Seeing someone out of a sense of duty

What you do depends on who this person is, if it’s family I would hang in there, situations change, you have to know in your heart that you are trying your absolute best because if this person suddenly stops seeing you for their own reasons you will know that you couldn’t have done anymore to keep them in your life and they will know that you always cared. If it’s someone who isn’t family, who you wish to have a relationship with, then I would give up because this person obviously isn’t interested and it’s time for you to move on and find someone else, it may hurt a lot but these feeling do pass in time and you deserve to be happy in the future.

I'm with Daisy May. No 'cutting off' or anything like that. Just get on with life, be busy - then be happy and nice if you have any contact. Nothing more off putting that 'duty' contact.

Why should you be grateful for a few crumbs from anyone.

If they can’t be bothered, why should you?

If this is a relationship: find a partner who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.
If it is a friend: it’s so one sided that it is not a friendship at all.
Think of your life as a beautiful garden and start weeding ? and you will blossom when you do not have anyone dragging you down .....

Sparkling, only you can know what to do next.
You clearly love this person deeply to be so anguished.
I would say please be kind to yourself first and foremost ?

I would ask them how you can be a comfort in their life without feeling you are a waste of their valuable time. I don’t know what relationship this is relating to but if you allow yourself to be treated like this no wonder it has affected you. Whether a relation or not I think it is a behaviour lacking respect for you or themselves. Sorry this sounds harsh but you are a person too.

If the other person thinks you are questioning them police style (asking for too many details), I would stop doing what I am currently doing and let the person reroute the conversation as they would like.

I would also try to find out the new conditions and boundaries of the relationship as it looks like both parties are doing it out of obligation.

Sparkling - is this really a friend? Friends don't behave like this. You say you 'love' this person - is this because it is a child or close relative? If so then maybe you stick with it because there is clearly a problem. If it's a 'friend' I would call the 'friendship' a day. If it's a male friend who you would like to see more of because you 'love' him, not sure how that love has been sustained.

If it were a "friend", I'd have no problem n severing all contact and never bothering with them again - however, if it is a family member, I'd ask myself if there is any reason the person is like that (any argument, grievance etc). IF there was a reason for such unkind behaviour, I'd confront the person and hopefully resolve things. Otherwise, I'd limit the contact even further. Some people are just very selfish.

I too would break free.
I would stop texting or emailing.
If the person(it sounds like a grandchild to me but I may be wrong and it is none of my business anyway) really wants to get in touch he or she will.
My step grandson who lives abroad never contacts us but my DH ignores him too..
He says it doesn’t bother him and I accept that.

Sparkling: that sounds exactly like my son. Except he never contacts me or wants to meet with me.

Sparkling, I think I would ‘cut loose’. It’s clearly not doing you any favours trying to keep contact with this person. Try making new friends - join the WI, U3A, or look in your local library for activities that you can do.
This person is not one you should want as a friend - she is just being rude.

Why can’t everyone be kind, I have a similar thing going on, breaks your heart.

This is manipulative behaviour. Goodbye needn’t be the hardest word when you actually know this person does not care for you. Break free and enjoy your life.

To me this reads as if it is an adult child that Sparkling is talking about and it must be truly heartbreaking. I think I would stop the coffee catch ups but I would get in to the habit of sending a letter once a month. A proper pen and paper snail mail letter, not a text or email. Buy some really nice paper and write a friendly, cheerful , upbeat letter. Be positive in what you say and never moan or whinge. If your loved one asks why you have stopped meeting, be honest but don't complain about it. Say you hope to hear back and would like to know what they are up to, but don't make a thing of it. This way you will keep all channels open but not have the despair of what sounds like dreadful meetings. Good luck.

The heartbreaking way that Sparkling writes suggests to me that this is not a friend. Friends - even not very close ones - don't behave like this and consider that they will be allowed to do so indefinitely. This sounds like family. Family will sometimes do whatever they wish, without considering the hurt and sadness and confusion they cause and they do this in the sure and certain knowledge that they hold all the cards and can behave exactly how they wish simply because they are "family" and will always be forgiven. Always. To have one's heart squashed into little bits and one's love and care and interest dismissed and barely tolerated by showing such behaviour to another person is almost unforgivable. We forgive, usually, because we are parents and "they" are our children. People we will love unconditionally forever? Perhaps, but at what terrible cost? Aren't we deserving at all? I would counsel birthday and Christmas wishes only..... and wait. However much it hurts, step back, don't push and wait. Things may change, but you're not the person who'll be able to make that change.

I’m so sorry it’s made you feel wretched. TBH it doesn’t sound at all like the sort of person you need in your life. Where is the benefit?
Personally I’d withdraw, and try not to let it upset me any more.

Seems you have three options here; carry on and try to toughen up (not easy) so that the encounters don't make you feel so wretched every time, carry on but be determined to say, gently, that the other person is clearly tense and your small enquiries are simply conversation, not prying - is anything wrong ? etc. etc, and persist in asking as it may well make them realise that this is not a happy time for you, or when approached again say you are busy a couple of times and see if they continue to contact.
I think if this were a 'friend', I would cut off completely.
Good luck with this - not a happy scenario for you - isn't life tricky at times through no fault of your own?

Such a sad post Sparkling, I can feel your pain,on reading this, if it was me I’d put a stop to it, and walk away, I wouldn’t accept that sort of relationship, if it was family then I would hope to remedy it, by talking things through, life is too short, I hope things become better for you

If this Is a friend I wouldn’t put myself into such an uncomfortable situation again and again hoping things will improve. I know that low self esteem allows us to be mistreated emotionally but we need to believe more in ourselves and our own self worth. Avoid if you can negative people and situations where you are made to feel less than valued. You deserve to be happy

Say goodbye - then there will be room in your heart and diary to find another who is more caring of you and give you the time and respect you deserve

So very sad that it seems the other person is only making contact through feeling that they have to.
I think that if it is a family member, just keep in contact via text - if they want to meet up for coffee - is there any reason that you can't decide on the venue? If they then say "oh no because of x y z" is there any reason that you can't let them know that you are disappointed?
The same, to some extent also applies to a friend - but in their case, I think that if they care so little, it's time to walk away. Sorry, but no one should make you feel wretched and worthless like this person obviously is.

If it’s family try and work through it. If it’s just a friend I would let this friendship go after all a friendship is two ways and you both need to get something out of it.

We’ve had a similar situation with a daughter/grandchild - have had to step away as it was causing so much stress and we couldn’t change the situation. Will always continue with birthday/Xmas gifts and hope one day things might change. If it’s a friend Imwould say you are definitely better off forgetting it. You will recover when you aren’t being subjected to the stress.

Sparkling, I am with henetha and others here.

If the person were a child or grandchild, I would hang on, in there, even though it’s clearly very hard.
Many circumstances change over time ...

If the person was a friend or lover, then it feels like it could be the right time to reconsider options.

Either way, you are being hurt, often. Please try to consider ways to look after yourself and protect your feelings. Do you have someone you could talk this over with?

Don’t dismiss this as a silly suggestion- have you thought of ringing the Samaritans? They offer a listening ear.
Sometimes the act of simply putting an issue into words and discussing it with a third party who isn’t involved, can help us to begin navigating to a solution.

I hope the situation begins to improve ?