No wedding in sight

Marriage isn’t the be all and end all, but it ties everything up in a very neat legal package.

If they’re ever thinking of having children together then tell her to pop over to Mumsnet where there are endless stories of unmarried women who have found themselves in precarious financial positions after it goes horribly wrong.

The other thing she should be considering is her wishes in all this. She has every right not to settle for second best (if marriage is important to her).

This is quite a useful article - it spells out what can happen if you’re not married and the steps women (and it usually is the woman) can take to protect themselves www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2019/01/222396/unmarried-couples-rights

A quick search in google tells me 42% of the marriages fail and the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is 12.5 years.

Getting married does not mean happily ever after.

I'm happy for my younger daughter to NOT get married even though she has a child with her boyfriend because, when she inherits half of my estate with her sister, then he will have no claim on anything. There are advantages and disadvantages in getting married.

He seems reluctant and appears to care? I'm pretty sure he loves her. Do you not know them?
How do you be supportive? Don't push.
It's her life, not yours, and you can care as much as you like, but it's up to the two of them.
The should make sure they have their wills done too. Common law is not recognised in UK.

making a will is all very well - but wills can be changed. My mother suffered dreadfully when my father changed his will once they were divorced - she could not believe he would do such a thing - but of course he changed it so his new family got everything. Get a property lawyer to advise. Money well spent.

If you have been married and not divorced I can see your argument for 'It is a commitment' Reality, unfortunately, isn't like that. As someone said 'it is just a piece of paper' If the husband/wife want to have affairs the 'piece of paper' doesn't stop that nor does it hold you to them. I know of two couples who have been together for thirty-something years and got married recently not because of commitment but so the taxman doesn't have it.

I do not see it as a 'red flag'

‘Common law’ is a myth. There’s no such thing.
As other posters have said, all finances should be set up as ‘tenants in common’ and conversely as ‘jointly and severally liable’ so neither one ends up inadvertently responsible for 100% of a debt like an overdraft, credit agreement or utility bill.

Three bank accounts can work - one each and a third for bills and household expenses into which is paid the relevant sum on a 50/50 split basis.

There’s no need to ‘should’ all over her. It’s not your beliefs that matter - it’s her and her partner’s. Nagging on about it will alienate you from her life.

You cannot force your beliefs on her - you’ll end up losing her.

It’s a hugely expensive party. It’s not a good enough reason to risk splitting them up and/or losing her and any future grandchildren.

A marriage certificate may not be a magic piece of paper but it does give you protection in the eyes of the law.

Commitment does not need a piece of paper. They are buying the flat together so both their names will be on the deeds. Why fuss...their lives. Wish them luck.

if its not going to work it wont whether or not they're married.My lovely daughter married and had 2 children ,her husband was playing away for the whole marriage and she didn't find out until she came home to find someone else in her bed.HE refused to leave so she packed up the kids stuff and we found her a house ,he then refused to pay anything to do with the marital home or support for the children .She ended up bankrupt.
A marriage certifiacte isn't a magic piece of paper

I am 69 and was widowed nine years ago today and now live with a partner. We own a property and have made sure that our wills reflect our wishes in that our children are all equal beneficiaries. It suits us and our families are happy with our relationship and the decisions we have made. Your daughter and her partner must make their own decisions.

Married or not married that's their decision alone but they should be very careful re the legalities of buying a place together whether married or not.

A good friend once said to me "if you aren't religious it is meaningless as it's just a state document" polnan. She and her partner had lived together for over 10 years and had a house and family.
As others have said. It's not necessarily about commitment.

I find it quite strange that people will commit to buying property together, but not commit to marriage, completely incomprehensible to me.

At the end of the day they are adults, going into buying a joint flat together, I would be advising them to have a will,I lived with my partner for many years, before we got married, I have three AC that aren’t married to their partners and one my youngest is married, all have their own properties, you can still be supportive to your daughter without being judgemental. So many couples that are married are unhappy, just because you believe in marriage not everyone does, this is their relationship I wish them well

As far as legality it does not matter much if it's a joint mortgage! If one dies it passes to the other. However, consider this. The widowed partner meets someone else who moves in with them at some point. They then die the money passes 'out of the original family'. Which means if children from the previous relationship may not inherit anything!
When deeds are drawn up they are generally drawn up as 'joint tenants', which isn't helpful. Better ask for it to be drawn up as 'tenants in common'
This means you can each own a % of the property. This can be 50/50 or anything else e.g. if one puts in more money than the other. Then each person can 'will' their % to the children, or whomever. Yes wills can be changed but this shows intent and therefore harder to contest.

Definitely advise her to get both names on the mortgage. My daughter moved out to live with her partner before they married, he had just bought a house so they could be together but the mortgage was only in his name despite my daughter providing the deposit. She assumed he would get her added to the mortgage and didn't check. When he left them and my daughter had to sell the house after paying the mortage each month since she moved in she discovered to her horror that he hadn't added her to the mortgage and the profit from the house went into his bank account and he refused to share it with her, even though it was my daughter who had paid for the updating of the house, including new windows, central heating etc. Cross the t's and dot the i's is my advice, you can never tell how things will work out

My son and his partner have been together for 26 years. Have bought homes together and have two sons. Both have good jobs - at least they have at the moment - and have a joint mortgage, joint wills and have no intention of getting married, though the boys think it would make a good party! Both of them are children of divorced parents which may be what makes them wary of marriage, though they are entirely committed to their relationship.

As they are buying property together it is essential for both of them to have a will. It will protect them both if they stay together or part later on. I agree with eazybee that accounts should be kept especially regarding the property. Love maybe blind but lawyers are not.

Actually, you say he doesn't want to 'commit' but buying a place to live together is a massive commitment, surely? Just because you don't fancy a wedding doesn't mean you don't feel committed to someone.

Mbuyer you say
her partner seems reluctant to commit although he appears to care for her
but you only think this. Do you know he is averse to commitment? Has he said this to your daughter? He "appears" to care for her. Is she happy?

My son and his girlfriend haven't married. They have been together for years and he has put her name on "his" house. They have made a "family home" and although they have no children they are committed to each other in so many ways, joint ventures, time they share, the small kindnesses of everyday life.

So many people have a wedding and are miserable. If she needs a ring/certificate to validate the relationship she needs to tell her boyfriend. You may find it is less important to her than you are picking up. You say "she has always wanted a wedding ceremony". I'm not really quite sure what you mean by this.
A wedding ceremony does not make a marriage. That is something special made between people.

Please let this lie for now. If they are buying a home "together" as you say, they are committed- and both names will be on it which will protect her part of the asset.

Any financial risk is just as relevant to the man as the woman. Obviously they must make sure they are equal and joint owners (can't remember which is the one to go for - joint tenants or tenants in common but that needs to be sorted), plus insurance and wills made to clarify what happens if one of them dies as neither of them will be each other's legal next of kin.
As for marriage - I'd keep well out of any discussion. It is not your business and may well raise hackles all round if you are seen to be stirring.

My partner and I have been together 35 years happily unmarried! Absolutely everything has been done in both our names, mortgage, utilities, pensions and our will is a 50/50 split, works for us!

eazybee A cautionary tale. We can think we know and trust someone but find out the hard way that this is not always so. I remember saying to my divorce solicitor that my husband was "an honourable man" and would be fair. Hahaha!

Advise her to check and keep records of every joint expenditure, and check how it is paid. A friend's daughter lived with her boyfriend for seven years in unfurnished rented accommodation; during which time they bought all the household goods together, she thought. When they split, because he would not commit, she discovered every 'joint' purchase ostensibly made from their joint income had been paid for by his credit card, and every receipt carefully filed; he kept everything and she did not even have a claim on the bed she slept in.