discussion with this man. Clever, manipulative narcissists will try to manipulate you again, in to believing that they will change, things will get better and you are at fault too. The old charm may also be turned on again.

You aren’t gullible or foolish, you took a risk on happiness and you found some, in the short term. You sound like you are now ready to make changes and take control.

Come back to GN for support as often as you need to. There is an army of great women here, who are behind you and are wishing you good luck. Stay strong ... ?

You're not a fool youre onto him! A fool would plod along as is x

Does the man know how you feel? Losing his job and not wanting sex seems pretty normal. Nevertheless you now 'love' him less than you did and want him to go. So he has to go asap. You may be sorry for him however you have been living together only one year and he has practically no moral claim on you.

It would be interesting to know why he once seemed so sexually alluring.

I'm glad you know what has to happen next.

But do learn from your situation. Sometimes people can come across as so nice and empathic that they attract hangers-on who just want a useful relationship.

Try not to lose your good qualities though, just take all relationships slowly - maybe you moved in together a little bit too quickly.

Hope you manage to disentangle yourself - don't waste any more time on him.

We all make errors in judgement from time to time so don’t beat yourself up over it. Just straighten your shoulders, do what you need to do and get rid then quietly lick your wounds for a bit before moving on. There are some good guys out there. All the best ?

Well done! You've done the hardest part already - Realisation that you have a dusty.

Dusty #101:

1. Tell him you are in thousands of pounds of debt
(gambling, loans, fines, a debt collector, anything like that).

2. Tell him you have an eviction date/selling up. (Use the internet to print eviction letters etc.)

3. Block him completely out of your life.

4. Don't forget the grass seed in his clothing revenge (TY Gransnet) You will laugh like a loon for years and years.

You will find these a great help...
Richard Grannon Youtube
Ashera7 Youtube

Unfortunately I think similar scenarios are quite common. Someone I know lives on her own at the moment and has her own house. She has had a few relationships where she has realised that the men are really only looking for a handy, ready made place to live - several of her friends have found the same.
One example a man living in a rented house was nice and did jobs for her - some badly as she discovered afterwards! - one day he asked her did she have enough money to go out and buy a new car for cash if she needed to! She started laughing and said of course not - it all fell apart soon after that,
Women on their own seem to be able to do quite a lot and present a very acceptable image to people which not all men can do. Most women have themselves a nice place to live whereas men can manage with less - men must think that this means they are relatively wealthy not realising that the women are not wasting money in the pub etc.

Oh dear, I've been there and got the tee shirt to prove it!
What a relief it was when I asked him to leave and he finally went.

Franki we all make mistakes.
Make sure you don`t make a mistake by marrying him.
Kick him out ASAP.

Oh dear Franki I know all posters are saying get him out of your life and I agree however I feel sorry for you because you say you fell for him in a big way so that must hurt that he has suddenly changed his feelings towards you.

Saying that come on girl you know what has to be done.
He has no job so no money.
Complaining about your adult son who does he think he is to do that?
Think about that as well because I am sure your son is not happy that this person is not doing anything now he has moved into the home (which in effect is your sons home as well).
Thirdly he has put an end to night-time nocturnal fun telling you he has lost his mojo.
He reeled you in and got where he wanted to be a nice free home to live in and now more or less rejecting you.
You may have had a good time but you aren't having one now hand him back the engagement ring tell him everything is off and give him his marching orders tell him not to slam the door on his way out.

Franki PLEASE do the decent thing. Call the whole thing off. It's not too late. In fact, thank your lucky stars that you didn't make the final commitment. PLEASE put an end to this farce asap.

To hell with giving him notice. Just do it. Please update us. You matter.

No, you're wrong to call yourself gullible. You are simply a(nother) decent and generous person who has been reeled in by a free-loader. Difference here is that you have already worked out the problem, addressed your own limitations and where this dodgy relationship has to go. If you don't want to engage in explaining or justifying your decision, don't. You don't have to tell him to go. Just change the locks, pack up his stuff, maybe with a note saying you don't want a relationship/friendship anymore. Goodbye. The End. Leave his stuff with a mutual friend or safe place and block his calls etc., Bet you're happy you can see so clearly. It was only a year - some people get in so deep that they take forever to climb out of a relationship mess. Good luck, you're doing the right thing for yourself and your family.

Speed is of the essence here...

Your happy ever after awaits you.

Better off on your own, chuck

You need to ask? Kick him into touch.

Really feel for you as I was in the same situation several years ago.I had been in an abusive marriage and left alone to bring up children. Never really thought about another relationship till the youngest went to university. Then like you fell completely in love. Gullible or just wanting to feel loved ? Luckily I found out that he was in loads of debt and stopped him moving in with me.
His parting words were " you will keep your money but always be lonely "
And yes I have kept my house but also have a lovely kind partner who would not take me for granted emotionally or financially.
Please show him the door.

Franki I cannot get you out of my mind. The reason being, after a divorce, I found myself in a very similar situation. I bought the man that I thought was "right" for me a car (not new). It was the very car parked outside the home of his previous "love" that alerted me to what I had been told was happening. He used me. I could and should have known better. I was besotted. When he arrived home late from being somewhere work-related (only I had word that he was not) I told him to GO! I have no bitter feelings. He was weak and I was totally misguided. I've since been married to a marvellous husband of 32 years. He is everything that the other man was not. Loyal, considerate and totally dependable. Please do as others have suggested. Wash that man right out of your hair. You won't regret it. You deserve so much better.

Thank you all so much for your comments, advice, experiences. It's been such a tonic; you are all amazing!
I will keep you all posted. It's not going to be easy, but it's got to be done!

I don’t think you have been gullible at all, you had fallen for a free loader you weren’t to know, but he needs to go, what an awful situation comes to live with you, gives up his job! And then complains about Your son, what a charmer, I would give him his marching orders, pack his bags and don’t give him notice, why on earth give him notice!! See ya don’t wanna be yer