I need advise from a gran on telling my in-laws about my pregnancy

Congratulations!

Put on a united front together.
Here's a suggestion. You could let your husband do the talking as you proudly show off your bump.
I think the announcement of a forth coming birth should be good news; not an apology.

I am number 6 from a line up of 8 children. My dear mum never apologised for any us being here. I sure am glad I'm here, plus the sisters that came after me.

Good luck and God bless

Congratulations Karharine.
Your in laws sound lovely, it may be a surprise to them to hear of your pregnancy, but you don’t know what their reaction will be until you tell them, and IMHO it would be better to tell them sooner rather than later. I expect they’ll understand when you explain why you’ve been hesitant, and don’t expect more child care. They’re going to find out soon anyway!

I hope your BiL doesn’t feel you’re stealing his thunder. It will be nice to have cousins the same age.

I really hope your OH doesn’t tell the family he has reservations about your baby, as his feelings will turn to joy when he sees his baby. Can you tell your in laws together?

Good luck anyway, and enjoy your baby

Maybe you having what you wanted was rather selfish? It is going to have huge implications for how long hubby is going to have to work? What if you get I'll or die before this latest is an adult?? We were both fit and well at 50. At 54 I had serious cancer and major surgery At 56 I was left seriously disabled in a car crash. At 58 my husband died. Now you have what you want, but make absolutely clear that he's your responsibility. I hope it all works out for you. I think maybe you should be the one to tell the in laws. On the bright side, he is going to love a cousin the same age to play with.

Let your husband tell them in his own way. Hopefully they will have the sense to understand that it has taken the TWO of you, to make your new baby!!

It’s not just your baby - it’s also your husband’s. He should do the announcement.

You and hopefully your husband will look back in years to come with delight when you play with your son and see him grow up. It’s often the surprises in life that waken us up to new possibilities. Your husband will maybe feel embarrassed for a while with his family but it’s not their decision. Many blessings for an easy birth and a wonderful new son

Ummm, don’t understand the posters saying none of their business. They have the children every week. They are close and supportive. Why wouldn’t you tell them and why wouldn’t they naturally have feelings about it all, positive and less positive!

My husband on the other hand is less excited agreeing to have this baby to make me happy. He plans to tell his parents this

Wow,I know its not the point of the thread but your dh doesnt sound very supportive if he is going to tell people - is he going to hold this over you and the child for ever??

I think I would definitely tell them soon but explain why you haven't told them so far as being because you wanted the other "new baby" to have the limelight for a while. I would definitely say you both want the baby and your husband shouldn't say he's "done it for you" because that is setting you up to be the odd one here - when in fact, bringing a new young person into the world should really be a joint decision. Whether he did or not is certainly not for discussion with others. How would you feel if you knew you were only a sort-of gift from one parent to the other?

And as regards numbers. One more once you have 3 or 4 or 5 is not the same as "doubling up" from one to two and certainly not as hard as the first one! You will no doubt cope just fine.
Good luck, and congratulations.

I forgot. If your dh wasn't so convinced to have another baby he could have used protection to avoid pregnancy.

He does have a point. You wanted it more than him so... Although why he'd agree to a baby he didn't want is odd. Hope he comes round to the idea when it's born.

Op

This pregnancy is the smoking gun.
Has your dh always been such a coward?
He could be in his early 40s but he I behaving like a child.

Hi, I have 5 and I never got a good reaction from my own mother for any of them. The only advice I have is to go in with low expectations and don't let their reactions change affect your happiness. You say baby was planned, why is husband resenting that now? Sounds like he could have some depression going on or some other worry. Perhaps ILs have given him a hard time in the past. I think you and he need to have a talk about this, your relationship is more important than IL reactions x

Thank you for all your replies. He won’t be telling them. He’s made it very clear that I have to as he’s so worried about their reaction despite him being in his early 40s with a professional job. I have told him he has to tell his brother though.

First of all congrats on your baby, I fail to see what business it is of your in-laws. Regarding how many children you have etc etc, the part I find a bit worrying is that your husband is planning to tell his parents that he agreed to have this baby to make you happy! I can’t get my head round that, that to me is disrespecting you, why does he feel he has to do that!

It's got nothing to do with them, so just tell them you're expecting again, it was planned and you're over the moon. Although it's better if you're both singing from the same hymn sheet. It sounds a bit like your husband thinks they'll disapprove and he's letting you take the blame. Is he normally such a wimp?
Tough luck if they're not as happy as you are I'm sure that will change once the little one appears.

Op,

Do you want to tell your ILs you are pregnant?
It is a choice, not an obligation to inform family on the updates of your medical history

Telling his parents is fine. Telling his parents that this baby is just to make you happy and he is not so excited is mean and disloyal to you, IMHO. Why would anyone need to say that to family members and what is the point? Maybe he is more concerned about their opinions than letting you down in this. If he tells his parents I'd let him take on the job of also telling his Brother (?). Bottom line is, it's your life and you're going to have another child, it's not just an idea for people to discuss or have an opinion about and if you think that people will want to bring you down or make disparaging remarks, well that's down to them. You may be pleasantly surprised - but if he's going to be the messenger, it would be nice if your OH could be really pleased about it all. Congratulations anyway!

Why does your husband want his family to think less of you.

I’d not advise that he tell them he’s having the baby only yo appease you

None of their business, not non of their business.

Congrats, btw! How exciting

You don't need to tell them if they are not going to be supportive.

How many kids you have, whether you have enough room at your home or being able to go on vacation is non of their business.

If he plans to tell his parents, let him do it. Once they know you can reassure them you don't expect additional childcare or support.

Congratulations. I'm sure they'll be thrilled, I know I would be.