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(52 Posts)
Bbarb Tue 25-Feb-20 12:47:44

I've been thinking back, 30 years .....
I took a course on what was then called 'Nursery Nursing' which was really a course on child development, and failed one assignment because I disagreed with the tutor.
The discussion had been about meals, nutrition etc and I had written something along the lines of the difficulties of teaching children to use a knife and fork and had added of course please and thank you are mandatory''.
I was held up for ridicule before the whole class.
He insisted please and thankyou were unnecessary words to which I replied that if someone asked me to pass the milk I would naturally say 'thank you' when I got it.
He insisted there was no point as I'd got what I wanted.
If we're not supposed to teach manners to our children, it explains why youngsters barge ahead of elderlies in queues, take the last bus seat, don't hold doors open etc etc.
What's happening?

ps - honestly I was marked 'failed' my dissertation on that subject.

grannyactivist Sat 14-Mar-20 18:18:02

My European students always loved my lessons about good manners, but they often commented that the number of times we say 'sorry', 'please' and 'thank you' in the UK is excessive and therefore a cause for some hilarity.

Franbern Sat 14-Mar-20 18:04:07

Buses in London, most older people say 'Thank You' to driver as they get off. Saying please and thank you are just common courtesy and should be encouraged. Not so worried about writing Thank You letters these days (Particularly with the price of stamps). If I have been invited to attend something I always email the organisers afterwards to thank them.

GabriellaG54 Sat 14-Mar-20 17:38:24

*Bbarb
Oh dear! I think I'd have had to say something cutting about his ideas.
Imagine being married to a boor who thinks 'Thank you' unnecessary.

Lucca Fri 13-Mar-20 14:38:55

When I was teaching, bad manners from my students riled me far more than missing homework naughtiness in class etc.equally I always made sure I was polite to them.

DanniRae Fri 13-Mar-20 14:31:20

Here in South East London we thank the bus driver too!

I always thank anyone who holds a door open for me but if I hold a door and someone sails through without a comment I always say loudly "That's OK - you are welcome!" hmm

BlueSapphire Fri 13-Mar-20 08:59:59

We thank the bus drivers here in Northampton as well.
My grown up children still ask to leave the table when they are here, and they are 41 and 37! As do the DGDs, and they always use please and thank you.
DGDs are half Swedish and the younger one was telling me that they don't use please in Sweden, just 'tak' (thank you). We were chatting about their trip to Sweden to stay with relatives, and I was asking them about how many Swedish words they knew.
What a rude tutor you had Bbarb!

FindingNemo15 Fri 13-Mar-20 08:33:35

Everyone used to compliment my DD on her manners, holding doors, giving up her seat, saying thank you etc., but this cannot be said for her children. It really upsets me. If I pass them anything I will not let it go until they say thank you!

CathTheWise Fri 13-Mar-20 07:58:37

Well, it is not about youngsters being rude, it is about people in general, not their age. My dad couldn't say Thank you or Please for his life, he would do it while at work but he could never do that while at home. And I usually say Thank you and Please even though I've had such a ruse example right before my eyes for a long time.
The tutor is in the wrong. I'm sorry you had to explain such obvious things to an adult.

Missfoodlove Fri 28-Feb-20 08:51:08

If I have been out when my cleaner comes, I always message her a thank you when I’m home.
Apparently I’m her only customer to do this.

Juliet27 Fri 28-Feb-20 08:40:31

It’s not a please and thank you addition but it does annoy me when people take their trolleys to the correct area and then just shove them in any old how. I always end up pushing them all into a neat line (maybe they’d give me a job!). It also annoys me how if someone knocks something off a hanger or shelf in a shop, they don’t put it back. Oh, and trying on shoes in M& S, why must they all leave them in a pile on the floor Grr. Am I a bit OCD ?

NannyJan53 Fri 28-Feb-20 08:26:09

I am in West Midlands and always thank the bus driver.

My two DGD's always say 'Thank You Nanny" whenever I take them somewhere or buy them treats. My DD taught them this from the time they started to talk, it is second nature to them now.

TwiceAsNice Fri 28-Feb-20 08:19:07

Sorry but I use buses in Surrey and people say thanks to the driver here too

Audun Fri 28-Feb-20 07:47:53

Bus drivers are thanked in Scotland too! And our Swedish and Norwegian friends always say Tack for mat, and on leaving the table, having made a meal for visitors and taking a lot of trouble, someone saying thank you for the meal means a lot. Please and thank you are an asset!

Calendargirl Fri 28-Feb-20 07:35:09

Am always surprised when parents of little children give them something and the child just takes it without a thank you. I would have reminded them ‘And what else?’ or ‘And what do we say?’ Plus remembering always to say ‘thank you’ ourselves if they give or pass us something.
The head at grandchildrens nursery school always kept hold of anything she was giving to a child, a book or toy, until the child said thank you. It was obvious from the questioning looks the child gave her that some of them had no idea they were expected to actually acknowledge this, as they were accustomed to just grabbing or snatching anything,

Esspee Fri 28-Feb-20 07:23:53

In Glasgow we thank the bus driver too.

These days Glaswegians are a multi racial bunch but I have heard a definition of assimilation as being “If they thank the driver they are Weegies, doesn’t matter where they came from originally” ?

Jane10 Thu 27-Feb-20 21:56:40

Here in Edinburgh it's normal to thank the bus driver.
When DD was working at an after school club she was supervising snack time. A little girl said 'Pass the biscuits.' DD said, 'Pass the biscuits and what else do we say?' and the child replied very politely, 'Pass the biscuits now'!

May7 Thu 27-Feb-20 21:53:03

In merseyside people used to say Ta very much to the bus driver now the young ones say Q

PamGeo Thu 27-Feb-20 20:57:58

People in Bristol young and old generally say 'thanks drive' as they get off the bus.
I always say thanks as I'm getting off as do most of the people I've travelled with in Cornwall and the North East.

suziewoozie Tue 25-Feb-20 18:16:33

I obviously catch a bus that serves a very grumpy route ?

dizzyblonde Tue 25-Feb-20 18:13:15

I thank the bus driver in Surrey, as does my DH who was born and bred here.

silverlining48 Tue 25-Feb-20 17:39:29

I thanked the bus driver here in Kent today. Always do.
However a couple of weeks ago I was knocked sideways by a group of young boys as they passed us on the pavement despite us having moved out of the way. No reaction or apology from the boy in question, they just carried on walking. I didn’t say anything either, think I was in shock.

SueDonim Tue 25-Feb-20 17:37:32

People have always been concerned about manners. The Guardian has an article which refers to a medieval guide to manners for children. ‘Pyke notte thy nostrellys’ Can’t you just imagine generations of patents remonstrating with their offspring! grin

www.theguardian.com/books/2020/feb/21/pyke-notte-thy-nostrellys-15th-century-guide-on-childrens-manners-digitised-for-first-time

Btw, people here in NE Scotland also thank the bus driver. smile

suziewoozie Tue 25-Feb-20 16:39:22

when using trains, I’ve found young people incredibly kind and well mannered - giving up seats without being asked ( either on trains or on the concourse) and when in my wheelchair we are overwhelmed with offers of help. I think some people are just lovely and some aren’t and I don’t think there’s a identikit model.

GagaJo Tue 25-Feb-20 16:39:08

My grandson was saying thank-you WAY before a lot of other language. It sounded like dadoo, but we knew what it meant!

ninathenana Tue 25-Feb-20 16:32:32

We thank the bus driver and taxi driver here in Kent.
When my children were babies one of the first words we taught them was "ta", it was the same with my friends children. DD has done the same with GC.
They can actually be slightly OTT at times especially the 10 y.o.
"Will you pass nannie the XX please"
"Of course nannie"
"Thank you fred"
"Your welcome nannie" smilesmile