Sis - in - law

I used to tolerate people /family members till i was around 55,a lightbulb moment came on in my head- i was a doormat! i cleared them out, the
result is that i had a period of loss ,but now i have only people in my life who are respectful and loving. Clear them out if you can.

You have my sympathy Londonwifi. What a sad woman she must be. I have a SIL who is exactly the same. Scheming, telling my brother lies about me. I decided ten years ago to cut her out of my life. Best decision I made. Unfortunately I don’t see my brother either but that’s the price I was happy to pay. If he could believe her lies then there’s no room in my life for him. Your DH should man up and deal with her! You’re his wife and you should come before anyone!

Mumofbadboys I wish I had known of that repeating advice years ago with my husbands family, won't forget it now though

I've always used the "coat" trick. Answer the door wearing coat - off to an appointment. People have no chance to keep you there or come in. If it's a friend, you say you've just come in - or a very good friend, you can laugh and explain! In the summer it works just as well if you go upstairs (better than answering the door), having wrapped a towel around your head. Open window and shout an irritable "Yes?" in the direction of the door. Easy to see that you don't want to be disturbed and your hair is wet or whatever. If it's a mate - down you go minus towel - you can always explain. NEVER NEVER let people come into your home/life to disrespect you. If you can't rely on your DH to sort her out, do it yourself. You'll be so pleased you did it.

I would take myself out for a few hours. Let your husband entertain his sister. Try not to worry about things she says as people who know her will know what she's like.

I would just go out when she turns up and leave your husband to deal with her if he won't say anything to her to support you. No need for that in your own home.

Thanks everyone. Some great suggestions here especially the coat one!
Thing is, I was brought up to be nice to everyone regardless of how they were. However, now that I’m over 60 I’m not prepared to put up with people who waste my time playing nasty games. Life is too short for that nonsense.
My husband does not like what she does but she is his sister at the end of the day. She gets off from a lot by her family because of past sadness in her life but we all have our crosses to bear. Her family do not like her much but feel they can’t put her in her place. Personally I think that is ridiculous.
I’ve just lost all respect for them.

When she decides to appear, you go out. Go shopping, visit a Mall, have a coffee, anything to distance yourself from her. Your DH will get fed up having to accommodate her on his own and may actually address the horrible situation.

The coat ' trick' was used by mother too. It was a pretty effective one. This may be a dramatic suggestion but do you have a garden with gate/s and fencing? I have been a victim of disability hate crime (police were involved). The first thing I was advised to do was padlock my gates to prevent unwanted visitors. Other, friendly, visitors were all made aware and now message me to let me know they are very nearly at my gates so I can let them in. It has proved to be the best advice the police gave me. No more unwelcome visitors!

I was brought up to also be kind and respectful to everyone I meet too Londonwifi but I was also brought up to stand my ground and never allow anyone to put me down, as I said put her in her place, you don’t have to invite her into your home, the fact that she’s family makes no difference, i personally wouldn’t pretend I was going anywhere, she would be the one that was turning round and going somewhere! I wouldn’t be pussyfooting around her or this will drag on on on, she’s not a respectful person, and your husband should be backing you, good luck

My stepdaughter and her mother fit this description perfectly, luckily I don't ever have to see either of them again now my husband is deceased.

I feel quite sorry for people like your SiL. Just think, she has no life of her own obviously so has to pick faults in everybody elses.
When I have had the misfortune to meet people like her, I let them get away with it a couple of times but after that if they start spouting something spiteful,I either give them a hard stare or say "Pardon" in a loud voice, followed with "did I hear you right, did you just say *?" Doesn't always work the first time but find they don't do it so often after that.
Spreading rumours? Leave her to it ! Those that matter will know the truth.
Don't only unfriend her but block her on Facebook and encourage any one else to do the same, Change all settings so that any posts you make are seen by friends only and you can also name people that you don't want to see posts.

I had a SIL like that . She had no kids , and when my daughter was born , she asked the usual ( weight, name)... when i told her she said “ that name is common” ( Annie) and persisted all the rest of her life to call he Ann- Marie....luckily my daughter grew 8 ins taller than her aunt ...twice as intelligent, and just refused to answer her when called. Do that.... refuse this woman permission to upset you anymore. Then when my son was born three years later.... she started on him... ( Gregory)...But it only took this most placid baby three months to sus out she was a witch,,,, he screamed every time she came near him...still not sure if my daughter was sticking pins in him to make him cry.

tell her she has a bloody nerve inviting people to your house. Next time she does so, ask her to leave and tell those she invited that she forgot to get your permission.

Does you husband find her behaviour all right?

My elderly Aunt used to wear a hat around the house. If someone called that she didn't want to stay she told them she was just going out. If it was someone she was happy to see, she told them she had just come in quite a good tactic. I don't bother wearing a hat but a coat hanging near the door is handy.

My husband absolutely hates her behaviour and thinks she needs counselling. I do to as she exhibits mentally unstable behaviour.

Tell her you're in self-isolating right now!

"She is just stupid, tactless and not very intelligent " mmmm just wondering how you seem to her?

Not that you need to put up with people in your own home no matter who they are. Just tell them...they aren't welcome! Tell your husband they are not coming to your house again for the reasons you have given.

If your husband doesn't agree, perhaps he doesn't see the stupid, tactless and unintelligent attributes to his sister? As for comments to other people? Are the fact or hearsay? Sometimes you just got to be a bit more open minded