I’ve been in an unhappy marriage for 20 years. If I’m honest it’s never been right but my love for my husband meant I turned a blind eye to things which later went on to fester. The main points were he was very selfish and was always out and left me to bring up our son single handed whilst also raising my 2 children from a previous marriage. At one point our Son was screaming as he thought his own Dad was a stranger and the hurt this whole situation caused me was at times unbearable. As I suffered from MH issues from childhood I got very good at painting on a smile and hiding my grief at being rejected and also the immense sense of sadness looking at other family’s and knowing what should of been. He played at being self employed and let tax credits and my ex husbands maintenance keep me & my children & always prioritised his beer ad cigarette needs over everything. For many, many years not one single penny was contributed to our family household even though he slept and sometimes ate meals there. Why did I live like this ? At first because I loved him so very much & then besides not having the funds to leave I desperately did not want to break up the family & hurt my children.
I even took on his elderly Mum 24/7 whilst he continued to work to line his own pockets.
Fast forward last summer when I told him it was over (the time finally seemed right). After 13 weeks of constant begging, pleading, suicide threats (slashing at wrists in front of our 21 year old Son) I u turned and decided I could not put him through the hurt......
2 weeks ago he started an argument over nothing, told me how low I’ve got him because I’m not the wife he would like me to be (as i am unable to let go of the past and I do not really like him let alone love him). And so there’s no longer any point me staying to make him happy because he isn’t happy & neither am I. Divorce papers were served last Summer & are just on hold. Where do I go from here ? I’ve a good job now but only do 15 hours so will look to increase on this. I don’t want to rent and blow thousands as I will definitely need it after the settlement as he has not been a great earner & I spent lots of years at home raising my family. He won’t leave and if it becomes toxic again I must leave quickly. My Son is coming with me & although grown up his contracts make it hard for him to get a mortgage & with no girlfriend on the horizon he is happy to kick around with me. I also have 2 rescue cats & a rescue puppy to think of. I would like to come to a financial arrangement before the divorce so I’m in a position to buy soon but that’s not possible or advisable is it ? Any advise gratefully received. Ps I became a Grandma on 1st April hence joining gransnet hehe. Thanks in advance xx
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